Voices

[Deleted member 28403]

Yesterday I told my dad about what I feel and today they questioned me and got me nervous and then "concluded" that I am completely normal and just want attention.

When I told them of some symptoms they hoarded me with me not having them as "their child isn't schyziphrenic and can not possibly hear voices".

They simply discarded my suffers and started blaming me for stuff and saying that I only want attention.

Then when I said that they only blame me they went about how they " only praise me" and that I shouldn't be like that.

I can't do schoolwork normally and they will just be more mad at me, as they set me time limits for all work. I can see them only as crazy perfectionists.

 

[The Albatross]

I was a troubled teen in crisis. I know it is not easy to live in a family so enmeshed in their own issues. Setting yourself squarely in opposition by seeing them "only as crazy perfectionists" is something you can work with at 14. Can you openly and honestly observe your family dynamic and assess with a more mature mind what is going on in your family?

 

[Deleted member 28403]

They simply can't take it tham I'm not perfect, when I try to escape from them they do all to prevent me. When I have diarrhea due to stress they are angry at me for spending much time in the toilet, when I run away to my room, well, my door currently has one hole from when my dad was last angry enough at me for running away and they often threathen me with taking the door off.

 

[The Albatross]

Perhaps a good place to start would be saying that stress related diarrhea (which I have too along with allergic) is a biological need and without a chamber pot or crapping your pants, it isn't presently something that you can do much about except.... go to the bathroom.

What does the toileting issue have to do with running away? There were many holes in our home.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Because when I get nervous I get diarrhea as I can't hold it in.

My body doesn't work well.

 

[shimmerz]

I was accused of wanting attention to - I get that now - decades later - that it wasn't for attention at all - that these are my reactions that I couldn't understand or control at the time.

This is something that most families go into denial about and it makes healing WAY more difficult for the sufferer. If you are looking for understanding and clarity come here. You will be able to get a sense of who you are without people screaming and getting angry at you because of their own issues.

My heart goes out to you. I know this is difficult.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Thank you all.

Without you I would have much more trouble getting through weekends and nights.

 

[shimmerz]

@otakujome - right back at you.

 

[sun seeker]

Ouch. I'm sorry you are going through that.

Can I ask a clarifying question if you don't mind? Are the voices inside your head or outside? I do have a reason for asking.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Hm, I don't get the question.
What I know is that I can't make them go away easily and that they are not real.

By that I guess they count as inside my head, as they are not real, just made by my brain.

 

[sun seeker]

Okay. To clarify, when you hear them do they sound like they are coming from inside your head or do you actually hear them coming from somewhere outside yourself, like when someone is talking to you?

The reason I ask is as I understand it, voices that sound like they are coming from outside of you can be a symptom of schizophrenia, which is one thing you seem to be worried about - I'm not saying that is what is happening, but it could be one possibility. But voices that sound like they are coming from inside your head can be a symptom of DID, which is a completely different condition with different treatment.

I stress that no one here can give you a diagnosis, but I wanted to ask because if you are going to see a therapist and the voices worry you, it seems important to tell the therapist which of these things is happening to you. Psychiatrists have lots of experience with schizophrenia but may or may not know much about DID so it likely won't be the first thing they think of. You want to give them all the information so they can help you.

I'm glad you are going to see a therapist and really hope they can help.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Hm, to me it doesn't look that much like DID, as the voices are associated with my trauma (laughter and names bullies called, instead of an actual personality that talks).
Its just that my brain is fkd from hat happened in past.