Wanting To Belong

[Meli]

I did everything he wanted, I let him do what he wanted, even when I began to feel it wasn't right and tried to fight I still felt that I belong to him.

He showed me alot of attention, mostly bad and harmful, I thought that was all I was worth. After being rejected by my birth family I didn't feel anyone would want be, just felt like a waste of space.

Hi Lilstar,

Anymore, I just keep trying to tell myself that I belong exactly where I want to be. I know all about feeling displaced, heck... I've been living with my carer for three years now, and my belongings are still in boxes.

The words I quoted above touched my heart to the core. Thank you for sharing them. My parents threw me out at 17, and I ended up in the clutches of a pimp. I absolutely felt like I belonged to him, and that I was worth nothing more than the street value of a common whore (our stories match only in part, but the emotions are the same). I did what I was told at all times, which saved my life and any physical injury I might have sustained otherwise. But the emotional scars are more than I can bear sometimes.

We'll find a place to truly call home eventually. But the most important thing is that we don't belong to anyone, and our worth will be based on who loves us, not on how easily controlled we are. I'd lay money on it that neither one of us will ever be in a position to be taken advantage of like that again.

Be proud of yourself,
~Meli

 

[Nyx]

Hello, Meli, and welcome to the forum.
I can only try to guess what your story is based on what you said above and I'm sorry you had to go through that rejection and humiliation.
The good part is that you are now on here, trying to find your truths and healing. I admire your courage for using your own picture in your avatar - you are a beautiful woman! - and I like the kindness I can see from your words above.

Take care of yourself and try to take your own advice:

Be proud of yourself

 

[Meli]

Thanks Nyx,

The "welcomes" are the best part of this site. Makes it feel homey! I'm a member of Ptsdforum as well, and will continue to put info out there. I outed my first abuser yesterday in an appropriate thread. That felt good. Sadly, there's more than one.

But that's all for another time. Tonight I'm just checking comments and reading. Thanks again for the compliments and the "welcome". It's good to be here.

~Meli

 

[lilstar]

It's really hard that feeling of not belonging and at this time of year it only gets hard.
What with birth family and adoptive family fighting over whats best. The one thing they seem to do is forget about asking what I want. I mean really is it that hard.

 

[Nyx]

Have you tried just telling them what you want even if they don't ask? Remind them you are in the middle. People dealing with their own feelings tend to forget to look around them...

 

[lilstar]

Nope I haven't, I guess this my chance to find my voice.

 

[krystina]

It's really hard that feeling of not belonging and at this time of year it only gets hard.
What with birth family and adoptive family fighting over whats best. The one thing they seem to do is forget about asking what I want. I mean really is it that hard.

I Think this time is very hard for anyone who has gone through abuse. It always bugs me during the holidays.
I think that is why I haven't been feeling so good lately. I also think that is why I have cried in my school counselors office for the past two weeks.

 

[Meli]

Me too, I spent Christmas with my abuser, and got extremely depressed about it. Not only was I being abused, but the house was disgusting; roach infested and greasy. For weeks, I couldn't help thinking about how lousy it was to be there on Christmas. No packages were exchanged, and I didn't hear a peep from my parents or friends. Every Christmas since reminds me of that, and takes on a whole new meaning of the negative variety.

Bah Humbug!
~Meli

 

[brokenchild]

I was adopted, but my mom couldn't take care of me for many reasons and my biological dad doesn't claim me as his daughter. I was raised by my grandparents and great aunt. I've decided that family isn't about blood relation, it's who you love and who loves you back. My "dad" who is really just a friend of the family isn't related to me at all but is the best dad I could have asked for.

 

[Meli]

Amen to that, Brokenchild!

Show beats Tell every time.... my biological father is no father at all, and I have family that are not related in the least. The ties to bloodlines just don't matter to me anymore; it's the people that make up a family, not the pages of a genealogy album. Be who you want to be, and pick who you want in your family. It's your birth right!

Best wishes,
~Meli