In 2010, I took a new position and met a guy in the same office. He was different and I was scared to let go to someone, especially a workmate. Yet I did. It has always been rocky and I never got a grip on it.
He had a lady roommate in his home. He did not tell me about her for a couple of months. When he made plan's with me, they were either short lived times together or he did not show up and did not contact me that he was not coming. My psychiatrist kept asking me if he was living a second life and if his roommate was more than a friend. When we finally discussed the roommate, he insisted she was not anything more. Then we had our first trip and solid time together. It was marvelous. There is a comfort about him that I have not felt before.
When the trip was over, he was tagged to go back to Afghanistan. I lost it. I knew he had PTSD from some conversations, or at least I thought. (This is where I need help for there is something wrong.) The Army doctor wrote him up as having PTSD and he was not sent overseas. He then started working with the VA on a claim. I went to the majority of those appointments. The neuropsychologist did diagnosis with TBI and PTSD. I am not sure of his claim status as you will see where this all went.
At work, I noticed something of another woman. My guy's assistant would tell so-and-so is on the phone. I noticed her couple of times in the office. He and I were going back in forth from being together or not, because I would get angry over him not calling me when he was not going to keep with plans he made with me. I felt SO disrespected. There was always some excuse, roommate or he had to shutdown. This is the way it continued. He was never able to be there for me, but I dropped whatever for him. I must say there are times I even acted crazy trying to find him when things for him were rough. I spent the whole time outside his home one night in the worst of cold. His housemate said he was not home. Then told me in the morning he was playing a game. I did not believe her. At this time, I knew he was without a vehicle and he said he was taking a bus from his neighborhood to work. He said he went out the back door that morning and such why I did not see him. I have never been formally invited to his house.
I helped him during this time to and from the VA. We kept going through this time on and off. I never once got a holiday with him. We made plans, and then he made an excuse of his father being sick and right before we were to leave for Christmas with my family, he said I can not go and that was it.
At this point, I was totally having anxiety attacks. The shaking got bad, and then the sharp pains in the chest came. Every time he would make arrangements with me, I felt the shaking start. I got a therapist and a new psychiatrist. Medication changes and additions have helped me. The therapist did not like the way I was treated and said that PTSD is not an excuse for bad behavior. The VA told me the same and that he was playing the victim. They said I need to have boundaries. He responded negatively to the boundaries and then I failed to follow through with them.
My work has suffered. The office knows about us. I lost a good offer on a position because I was putting him first and wanting to attend his VA appointments.
End of February/early March he came to me again to make up and we took a cruise to get away and get our self together. He asked me before the cruise to marry him. I could not answer. I wanted us to go to therapy together and each of us to have individual. We did try going to couples therapy one time and he was late to the first appointment and arrived with 10 minutes left in the session. He stated he got lost. Afterwards we went two other times together in the same car. He was hostile in the sessions. The therapist finally said she would not work with us, that he needed individual help and so did I. I still kept asking to find another therapist and for him to get individual to help us understand and work through things.
Back to the cruise. It was a wonderful time. We discussed getting married and what it would take. I have told him since Oct 2010 three things had to happen. The roommate had to go, his finances needed to be resolved (going bankrupt), and we needed to work on communications (therapy). Since April of 2010, I kept hearing the housemate would be leaving the next month, it never happened. He was working on bankruptcy this past spring, but stopped to wait and see what the VA was going to do with his claim to know whether he would go Chapter 7 or 13. The housemate was not removed from his house until July 1 2011.
Okay, so we get home from the cruise and his car is full of stuff. My housemate looked at him and asked if he was going to tell me who put that there or was she. She told me it was that lady I kept seeing at work and calling him. It appears he was with her and for some time. I am not sure what he says is true any more, but he dated her before me, then went back with her summer of 2010 because we kept having troubles, but still saw me at times. He talked with me the week after and told me he was staying at her home. She was his ride to work. She actually has been in his home where the roommate assaulted her. This lady told my housemate they were engaged, pregnant, and she would never let go of him. He had clothes in her home and mine. After our talk about what was happening and I told him she would have to go, he brought more clothes to my home. I thought that was the last of her. He still wanted to marry me and I still said we had some things to work on first. It was fine for a week.
Then he would disappear again and lie about coming over. Excuse was he went home and shutdown. At this point he had gotten a car. I paid for all our trips and gave him money toward the car with the thought it would be us. Finally after he lied again about coming over, I put his stuff on the porch and told him to get it.
Oh yes, his dog has been with me for a year. He brought him here after he said his roommate killed the other one. The dog is now bonded with me since he rarely saw the dog during that year and I have footed all the bills for the dog as well. When I walked the dog during my lunch time at work, he had lunches with that other lady. Folks would tell me at work.
Back to putting stuff on the porch, he told me not to do this. I did and some what regret it, but I am not sure how to make this craziness go away. I am shaking right now and crying.
We went back and forth some more, but he never really came back to my home.
We went to Miami last May to talk with a friend and said we wanted to marry each other then. I said the same of what needed to happen, roommate, finances, and therapy before that step. He tried a therapist before Miami, but she said he needed more help than she could provide. I know he was hostile toward her. He says he is testing them to see if they can handle his anger. Then he went to a lady I saw for awhile because he could get her through some military program for free for a set amount of visits. He made nasty comments about her as well and is not seeing anyone.
I am sorry this keeps jumping back and forth, but I am typing as it hits my mind or it will not get out.
On June 14, he sent me an email to marry him before July 1 or we may miss the boat. I said we still have not done the three things. July 1 he married that other woman and the housemate was removed that same day. I did not find out until August 3 through people at work that they married. He even told me after July 1 he wanted us together and loved me. I am now totally hurt and feel just insane inside. I asked him why. He said because I said no. He said it was just a piece of paper and not a conventional wedding. She was never asked and wanted to be married. He will not say he loves her and says he gets nothing out of it. He insists they live apart and she is not pregnant. He says he will get an annulment and was to see me last Friday. Again, he did not show up or call.
Is this really PTSD actions?
I still have the dog. He wants him back, but I said no. The dog is now bonded with me and it shows when he has been around.
He had a lady roommate in his home. He did not tell me about her for a couple of months. When he made plan's with me, they were either short lived times together or he did not show up and did not contact me that he was not coming. My psychiatrist kept asking me if he was living a second life and if his roommate was more than a friend. When we finally discussed the roommate, he insisted she was not anything more. Then we had our first trip and solid time together. It was marvelous. There is a comfort about him that I have not felt before.
When the trip was over, he was tagged to go back to Afghanistan. I lost it. I knew he had PTSD from some conversations, or at least I thought. (This is where I need help for there is something wrong.) The Army doctor wrote him up as having PTSD and he was not sent overseas. He then started working with the VA on a claim. I went to the majority of those appointments. The neuropsychologist did diagnosis with TBI and PTSD. I am not sure of his claim status as you will see where this all went.
At work, I noticed something of another woman. My guy's assistant would tell so-and-so is on the phone. I noticed her couple of times in the office. He and I were going back in forth from being together or not, because I would get angry over him not calling me when he was not going to keep with plans he made with me. I felt SO disrespected. There was always some excuse, roommate or he had to shutdown. This is the way it continued. He was never able to be there for me, but I dropped whatever for him. I must say there are times I even acted crazy trying to find him when things for him were rough. I spent the whole time outside his home one night in the worst of cold. His housemate said he was not home. Then told me in the morning he was playing a game. I did not believe her. At this time, I knew he was without a vehicle and he said he was taking a bus from his neighborhood to work. He said he went out the back door that morning and such why I did not see him. I have never been formally invited to his house.
I helped him during this time to and from the VA. We kept going through this time on and off. I never once got a holiday with him. We made plans, and then he made an excuse of his father being sick and right before we were to leave for Christmas with my family, he said I can not go and that was it.
At this point, I was totally having anxiety attacks. The shaking got bad, and then the sharp pains in the chest came. Every time he would make arrangements with me, I felt the shaking start. I got a therapist and a new psychiatrist. Medication changes and additions have helped me. The therapist did not like the way I was treated and said that PTSD is not an excuse for bad behavior. The VA told me the same and that he was playing the victim. They said I need to have boundaries. He responded negatively to the boundaries and then I failed to follow through with them.
My work has suffered. The office knows about us. I lost a good offer on a position because I was putting him first and wanting to attend his VA appointments.
End of February/early March he came to me again to make up and we took a cruise to get away and get our self together. He asked me before the cruise to marry him. I could not answer. I wanted us to go to therapy together and each of us to have individual. We did try going to couples therapy one time and he was late to the first appointment and arrived with 10 minutes left in the session. He stated he got lost. Afterwards we went two other times together in the same car. He was hostile in the sessions. The therapist finally said she would not work with us, that he needed individual help and so did I. I still kept asking to find another therapist and for him to get individual to help us understand and work through things.
Back to the cruise. It was a wonderful time. We discussed getting married and what it would take. I have told him since Oct 2010 three things had to happen. The roommate had to go, his finances needed to be resolved (going bankrupt), and we needed to work on communications (therapy). Since April of 2010, I kept hearing the housemate would be leaving the next month, it never happened. He was working on bankruptcy this past spring, but stopped to wait and see what the VA was going to do with his claim to know whether he would go Chapter 7 or 13. The housemate was not removed from his house until July 1 2011.
Okay, so we get home from the cruise and his car is full of stuff. My housemate looked at him and asked if he was going to tell me who put that there or was she. She told me it was that lady I kept seeing at work and calling him. It appears he was with her and for some time. I am not sure what he says is true any more, but he dated her before me, then went back with her summer of 2010 because we kept having troubles, but still saw me at times. He talked with me the week after and told me he was staying at her home. She was his ride to work. She actually has been in his home where the roommate assaulted her. This lady told my housemate they were engaged, pregnant, and she would never let go of him. He had clothes in her home and mine. After our talk about what was happening and I told him she would have to go, he brought more clothes to my home. I thought that was the last of her. He still wanted to marry me and I still said we had some things to work on first. It was fine for a week.
Then he would disappear again and lie about coming over. Excuse was he went home and shutdown. At this point he had gotten a car. I paid for all our trips and gave him money toward the car with the thought it would be us. Finally after he lied again about coming over, I put his stuff on the porch and told him to get it.
Oh yes, his dog has been with me for a year. He brought him here after he said his roommate killed the other one. The dog is now bonded with me since he rarely saw the dog during that year and I have footed all the bills for the dog as well. When I walked the dog during my lunch time at work, he had lunches with that other lady. Folks would tell me at work.
Back to putting stuff on the porch, he told me not to do this. I did and some what regret it, but I am not sure how to make this craziness go away. I am shaking right now and crying.
We went back and forth some more, but he never really came back to my home.
We went to Miami last May to talk with a friend and said we wanted to marry each other then. I said the same of what needed to happen, roommate, finances, and therapy before that step. He tried a therapist before Miami, but she said he needed more help than she could provide. I know he was hostile toward her. He says he is testing them to see if they can handle his anger. Then he went to a lady I saw for awhile because he could get her through some military program for free for a set amount of visits. He made nasty comments about her as well and is not seeing anyone.
I am sorry this keeps jumping back and forth, but I am typing as it hits my mind or it will not get out.
On June 14, he sent me an email to marry him before July 1 or we may miss the boat. I said we still have not done the three things. July 1 he married that other woman and the housemate was removed that same day. I did not find out until August 3 through people at work that they married. He even told me after July 1 he wanted us together and loved me. I am now totally hurt and feel just insane inside. I asked him why. He said because I said no. He said it was just a piece of paper and not a conventional wedding. She was never asked and wanted to be married. He will not say he loves her and says he gets nothing out of it. He insists they live apart and she is not pregnant. He says he will get an annulment and was to see me last Friday. Again, he did not show up or call.
Is this really PTSD actions?
I still have the dog. He wants him back, but I said no. The dog is now bonded with me and it shows when he has been around.
