Wanting therapist to dislike me?

[1A2B3C]

I stopped therapy 4 months ago after receiving it for a couple of years on and off and not really talking about my past. My problem was/is that I get on well with my therapist but feel I want a therapist that I dont get on with to tell the bad stuff to. Someone who doesn’t like me? Im trying to understand why this is. Maybe because I don’t want someone who’s company I enjoy to know a bad side of me? Or because I don’t want kindness for what I’ve done? Anyone feel the same?

 

[Chris-duck]

I don't know if this is exactly what you mean because I'm not sure I'd cope with a therapist that actively disliked me. But I've had some therapists that I felt protective of and didn't want them to think badly of me or not cope that I hid a lot of information. I'm not sure I wanted someone that didn't like me as much as just needed someone I didn't feel so protective of.

 

[Abstract]

Do you feel threatened by emotional intimacy? If someone close hurt you you may feel safer with emotional distance.

 

[Mach123]

This is an old trick of mine and I've written about it extensively on here somewhere, probably my diary. My therapist is an expert, and she knew what I was doing, and earned my trust completely meaning, she wouldn't let me make her not like me, or even let me get that idea in my head. Don't ask me how she was able to do this. Given the stuff I had to bring out, all I can say is, she convinced me it was my condition and not me, and she convinced me she believed it too. I don't think this quality is easy to find in anyone and sadly, not in a therapist, though it should be a requirement? I have the deepest respect for her.

 

[ArmadilloPolarBear]

My problem was/is that I get on well with my therapist but feel I want a therapist that I dont get on with to tell the bad stuff to. Someone who doesn’t like me? Im trying to understand why this is.

This is the job of the therapist, to help you figure out why. It's really important to talk about these things with them.

I've started doing that with my therapist I am seeing now and it's made a complete difference in how well the therapy works. For years I avoided talking about my feelings about the therapy/patient relationship with them and I never got anywhere significant. Now I speak up and tell my therapist when I get pissed at her, or something bothers me, it opens up a valuable conversation in therapy, and it's really helped. But for years I always thought that I had to fix my issues outside of therapy on my own without the therapist, which is silly because that is what they are supposed to help with. In my case I just avoided talking to them about it because I didn't want to bother them and I was afraid my therapist would get mad at me.

It could help to bring up the issue with the therapist, and have a conversation about it. It helps to get to the bottom of the issue with them instead of worrying or guessing about it between sessions. I have no idea why I drove myself crazy for years avoiding directly bringing these kinds of things up in therapy, yet that is what I did.

 

[hithere]

I'm going to make a guess that you fear being vulnerable like probably all humans. It's a risk and it feels like hell at times. I will just say I did that, picked a therapist that I knew didn't like me. When I finally shared hard stuff (to me)---it was a disaster. So from experience I'd say if it's trauma related you should pick someone who likes you, because when the shit hits the fan it sure adds more trauma to the trauma when the person listening to you can't wait for you to leave.

 

[Stephernovas]

So this is exactly what I just explained to my therapist. For me, I call them 'casualties'. Rather than being friends and having nothing but positive experiences with her (by friends I mean that if I didn't need a therapist I wouldn't have had to meet her professionally and we could've become friends - we seem to get along well), I now have to work to disclose the ugly negative stuff of my life to her. When you're out in public and you meet someone new, you often don't want to sit and talk with the individual who is sharing nothing but stories of pain and suffering..do you? But, this is exactly where she pointed out that I need to experience positive relationships where the other person (who I care about) hears and knows this stuff about me, but shows compassion and understanding versus the neglect, shame and embarrassment that I'd previously suffered. I have an exceptionally HUGE issue with trust, so I have to have a therapist that I like or I won't talk. What it sounds like you are doing is nothing but avoidance. It's fear inducing and not fun, but it needs to be done. Stick with the therapist you like, and work on sharing with them.

 

[hithere]

Ive continued to think on this topic and I do/did this as well. I've been pondering it and there are multiple reasons for it for me. One is if I know the counselor doesn't like me (which I did know this) then I can "know" the outcome of sharing will be bad and there will be no uncertainty about the outcome. However, it ended up back firing because I guess I did need some one to actually give some sort of care. the other reason is I don't feel I deserve nice treatment. the third reason is the trust issue, I don't want to trust because it is very, very frightening to trust. so if I feel comfortable or that I can trust, it causes intense fear-which this dynamic is the result of the type of betrayal trauma I experienced. so it's best if I don't trust the person or avoid those intense feelings of trust and fear at the same time. it's all a big risk, and maybe it's just too big of a risk.

 

[MyWillow]

@Stephernovas get out of my head lol

I am the damn queen of faking it.