Venting

[Choices]

Venting. When you live in a town with the only "friends" you know have become those "friends" who judge how you handle your life with your spouse's PTSD, it sucks. When they decide because they went to school for mental health, they "know" that you're walking through the fire wrong. When they say the lines we've all heard "Just tell him to get over it." When you try to explain to them "We've made big strides - he can get out of the house now. He has a full time civilian job now. He can drive himself to work now - a whole mile in traffic by himself." ... and they say "Um, and? I do that every day." That moment you have no one else in this town to get a night out with and the tension is always there because they don't get why you stay with your spouse, why they just can't move on. It happened a long time ago, tell them to get over it." They do everything but say it. THOSE moments you can't talk to anyone about all this because even therapist you see say what you already know - "Those aren't real friends to you if they don't support you. They can not understand it but to judge you as you walk through the fire, is not who you need." I know ... but as they go through denial with their husbands having buried PTSD, you can't wait to leave this town and go home with your friends to surround your little family with true love, true faith and true friendship. *sigh*

 

[Ladyghosthunter]

My take on this is that anyone who criticizes another for any kind of disease of malformation is in need of a frontal lobotomy using a spoon. I dare not hear anyone say anything about my PTSD or I let them have it because it's telling a cancer patient to "get over it". These people aren't your friends, first and foremost. Anyone who cannot accept your husband's condition and causes you more stress is worthy of a "move on" and get him to a positive situation.

 

[Sighs]

Hugs if you accept them and welcome to the forum @Choices .

I recently lost someone I thought was a good friend. I made the mistake of sharing a small incident where my vet avoided something and she just kept saying "but I deal with that every day - its no big deal - he can't just avoid it" til eventually I hissed "but YOU don't have combat PTSD!" and she still kept going about how he needed to just deal with it. Absolutely NO understanding or empathy and certainly no gratitude for the fact that she CAN go about her everyday life because HE and others like him keep her safe.

This is a great place to vent and chat to people who DO get it because they also walk through the fire.

 

[Choices]

I agree with all the responses ~ thanks for letting me vent. As a couple in our late 40s, we find it hard to find the kind of lifetime friends like we have back home that will willingly stand with you through the fire and not judge. It just astounds me how people who's profession is in the social work/mental health field can be so callous with someone suffering through any disorder. It shouldn't surprise me though with what we faced to get through my husband's walk through the VA and many in need go through with attitudes of those assigned to "help". For us as a couple, there isn't much interaction with these folks and that is by our choice. The few times we do, it reminds us why we don't. To all the spouses, families & friends that stand by the side of those affected, know you're not alone and know it gets better. Know that what you go through with your spouse, no one will ever understand nor be able to advise you. Find those willing to listen with open hearts and those that offer a shoulder to lean on. And those that don't offer that, know that if you can't move them out of your life for now, move them to the side so they aren't in the way to healing your family.