Ways To Challenge That Ole Suicidal Ideation.

[Tinyflame]

Oh Dear Ms Spock, I didn't mean you didn't accomplish protecting them. That is most obvious. Rather that as a child the burden of feeling responsible for doing so, and trying to do so, is too much for any child. (Most adults would be overwhelmed, let alone children). :hug:

 

[ms spock]

I didn't mean you didn't accomplish protecting them. That is most obvious.

I know that Junebug. I was trying to do the self talk that is was not my fault and it was unrealistic to expect myself to more than the Herculean tasks and rescues and saving that I did.

Rather that as a child the burden of feeling responsible for doing so, and trying to do so, is too much for any child. (Most adults would be overwhelmed, let alone children).

Yes it was too much and it has effected me badly. It is hard. Because giving up the idea of that is so hard. Because I have to face my powerlessness.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes @Ms Spock I see. :hug:

Not sure how to explain it, but as one forced to be vulnerable (myself) and powerless, is there not some saying of "when you are weak I am strong?" Perhaps trusting if and when powerless is occurring or does again it will still be ok. I think power gives an impression of control but is a bit misleading.

Was thinking maybe ways to challenge SI are paring down to what's important to you.

:hug:

 

[Tinyflame]

Here's something I used to do @Ms Spock , look towards something in the future that (I used to even) like, whether it be a few hours or days or an occassion (eg Christmas). Set a date to make it to there.

Also, do things (make commitments) even very very small ones, have to pick something up, or drop something off, or pay a bill, etc. Just 'do' them, act 'as if'.

(((((((((Hugs))))))))

 

[ms spock]

@Junebug Paring down the SI suggestions are most helpful. It might take me a while to get it but it all helps. Sometimes it takes me a while to get concepts.

I am attached to illusions of control, unfortunately.

Commitments are good. I like commitments

 

[ms spock]

Part of giving up the suicidal ideation is to give up all the magical thinking that I carry with me. It means letting go the false hope that things will get better with some magical parents and family turning up to love and support me. No one is coming. I have to do it myself. I have to love and support me.

 

[ms spock]

I also need to change my opinion of myself. I need to value and cherish myself. I need to trust myself and know I will make mistakes but it is not life and death like living with my parents was.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think those are HUGE, Ms Spock.

I think replacement works better than trying to stop.

You can do it, you are doing it. :) :tup: :hug:

 

[ms spock]

They are huge @Junebug! My goodness me oh my - the work I have to do to heal.

*puts hand on top of her head with fingers facing outwards in classic heroine pose from 18th Century novels or melodramatic movies*

Oh the humanity! Oh how much work I have to do! Oh dear me I have been getting it wrong! Oh Egads!

Oh the replacement thinking I will have to do!

I know me (to some small extent) and I am one stubborn lass when it comes to change. I just refuse as the fear is so big. I am going to have to do some self soothing with myself otherwise I will get stuck in absolute fear and terror.

Thank goodness that my sense of humour is returning and that it is a stellar cast type of sense of humour.

Can I do it? I hope so (Thanks for the barracking much appreciated it).

 

[ms spock]

Giving myself a break from it all. Totally focus on something else and not think about any of it at all.

 

[Hashi]

When you do come back to this...

Ms Spock, have you looked into dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT)? I don't know how much you know about it or might have tried it. One of the things it's for is suicidal ideation/impulses. I can explain more if you want. I think DBT is wonderful.

 

[ms spock]

I have been given some urls and I am not sure where they are now. I would appreciate you telling me about Dialectical Behaviour Therapy.