Venting

[ashdawn8287]

I have ptsd and my partner had his first anxiety attack tonight. We ended up in the hospital. Everything has been really good for awhile so.I am not understanding where that anxiety came from. I've always thought he had anxiety but you see he likes to deny anything is wrong. I guess it just sucks because I am under control now doing things to heal and releases anxiety and stress and well all he does is play video games.

Even after the hospital visit tonight I told him we have to figure out a healthy way for him to release all that stuff. He said he isn't stressed. The denial and not recoginzing something is wrong scares me with him. I don't know. :/ and I can't talk to him about that because he denys it. Ugggghhhh.

 

[Nicolette]

all he does is play video games

It's escaping from reality, like isolation on a different level, and is a coping mechanism. If he says he isn't stressed he may not be, but he is probably *overloaded* and games are a way out of this.

If you are saying you have made steps towards healing and have changed you may find he is struggling with this in that it either may be making him realise that denial isn't going to cut it and it scares him, or it could be that he sees you moving forward and fears he cannot keep up or a manner of a whole lot of things, none of which may be *stress*.

Games have their time and place and need to be kept under control, like anything they can be addictive. Rather than focusing on his denial, which is nothing you can change, work towards healthy boundaries like time limits so he is forced back to reality and will need to find another way to either avoid reality or accept it and do something about it.

 

[ashdawn8287]

Wow, thank you. That is wonderful advice I'm going to use.

My problem is I don't like telling him what to do and him not being able to realize he is highly addicted to video games. I almost feel like he is a kid when it comes to video games and confrontation. I want him to come along with me as Im growing, but he's missing out because of his stuff.

I am trying to help him as I help myself but its startting to seem that I am the only one walking the walk and talking the talk. He is a good person, he works, we own a house, he's smart, funny, kind always here but the video games are really taking a toll on us being able to grow together. He has always played games like this. He's addicted and can't even see it.

Again, thank you. I plan to discuss your advice with him tomorrow. I got him on zoloft a couple months ago with his primary doctor, so I plan to call and make an appointment for him tomorrow (I know he won't), but if I do it he will go. I just don't want to go down hill again because he isn't keeping up with his side of it. That's just annoying. Watching someone avoid getting help when help is easily available

 

[Misul]

Heya Ashdawn,

I also like to play video games. However, whenever I'm in a relationship, my interest in them GREATLY decreases. I'd much rather spend time with my partner. Of course, I am a very independent person and need my space, too. I'd agree with the previous poster in that his games are his escape. Nowdays, since I'm not working, I play mostly to chase away bad thoughts. It really isn't out of interest. To be honest, I'd rather be doing other things, but games keep my mind occupied so I can ruminate and I'm basically running away from thinking about trauma. Hopefully when I can afford to see my therapist again, I'll have an outlet and won't need to mentally "run away" so much.

I think your partner is running away, too. If he's in such denial, he might not have what it takes to deal with his issues right now. Some people just can't face them.

If you haven't done so already, I'd suggest saying something like, "Hey, we should do xyz on Saturday! Wouldn't that be awesome!" - small by making one date together and really spend the entire day together. Plan something fun to do and slowly, if you do this every so often, he might want to spend more time together. However, if you mention his anxiety or if it becomes about that at all, he's going to run back to his games as he clearly does not want to face it right now. It has to be fun and also kind of like an escape.

Right now, I'm not even seeing the few friends I have because I don't want to hear about their problems. I HAVE to escape right now for my survival. But I have one friend who has a different personality and makes positives out of negatives. I will see her anytime as she makes me feel that life isn't so bad after all.

 

[Philippa]

Yeah, I did the same thing for a while Misul. Playing Buffy and Family Guy video games were a catharsis and a chance to take out the aggression I had pent up in me on digital images instead of real people. I got over it pretty quick though. When you go outside, for the first time in a whole week, and don't recognise a tree, then it's time to come back to the real world. :D

 

[mamachick]

I play video games all the time as an escape from intrusive thoughts. I use to do physical labor but as my health has declined I can no longer do this. So I have the tv on and play video games. I think I could give them up or at least reduce if I felt safe and did not have such anxiety, or had someone in my life, yet my trauma has caused me not to trust so thats not likely.

 

[ashdawn8287]

Thanks for all the responses you guys are really nice for taking the time to respond to this thread. I appreciate it.

However, he doesn't think he is addicted to games. He says its just a hobby but the excessiveness of it, is ridicilious. Instead of fighting him on if he is addicted or not I explained to him how this has been a stressful year on us and he hasn't released any of that stress and how he has no coping skills with stress and it's hard on me when im trying to become a relaxed person and practicing that and honestly making it a lifestyle. It is essential I do that I feel IRS the only way to feel better. I have falling in love with yoga. I do grounding techinques and I have this forum. He just does not know what to do with stress. I told him its crucial he develops coping skills and get into things he enjoys besides video games because life has stressors. The anxiety attack he had really scared him too. I was really upset with him because I've been telling him for months he needs to take care of his emotional and mental health and he is responsible for that now too.

Anyways, I was mainly upset because he didn't listen to me and even though I remind calm during his anxiety attack and got him to the hospital for about 30 minutes I thought he was having a heart attack and all this stuff ran threw my mind. I was terrified of losing him. I got upset that him not dealing with that stress and tuning out from life got that scary for me and him too. I was depressed all day yesterday from it. Once I figured out my feelings him and I got pass the fighting and talked.

Nicolette I used your advice. He hasn't played games since his anxiety attack. Thank you for you're kind words. I know we had an issue a few months ago and I am glad you posted. I have felt bad about that since it happened. You're a really good person.

I had an anxiety attack the day after he had his and I was feeling mad that I had been doing so good and because he hasn't dealt with his stuff it brought me down. I explained how I do things for him like stress reduction things to make it easier on him and it'd be nice if he did that too. I just told him I wanted him to be present more. Even if we were always hanging out before while he played video games he wasn't present. I don't mind he plays every once in awhile but to play video games for 7 or more hours a day isn't right. I told him he is missing out on life.

Anyways after we fought for 2 days and I had a bout of depression I pulled myself back up settled it and got back onto my routine. IRS the fastest I've bounced back up from those nasty ptsd feelings. Although im mad it got the best of me for the majority of the day and its been awhile since I experienced symptoms I was proud of myself for getting back up. You really do have to become resilent with this.

 

[Nicolette]

However, he doesn't think he is addicted to games. He says its just a hobby but the excessiveness of it, is ridicilious.

Best way to deal with this, in my opinion is document his usage for a week and then give it to him and give him time to digest and respond. You don't need to say much as the times will speak for themselves if they need to :)

 

[ashdawn8287]

I have honestly thought about doing that!! Haha. If he falls back into that, I'm so doing it!