Relationship Violence Upon Waking

[TIFFk]

I would like to start off saying that my boyfriend (who has Combat PTSD) has never been violent or even angry. We have been together On and off for about 2 years and I have never been "scared" of him. He doesn't have outburst or triggers that make him angry. His triggers cause him to go deep into depression and isolation but never violence.

For the first time in the middle of the night he scared me. We were both sleeping when I woke up to him on top of me choking me I yelled his name (the best i could as I was being choked). His eyes were open like he was awake but he wasn't . He woke up when I yelled his name and he was terribly upset that he had choked me. I asked him if he was having a nightmare and he said no , but he has felt so bad about it.

I told him that I know he would never hurt me on purpose but I can tell he is stressed over it.

Is there any way I can help him?

 

[TIFFk]

I hae read several threads about night terrors and ways to help minimize them ,but not how to provide support.

 

[bell]

I don't have any advice, as I've never had to deal with this, but want to say that you need to take care of yourself, too. I know that you want to help him, but don't get so lost in that that you forget to process what happened last night, too.

 

[TIFFk]

Thanks @bell for your reply. I'm in hopes that this will not become a reoccurring thing since this has never happened before.

 

[Justmehere]

Is he in treatment?

 

[TIFFk]

No @Justmehere he hasn't been to treatment in a year and a half. I convinced him to make an appointment 2 months ago and he has had 2 appointments since and has cancelled them each time :(

 

[TIFFk]

I offered to take him to the 2nd one (in case he hated driving there or being alone) but he didn't want me to ...when I got off work I asked him how it went and he told me he didn't go :(

 

[Sighs]

Is there any chance that this might be the "push" he needs to go back into treatment?

 

[Sweetpea76]

Has he had nightmares before that you've noticed?

 

[TIFFk]

@Sighs I hope that this will motivate him to not cancel his next appointment !!!

@Sweetpea76 he has had nightmares since he quit smoking ...he doesn't have them very often and he doesn't generally wake up particularly startled

 

[Sweetpea76]

I'm glad you are OK, at least physically, even if you had the bejeebus scared out of you and you're worried sick about him. Hopefully he will change his mind about treatment.

I don't know if there is anything you can really *do* about it, except maybe to be extra affectionate (if he can tolerate it) and "show" him that you are not afraid of him. I can't speak for all vets, but my vet seems to feel worthless or unlovable if he feels like he has hurt or scared me.

 

[TIFFk]

Thanks @sweetpea ..I REally appreciate your reply :)