Relationship Wanting To Help.

[Brianne]

So, I went to high school with the man I am currently involved with.. October 2015 he had messaged me out of the blue, asking how I was.. I decided to look at his Facebook and found out his then girlfriend had passed away.

I thought right away, car accident.. or just a freak accident. Turns out she had committed suicide at the end of August 2015 and he was the one to find her. I couldn't believe it. I was so sad for him on so many different levels and being who I am, I wanted to help. Go on outings, 4x4ing, just being there for him in any way I could be.

We hung out for a long time, not being anything but friends. Eventually that friendship evolved into something different. I knew he had been through a lot and I knew the relationship wouldn't be an easy one. The first night we ever hungout I knew there was something about him but I ignored my feelings.. for his sake.

We started dated in June 2016. He got evicted from his place so I said he could stay with me until he found a place. He lived with me for four months and it was so amazing. He gave me a promise ring, we got matching tattoos. We decided to get our own place together and the first night there we got into a fight and he kicked me out. We then decided to just have some space but still work it out.

Then he asked me to move back in December 1st. With a little bit of hesitation, I agreed. Because I love him so much and I hate being away from him. He's my best friend. The day I was suppose to move in, he broke up with me. Out of no where. I was devastated. I didn't hear from him for a week, he then messaged me this past Friday saying how sorry he was and he didn't want to hurt me. I went and seen him Saturday and he told me he had invited a girl there and she kissed him and he then kicked her out.

He wants to go to counselling and get help for himself. I told him I would also see a counselor to figure out how to help him and myself in this situation. This situation is just so hard and I just want to know what I can do to help. I can't imagine going through something like that. I feel so unloved most of the time but I'm sticking it out. I know he's been through a lot.

How can I help? Should I back off? Should I just be there for him in any way he needs me? Am I giving too much leeway? I'm not sure. Any advice is appreciated.

 

[Brianne]

I think he is experiencing delayed onset ptsd. He's told me it has all come to light in such a short amount of time and he's scared. That hes lost and doesn't know what to do.

 

[PointlessExistence]

If I were female, I'm pretty sure I'd kick him to the curb...or if you really care about him, just be his friend. He kicked you out the first day you lived with him (where did you even go?), and he called it off on the first day the next time that you were going to live with him. It may take years for him to get over his fear of commitment, and there's no guarantee he ever will.

 

[feetfirst]

Welcome, there's really no thing as too much leeway when it comes to him needing time and space alone. The more you're able to understand it's not about you, the easier it will become for you. You may have a limit to how much time alone you're able to give him, but that's something you're going to have to carefully consider. S was away most of November, but I was totally okay with it thanks to what I've learned here. It's okay for you to have limits. You'll learn that boundaries are a must for your sanity and for the health of your relationship.

Search topics you're dealing with in the Supporter Relationship forum. You'll read the same story over and over. Doing so gave me such a sense of peace when I first came here, as it was also exactly what we were experiencing. I knew I was home.

 

[Brianne]

Welcome, there's really no thing as too much leeway when it comes to him needing time and space alone...

Even just reading some of them today I feel so much better. I didn't know this even existed. I have been dealing with this alone for quite some time not realizing so many people had been dealing with it. At first I didn't know what it was but a work friend told me to search ptsd and it is exactly it. I'm thankful I found this. Maybe sharing this with him would also help since he is so lost and confused as to what's happening with him but he's wanting the help. First he thought he was bipolar but after what he's been through I'm sure it is ptsd. I thank everyone for their help.