Sufferer Veteran with ptsd

[Freida]

but, I have PTSD. There, said it.

@Warrior Chicken Congratulations for being brave enough to say it -- and welcome to the club.

 

[RCD_VET]

Hey. I don’t post much cuz many times the right words just don’t seem to flow when I write. But your posts resonate....

I'm glad to see that with as little activity I've had here that I'm able to help someone a little as well. Even if it's just that we are not alone in this journey. That's exactly what I've been finding here as well. There are many people that have had a similar cycle to mine and it helps me feel like I'm not a freak. That it's almost normal. It seems that for a lot of us that have gone years without help are starting to get the help we needed. I think it has something to do with awareness as well. When I served and went through the big incident we met with Military Police just to give our account and were sent back to work the next day. We did our duty now carry on. I certainly hope things would look a little different these days as they are more aware of the effects on people's minds as they experience such issues.

 

[Warrior Chicken]

@Freida & @RCD_VET Thanks.... It does help to not feel alone even though we often think it’s better/safer to be alone. I battle that on a daily basis. And the whole “suck it up, carry your own kit” don’t be a burden on others. But the truth of it is....we can’t make it thru alone, it’s ok to have support. So, this place is exactly that....somewhere that people understand and it’s ok to say the stuff you would never say elsewhere. I have to be better with sharing those things here....one day at a time.

@RCD_VET i also don’t like armoured vehicles anymore.....

 

[MP7]

Hey @RCD_VET and @Warrior Chicken the Armorer vics are only good if your being shot at! I was in a Bradley when we hit a smallish bomb, I was looking out the top and the hatch clammed shelled my helmet/cvc between the 300# hatch and the lip of the Bradley... concussed/tbi, 9 stitches, 5 teeth removed and now I have to take aderol or the like to stay as sharp as I was before the incident...

Hey love your call sign there @Warrior Chicken !!! So funny,..

 

[RCD_VET]

Hey @RCD_VET and @Warrior Chicken the Armorer vics are only good if your being shot at! I was in a Bradley when we hit a smallish bomb, I was looking out the top and the hatch clammed shelled my helmet/cvc between the 300# hatch and the lip of the Bradley... concussed/tbi, 9 stitches, 5 teeth removed and now I have to take aderol or the like to stay as sharp as I was before the incident..

That's rough!! It's stories like that which made me feel I hadn't been through enough, or seen enough, to have PTSD. My RCD buddies woke me up to the possibility when one told.me he got medically discharged related to the incident we were involved in. Another got divorced before his PTSD was recognized. Between those two and a friend that works at the Legion it made me realize this is more serious than a few bad memories. Armored vehicle hatches play a big part of my issues. Don't worry MP7...I'm having a good day. :)

 

[Freida]

It's stories like that which made me feel I hadn't been through enough, or seen enough, to have PTSD

is

@RCD_VET I'll give you the same lecture my T is forever giving me! You don't get to compare stories about HOW you got it. Your job is to work on getting better because you have it and need help. And some one who knew your story would say the exact same thing..... "His/Her story is so bad I shouldn't have ptsd because I didn't suffer as much".

It's a minimization technique I think we all share. :).

 

[Gadgie]

I can still remember the day I was diagnosed wth having PTSD. I was sent to see a “therapist” by the doctor, which was worrying for me, as I never even knew what a therapist was, or what they did.

So I trotted along, met her, then sat down, wondering what happens now? She must have been really good at her job, as within an hour she had me pouring out all my nightmares and bad thoughts.

Then she put down her note pad, sat back and told me that I had this thing she called PTSD. I never had a clue what that was?
But when I got home, all excited and told my wife that I wasn’t going mad, (as I thought I was!) all I had was PTSD.

Her reply, was “I told you that you weren’t going mad, now go and make a cuppa you nutter!” Oh! How I miss her, she had such a way of saying things.

 

[MP7]

@Freida i thought that... really about even going to the VA to make a claim. I thought, I got friends who lost limbs, got shot in the head and lived, and of course who made the ultimate sacrifice... “what do I have to complain about?” Took a retired Sr infantry NCO neighbor to beat it into my head that I also “could make a claim for benefits earned and that btw... you got ptsd and should talk to my doc.”

Changed my life... same revelation @Gadgie had.... it’s not just me going crazy, well I guess sort of, but manageable with meds... doc told me it was a chemistry thing about seratonin being all out of wack due to war time adaptations to the brain which I could understand... also explained why I still have the occasional urge to want to be in the mix again... hard to break that urge to seek out a bit of danger or desire to get the bad guy... almost makes me want to be a cop/swat/sheriff or something.... just can’t stand the poor pay...

 

[Freida]

@MP7 my therapist reminded me today that when I first saw the paperwork for my FMLA a couple years ago and it said PTSD I actually screamed at her. "What the hell! I have never hidden under a table in my life!". She said. "..uhm. Is that what you think PTSD is?" Lol. Took her more than a few sessions to get me on board. Looking back its funny...but but wasnt then

 

[MP7]

@Freida Don’t I know it!!! So I’ve had three distinct revelations with this diagnosis. First time as I mentioned... later on after I accepted reality and had to go thru a meds to find one that didn’t mess with sexual performance, cause there is one that does for me... I call it the ptsd drug that shall not be named and it’s on a terrorism watch list!

The last time was when I got a profile for ptsd from a doc. I did my first 5 yrs active duty, and my next 6 reserves. Made the comment a few years back now during the annual that the VA has me diagnosed with ptsd... kinda like yeah no big deal. A week later I check my online med status to ensure I was green and I’d be damned if I didn’t have a legit no shit profile stating I had ptsd and could no carry my personnel assigned firearm for 6 mths!!! Couldn’t believe it! Needless to say that profile is getting me an increase in my percentage of VA comp but damn... the stigma still exist and punishingly I would add. Would have been terrible if we were actually deployed or on maneuvers during that time...

 

[RCD_VET]

I did my first 5 yrs active duty, and my next 6 reserves. Made the comment a few years back now during the annual that the VA has me diagnosed with ptsd... kinda like yeah no big deal. A week later I check my online med status to ensure I was green and I’d be damned if I didn’t have a legit no shit profile stating I had ptsd and could no carry my personnel assigned firearm for 6 mths!!! Couldn’t believe it! Needless to say that profile is getting me an increase in my percentage of VA comp but damn... the stigma still exist and punishingly I would add. Would have been terrible if we were actually deployed or on maneuvers during that time...

I can see this as SOMEWHAT of a positive change to the military though. To take it one step further they should at least find out if you're being treated and your doctor should have the right to have that added to your file. They are at least recognizing PTSD as a serious condition. Without going into details, the main thing that I can say for sure is what caused my PTSD is a vehicle accident where we lost a driver in our troop while serving overseas. We were all back to work immediately following interviews with commanding officers and MPs just so they could have all versions of what happened. No personal counselling or anything while overseas or upon return to Canada.

 

[Freida]

the stigma still exist and punishingly I would add. Would have been terrible if we were actually deployed or on maneuvers during that time...

@MP7 yep - I'm in that boat right now. VA has said I shouldn't go back to work and I'm trying for long term disability from the job - but those few who know why look at me like I'm a total loser. Even though I know (ok --working on knowing) that what I survived would have probably killed them. Stigma is huge even after all these years.... but it is slowly getting better....

No personal counselling or anything while overseas or upon return to Canada.

They are at least recognizing PTSD as a serious condition.

@RCD_VET Sadly -- if I had gotten counseling back in the day it probably would have saved me now. It is amazing however that the VA has been so good about my PTSD treatment. I know some have horror stories but I've been really lucky and my team has fought for me every step of the way. First they got me my increase and now they are fighting for my disability at work. They are treating it as an illness instead of a personal failing. Hopefully someday they will get me to completely see it the same way.