I have read a few other introductions in this forum, and realize that we are all here from such different backgrounds but basically for the same reasons.
For me, the reason is that I have been living with PTSD since I was a teenager (I am now 36) and while the symptoms have changed over time I sometimes wonder if it is possible to ever be free of PTSD. There were a few years in my life when I felt it was true...that I could finally live a "normal" life free of any affects from the abuse of my past. It always seems to come back.
Phobia of going to sleep, of being alone at night, of going anywhere alone. Difficulty trusting people, withdrawing into myself, social isolation. Depression. Chronic insomnia. Reacting to situations in the present as though I am experiencing a situation in the past. It has affected my work life to the point that I have lost two professional jobs because of it. It affects my family life. My non-existent social life. Being unable at times to be intimate with my husband.
I try so hard to keep these issues to myself. I blame myself for not being able to move on and create stability. I have a BA degree in social work and love my profession, but when my own illness becomes too intense I am unable to function at my job. Currently I am going through a period of extreme stressors that have been happening over the last two years and it has triggered problems and issues I haven't experienced in a long time to this intensity.
I can't sleep. I lose track of time, days, events, details, appointments. I avoid going out of the house whenever possible. My motivation has plummeted to do even simple things like housework or hygeine even (as embarrassing as that is to admit). I don't feel as though I can talk about any of these things, ADMIT any of these things to people who are close to me. I know that somehow I will get through this again and return to the person that everyone knows...but I keep asking myself why it has to be this way. Why can't I just get it together? So, that is why I am here. To try to see what has worked or not worked for others.
To find a way to talk about these things with someone without feeling ashamed or crazy. And to see if I can find hope again, because I don't want to accept that this is the best life available to me.
For me, the reason is that I have been living with PTSD since I was a teenager (I am now 36) and while the symptoms have changed over time I sometimes wonder if it is possible to ever be free of PTSD. There were a few years in my life when I felt it was true...that I could finally live a "normal" life free of any affects from the abuse of my past. It always seems to come back.
Phobia of going to sleep, of being alone at night, of going anywhere alone. Difficulty trusting people, withdrawing into myself, social isolation. Depression. Chronic insomnia. Reacting to situations in the present as though I am experiencing a situation in the past. It has affected my work life to the point that I have lost two professional jobs because of it. It affects my family life. My non-existent social life. Being unable at times to be intimate with my husband.
I try so hard to keep these issues to myself. I blame myself for not being able to move on and create stability. I have a BA degree in social work and love my profession, but when my own illness becomes too intense I am unable to function at my job. Currently I am going through a period of extreme stressors that have been happening over the last two years and it has triggered problems and issues I haven't experienced in a long time to this intensity.
I can't sleep. I lose track of time, days, events, details, appointments. I avoid going out of the house whenever possible. My motivation has plummeted to do even simple things like housework or hygeine even (as embarrassing as that is to admit). I don't feel as though I can talk about any of these things, ADMIT any of these things to people who are close to me. I know that somehow I will get through this again and return to the person that everyone knows...but I keep asking myself why it has to be this way. Why can't I just get it together? So, that is why I am here. To try to see what has worked or not worked for others.
To find a way to talk about these things with someone without feeling ashamed or crazy. And to see if I can find hope again, because I don't want to accept that this is the best life available to me.
