Have been on meds for a few months now and everything was fine until last night when I just sank deeper and deeper into that black hole of depression. I have been thinking about suicide a lot just to end all this pain that won't go away. Something inside is telling me that this is wrong but I can't see any other way out I don't want to be judged as I know a lot of people think its selfish and a lot of people just don't understand what its like to be sinking and having no way out. Talking to family and friends is not an option as I have kept all this from them as i do not want to be a burden to anyone. Thinking again knowing that ending it all is not the answer there has to be an end to all this pain without having negative thoughts.
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Wanting To End It All.
- Post starter my3girls
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anthony
Founder
There is a way out without suicide, it is called going directly into your trauma. Stop running from it, stop avoiding it, stop trying to push it all down, just start writing it down and working through it with your therapist, here on the forum, bouncing ideas around with others, etc.
Depression is a nasty nasty thing, but it can be managed. Forcing yourself out of negative behaviours is the first start. Exercise is key to helping depression. Keeping your mind active and engaged, not sitting around playing video games or such, as that is a coping depressant, not active engagement of your mind, such as reading a book out in a park or such.
At the end of the day though, depression is a symptom of PTSD... you have to go through your trauma directly in order to reduce all the symptoms being created.
That in itself is painful, but you get to live a full life that presents further options for you.
Depression is a nasty nasty thing, but it can be managed. Forcing yourself out of negative behaviours is the first start. Exercise is key to helping depression. Keeping your mind active and engaged, not sitting around playing video games or such, as that is a coping depressant, not active engagement of your mind, such as reading a book out in a park or such.
At the end of the day though, depression is a symptom of PTSD... you have to go through your trauma directly in order to reduce all the symptoms being created.
That in itself is painful, but you get to live a full life that presents further options for you.
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I hope you are doing better my3girls. Feeling as you do is not uncommon and can be quite debilitating.
I would encourage you as well to let someone close to you know what is going on. I agree that it can be risky but honestly, living this path alone makes times like this much more difficult. You might be surprised who is more than willing to be there as serious support.
Please take care.
Peace,
Rain
I would encourage you as well to let someone close to you know what is going on. I agree that it can be risky but honestly, living this path alone makes times like this much more difficult. You might be surprised who is more than willing to be there as serious support.
Please take care.
Peace,
Rain
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- #5
anthony
Founder
Just remember, the site is here to help you especially when you are bouncing of the walls and want to jump of a tall building.
I won't lie to people about healing trauma, it is more difficult more times than not, healing it, reliving it, having to go back into aspects of it, in order to reduce the pain associated in your present from the past. There is no necessary requirement to go back into every aspect of your trauma, far from it, but you will have to talk about aspects during it.
Every single person can heal their trauma, it always lays with them as their choice.
I won't lie to people about healing trauma, it is more difficult more times than not, healing it, reliving it, having to go back into aspects of it, in order to reduce the pain associated in your present from the past. There is no necessary requirement to go back into every aspect of your trauma, far from it, but you will have to talk about aspects during it.
Every single person can heal their trauma, it always lays with them as their choice.
Yes - exercise - my one saving grace for decades has been my obsession with getting fit. Although there have been suicide attempts/near misses in my past, and I was nearing that side of the darkness not too awfully long ago - there is a website I found by accident looking for a better way to commit suicide. If you google Suicide: Read this first by metanoia.org - it has stopped me in my tracks several times.
It is very hardwhen your traumas have been multiple and by people who should have loved you, protected you, been on your side - such that everyone seems suspect and that youcannot trust. If your like me, you've trusted some people who have hurt you terribly. So I know that whole -"I gotta go this alone" thing. But your therapist or counselor should always be available to you in a crisis.
Sunshine, exercise, animals, good healthy food, no street drugs, no booze, and sleep - even if you have to have a prescription sometimes - these are things that will make you able to better withstand the work you need to do. And read about PTSD. Read about what happened to your body and understand that it was done to you, your body adapted as well as it could, your coping skills however "crazy" worked in some way or you wouldn't be around now.
And I would be surprised if there weren't people on this forum who had never considered suicide as a means of ending their pain. But suicide is like amputating your finger because you have a bad hangnail. It's an irrevocable solution. Better to get some help than to end your life. I keep telling myself that every time I get to feeling gutted.
It is very hardwhen your traumas have been multiple and by people who should have loved you, protected you, been on your side - such that everyone seems suspect and that youcannot trust. If your like me, you've trusted some people who have hurt you terribly. So I know that whole -"I gotta go this alone" thing. But your therapist or counselor should always be available to you in a crisis.
Sunshine, exercise, animals, good healthy food, no street drugs, no booze, and sleep - even if you have to have a prescription sometimes - these are things that will make you able to better withstand the work you need to do. And read about PTSD. Read about what happened to your body and understand that it was done to you, your body adapted as well as it could, your coping skills however "crazy" worked in some way or you wouldn't be around now.
And I would be surprised if there weren't people on this forum who had never considered suicide as a means of ending their pain. But suicide is like amputating your finger because you have a bad hangnail. It's an irrevocable solution. Better to get some help than to end your life. I keep telling myself that every time I get to feeling gutted.
Pale Warrior
Gold Member
My3girls,
My days of suicidal thoughts and attempts (many) are a long way behind me now, over 20 years.
I can think back now in my mind's eye:
I see myself, alone, lost and desparate, and wish I could reach back and put my arms around that aching body and tell my young self how it would all work out in the end.
How I would meet my beautiful husband and have a safe and secure home, about the snuggling and laughing and my wonderful 50th birthday party surrounded by a band of dear friends.
I hope she would have believed me. x
My days of suicidal thoughts and attempts (many) are a long way behind me now, over 20 years.
I can think back now in my mind's eye:
I see myself, alone, lost and desparate, and wish I could reach back and put my arms around that aching body and tell my young self how it would all work out in the end.
How I would meet my beautiful husband and have a safe and secure home, about the snuggling and laughing and my wonderful 50th birthday party surrounded by a band of dear friends.
I hope she would have believed me. x
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