Relationship Waiting

[ptsdpain]

I've been aware of my husband's PTS symptoms, or combat stress, or whatever we want to call it, for the past two years. We've been together almost 6 years and will celebrate our 4th anniversary on July 4th. I knew he was a hothead and had trust and attachment issues before we got married, but for the first 3 years together, he was an amazing partner - fun, outgoing, flirty, sexy, romantic. Then he deployed and a few months after he returned, I discovered his online/offline chronic infidelity. He promised to stop, we saw a chaplain and attended a Marine Corps marriage retreat, he apologized and I gave him a pass with the stipulation that if it happened again, the consequences would be serious. He refused to see a marriage counsellor with me, so I started to see one on my own.

My husband was also unfaithful about 8 years ago (we have been together for 19, 18 married). I have repeatedly forgiven him for many other issues; however, I am trying to love him from a distant. I pray that he will make the right choices. My husband has also said very often that he can't "give me the type of love I want or need." I don't know if that is a cop-out or legitimate. He has a history of lies and manipulation. Sometimes I wonder why I would want to be with him anymore.

 

[Nicolette]

I'm bringing this back up as a lot of the new Supporters would benefit from reading it.

 

[SonyPR]

Well, I decided not to wait. It breaks my heart because I really love this man, but he says I don't have to put up with his things. We dated for a year, and the last month was horrible. He did not want to spend time with anybody, very short on his conversations...

On our last conversation (on Friday) he told me he does has feelings for me, that I am a wonderful woman, that any man would be very lucky to have me, but he will not do anything to retain me by his side. He even told me he didn't do anything to save his previous marriage. He says that's the way he is now and if he does not feel he has to do something he won't.

That's why I decided not to wait, because he feels comfortable being that way. I have read a lot about PTSD to understand his isolation and lack of conversation. What I don't understand is why he is letting me go if he loves me?

 

[amethist]

Sounds like he is letting you go so he does not hurt you with the way he is. He may love you, but knows he cannot make you happy.

He even told me he didn't do anything to save his previous marriage.

This sound like he is being honest with you here, maybe a warning that if something goes wrong between you, he wont do anything to save the relationship.

Take good care of yourself as you move forward, sometime even the good ones have to be let go.

 

[SonyPR]

I know. It is hard to accept, but every day that passes by I feel more at ease with the decision. I cannot lie, I am worried because I don't know how is he. I don't know if he is eating properly, if he is at least sleeping for a few hours. I am so worried about him, but also I have to take care of myself.