Relationship Veteran being distant

[caligirl03]

My combat PTSD vet went from telling me he loves me and wants to marry me on Monday to now being almost completely MIA. I'm heading out of town this weekend, and we had talked about me leaving him my keys so he could come and hang some shelves for me while I'm away, which he offered to do. I told him of course, and that I was going to even stock the fridge with beer for him and some of his buddies if he wanted to have them over to watch the game. He called me on his way home from work yesterday, and I called him back a couple hours later then again a few more times later that evening but no answer each time. I'm not usually so adamant about trying to get in contact, but we had to coordinate for this weekend, and time was running out. Anyway, I finally texted him, and he texted back. I asked what he was up to, and he said nothing really. I asked if he had seen my missed calls, and he said no (I'm calling BS). Radio silence since then. I'm leaving to Mexico in a couple hours with some girlfriends. We won't have any reception down there and will be incommunicado for the next several days, so I assumed he would at least want to touch base once before I go, especially given the plans we had talked about. It bums me out when he gets this way, especially because it seemed like he had finally turned a corner. I let him know that if he ever just doesn't feel up for talking, it's completely ok, but to just let me know, and I'll understand. Just don't BS me. Should I just let it go and see if he gets in touch when I get back?

 

[Snowflakes]

He is an adult. Lock your front door (as in take your keys with you), meet up with your girlfriends and head to Mexico, don’t look at your phone, and have a great time. You can pick this up after you get back. Have fun !!!!!!!

 

[Freida]

Should I just let it go and see if he gets in touch when I get back?

Yep. Sorry - hate to give you that answer but....Yep. Keep your keys, don't worry about the shelves, go on vacation and enjoy yourself.

It sounds like he's been triggered by something and hes isolating. If that's it then you can't fight it. He has to just ride it out
Or he's hes become a total douche and he's getting ready to dump you. If that's it then good riddance.

The worst thing about being in that "mode" is I don't realize the impact it has on my supporters until AFTER its over. Then I have a lot of damage control to do to make up for my behaviors. I think that is what is so confusing to supporters -- how we just shut it off. I don't have an answer other than to say it is rarely because of something they have done. It's what is malfunctioning in my brain. And I just have to hang out until it passes.

 

[Virtues]

maybe you leaving him for a beautiful tropical paradise where you wont have any communication is what triggered him??? maybe he feels abandoned???

I'm just taking a stab in the dark... don't know the nature of his trauma, but I when I got pinned down by enemy fire everyone ran for cover... I definitely have some abandonment issues...

either way like the above 2 posts say he needs to figure this one out for himself. Even if this is the trigger there isn't much you can do except enable him, and you don't want to do that...

 

[Angelwings]

My combat PTSD vet went from telling me he loves me and wants to marry me on Monday to now being alm...

@caligirl03 I cannot tell you what to do, but I can tell you what happens when I'm having a hard time with my PTSD. I cannot communicate with anyone. I have to be in a safe place and with safe people and no one else. Sometimes I even have to be away from my child. I miss photo shoots, I miss volunteering, I miss everything. People don't understand why I go MIA, but they are always kind when I get back in touch. I think it's great that you're understanding about his situation. My good friend who was a combat veteran with PTSD needed a lot of understanding, and he didn't always get it. He didn't make it. I'd be loving and let it go if it were me. He's going through hell. PTSD is very hard and everyone has different symptoms, but I think we can all agree that it's one of the hardest things to live with. Good luck, hang in there, if you want a future with him just give him unconditional love and understanding. Sounds like you are doing what you can.

 

[Sighs]

Unfortunately, you can’t schedule isolation. In my experience it always seems to happen at the worst possible times. It never happens when I will be away anyway – usually happens the moment I come back. He has literally walked out the back door of the house as I’m walking in the front door after being away overnight for work.

Lock the door, enjoy Mexico and hang your own shelves when you get back.