Ways Of Keeping Going

[Hashi]

This isn't about reasons to live, but approaches and methods for getting through the days.

I'm practising DBT skills and they're helpful, but the most effective ones are those that take me away from doing anything practical. Distraction and self-soothing are all very well, but unless I can also function to some extent I'm going to end up withdrawn from everyone, homeless and self-soothing in a doorway.

What I've been trying to do is to accept that the depression and suicidal thoughts are there, take care of myself and keep doing essential things alongside that. It isn't working. If I let them be there, then I can't put them to one side. They're overwhelming. Then if I try to process them in any way, eg journal or think about them, I feel so bad I can't do anything else.

If I numb the thoughts that helps me do what I need to do that day, but I'm not going to heal. I become a robot and it's so pointless it's like a living death anyway, but maybe that would be better?

I have therapy, and at the moment the trauma work is on hold because it was too destabilising. I'm wondering if even the general life stuff is too destabilising and I should take a break altogether for a while, or if it's better to have some support and accountability each week.

I can't say what do I do "right now", because now isn't different from any other time. If I take time out (ie not much more than self care) for two or three weeks then my practical problems will get even worse and that won't help with anything. And at the end of that time I'll still be just as depressed. It isn't temporary for me, it's severe and life long. If I keep numbing, that will never change. But at least I get through the day, in a grim and blank way.

I've tried medication but it doesn't help. I either live with this or try to heal it (while my life situation get worse?)

How do other people manage this? Again, not reasons to keep going but HOW do you keep going, in a practical way? Do you numb the feelings so you can cope with practical life? Do you try to work with the feelings, and if so can you do that and still function?

 

[ms spock]

Hello Hashi,

It is hard the situation that you describe. I do have many strategies for getting through the day.
A number of them are in my diary I don't know if that would be helpful for you (in the last few pages of it).

Some days I notice the feelings and keep on going.

Some days I get my self to do stuff for five minutes.

I write lists and break down tasks in to bite size pieces.

I try to notice and be aware of what I am going through and do things despite this, but there were times and are times when this is very difficult and I am a bit frozen on the weekends.

Routines and a flylady cleaning system helped for awhile.

Buddies to do stuff with can assist.

Rewards for doing stuff can help.

You illustrate some good awareness of your situation. I would stay with your T and work on day to day stuff and put the trauma stuff on hold. Keeping your T can help you put stuff into place.

I don't know how much trauma you have dealt with so my suggestions might not be appropriate for where you are at right now. So then they would be more helpful in the future. So take what is helpful and not as ideas to beat yourself up with.

I go to classes five days and two nights a week so that gives me a structure, without which, I am a bit lost.

 

[NarcSis]

I've done and still do the same things Ms Spock outlined.

I make lists for daily tasks and, while being aware of my stress level, I tackle them one by one. I take breaks as needed to calm myself, things like deep breathing, muscle relaxation, soft music or even a nap.

I was told at one point to "not acknowledge the trauma thoughts" and stay here/now in my mind. When I start to get overwhelmed, I find I start to have more trauma related thoughts, so when that happens I go "still". I stop moving, sit in a yoga pose and focus on the rhythm of my breathing, I eliminate all thoughts and just focus on it.

I've also found that going outside can help too, sit or stand and mindfully using the five senses, feel, hear, see, smell and "taste". It keeps your mind here and now and really helps to gain power over the trauma/depressive thinking.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I have been through this also and was told to be present, and not focus on the trauma stuff. I went out of my way to be mindful every day, focus on doing things, talking with people, doing somethng physical every day. After a month I was in a place where I wanted to, and could, work on trauma again.

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear Hashi, such a very difficult question, because I can relate so much.

I can only say, as others have said is good, and that you have to talk to a human being. Because somewhere I think ptsd leaves us feeling sub or non-human. And if you can distract yourself, not even so much with the intent of distraction but gravitating towards any thing or any thought which brings you a millisecond of peace, the thoughts will carry on in that direction. Remove to the extent that it is possible the triggers that bring you down. Know that it will get better, but in the mean time break it into small steps.

Not much I have to give but a (((((Hug)))), prayers for relief and health from this ASAP, and a safe feeling and rest for you, xox.

 

[Tinyflame]

And remember that ptsd tells lies. And that you don't have to feel ashamed for feeling like this, (you haven't done anything wrong). Or for telling someone.

((((((Hugs))))).

 

[intothelight]

Hashi,

I don't have much to add except, I try to get out of my own head, and do something for someone else. I find pleasure in making someone else smile or their day a little better.

:hug:

 

[KP the nut]

(((Hashi))), although I have been out of therapy for over a year now. I still do something that my T asked me to do.

He told me to buy a notebook, something nice that I would want to write in. I did and a nice pen to go with it.

In it I had to write daily things that made me happy, grateful for, proud of, thankful for. At first it was difficult but it helped me to focus on positives. I am now nearing the end of my 4th book. I include photos, tickets, cards, anything that I have enjoyed or am proud that I have done.

I can write negative stuff but change the wording to something like, 'I am proud that although the wheels fell off the car I managed to do x, y, z'.

Why not give it a try, it can't hurt.

 

[Shellbell]

Hashi, what you wrote I really identify with and there have been some really good strategies for how to cope.

My trauma therapy is on hold at the moment as well and I'm back in saftey and stabilization. The only way I can stop hurting too much is to be numb about it and go into robot mode.

Like Monster1977, my T has suggested I try hard not to think about the trauma stuff and be more present in my daily tasks and find more things that aren't stressful and to do physical things. I find this really hard, but I need to keep trying.

((((Hashi))))

 

[maddog]

Hashi, your post made me cry. It resonated with me so deeply that it could have come straight from within my own head. Right now I'm sitting in a psych hospital because I couldn't find a way through that dilemma or figure out how to cope. And now that I'm here, I still can't figure it out. I'm sorry I have no wisdom for you, though I note that others do. I just wanted you to know how much your post spoke to me, and how I wish it could be diferent.
Maddog

 

[NarcSis]

(((maddog))) hope you're okay.

 

[Hashi]

I can't reply properly now, I've just got back from therapy and I'm feeling fragile to say the least. But I wanted to just check in and say that reading responses, I'm so grateful and so in awe of people here. That people have taken time out to respond, tbat what every person says makes sense to me, and that you have been kind enough to share... I really want to thank you.

I'm going to respond properly later, but wanted to say now that I appreciate your replies so much. I'm sorry that any of us are going through this, or have gone through it. The fact that you have taken time to reply really, really means a lot. Thank you.