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Supporter Was my husband molested?

  • Post starter Post starter PatyV
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PatyV

Hi everybody,

I'm writing because I'm very confused about some stories that my husband has told me about his parents. To me these seem like clear stories of molestation but both of his parents are high powered lawyers in Paris with very respectable lives and I'm just in shock and trying to process how this could be considered normal to them.

The first story is that when he was about 13 years old, his father randomly decided he wanted to teach him how to masturbate. In order for him to do this, his father masturbated his son (my husband) until he orgasmed. This was done because his father decided he wanted to teach him. He then proceeded to tell him that it's okay to get horny by many things and said, "for example, I'm getting horny myself because I'm masturbating you right now."
This is very shocking to me and I don't understand how this could be considered educational to a 13 year old.

On a second occasion, about a year later, his father made a circle with one hand and told my husband to insert his penis into it and masturbate. Once again, this was done to "teach" him how to do it at 14 years of age. And once again, I find it completely shocking.

During both of these occasions, my husband found it strange and was uncomfortable but assumed that his dad was just teaching him how to do things. When he tells me these stories, he becomes visibly upset, on the verge of crying and is very confused about it.

The third story was when he was about 16 or 17. He woke up from a nap because both of his parents were apparently touching around his penis or perhaps his oenis itself and claimed that they were just playing with his pubic hairs because they had not seen them before. My husband got very upset at both of them and asked them to never do that again. Years later, he asked them why they had done that and they both denied that this ever happened which really upset my husband.

These three stories are extremely bizarre to me and shocking. He says that even though he was 13-14 years old when the first two happened, he doesn't remember much... which I'm understanding now is normal for abuse or molestation as your mind might try to forget as much as possible of it.

Now he is 32 and we own a business together where they have lent us money to purchase a building and I'm having issues with my husband being very afraid of confronting his dad about business matters and anything in general. After understanding these stories, I believe it is due to these last situations along with other questionable parenting behavior but my husband doesn't believe it affected him very much.

My question is:
Is this molestation/abuse?
Do people really teach their kids this way about masturbation?

Thank you for any replies in advance!
 
Yes, that is childhood sexual abuse.
It doesn't matter what his parents do/did for a living. Child molesters come from all sorts of backgrounds. I understand that this is shocking, but sadly, it is all too common.

It is also common for victims to have difficulties remembering. Trauma shuts off those parts of the brain that record memories, except for fragments and reactions.
Is your husband getting any form of treatment?
 
One added comment here. It can be very hard processing this stuff whilst still being around the people who did it to you. Its sounds like your lives are quite entwined so that may be a good place to start. How he is feeling now. How he can develop good boundaries with them. Ways to help his coping skills. Then after that dealing with the experiences themselves. I'm so sorry that you both are having to deal with this. Unfortunately education and money don't impact someones ability to abuse others or not.
 
His father did not do this to "teach him how to masturbate." He used that excuse in order to get away with it.

So sorry that happened to him. It is very shocking. Is he in therapy?

Edit to add: I didn't realize this post was older, but you're still welcomed :)

Let us know any updates if you have them
 
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