Ways to help prepare yourself for exposure therapy?

[Stephernovas]

Hey all,

I came home feeling pretty good after therapy today, but yet again my therapist allowed me to avoid going through a relaxation and the processing part of exposure therapy. As soon as she brought up settling into relaxation, I immediately began shaking my head no and getting worked up. Then, she started talking to me about return to work and I shook my head 'no' and once again, started getting worked up. When she started asking questions about it, I kept shaking my head, couldn't seem to find the words and mustered out the words, "I'm just not there yet". Somewhere in that conversation she asked me what I would want to do, and I couldn't even come up with a good answer. I'm happy she didn't push past that.

In the session, I did share with her that I do understand the benefits of doing exposure, but I don't like being pushed. She knows I hate being told what to do. She previously gave me the analogy that if child is scared of swimming in water, you don't just yank them out and avoid putting them back in. She shared that avoidance will build and and fear will intensify if you don't try to back into the water again and show them it's okay. But rather, the child will freak out even worse than the first time because it will not trust that it is safe. I used her analogy and told her I'm willing to go back into the water myself, but I need to be able to go at my own pace.

My therapists reply was that the whole point of therapy was for her to push me through the process, and (I guess) it's her (or the theorized/studied) belief that I won't do it fast enough for it to be effective (or something??). So, she constantly pushes it onto me but I am finding I'm getting frustrated I can't go/process that fast).

I know I've read a few other posts about people feeling pushed by their therapist, so I'm wondering if anyone has found something they have done on their own that helps their level of readiness increase? To me it's almost like preparing to go for a run/workout, some days you want to go and crush it, other days you're like ugh. no. why am I here??

I told her I'm not actively trying to be resistant, I just want to go slower than the pace she is setting. *(Which again reminds me of the gym analogy because if you have a personal trainer teaching you how to run and they know you are capable, they push you to the level they've assessed you to be able to handle).*

 

[Stephernovas]

sorry lol I am just re-reading my post and I feel like it's almost incomprehensible. Too many thoughts were trying to come out at once lol

 

[joeylittle]

I just want to go slower than the pace she is setting.

It sounds like you might not have a specific enough articulation for what 'going slower' means...can you write out, here, what it would look like to be going at a pace you are OK with, but still always going forward?

 

[Deleted member 541]

I think your therapist has a valid point. When we’re afraid, we avoid. So her idea of pushing you is valid in that she needs you to move forward without avoiding completely. Because that’s what fear leads to... Usually complete avoidance....

 

[Stephernovas]

I understand her point and know it’s totally valid, I’m trying to figure out what I can do to be or feel more prepared for it.

I don’t reallt know what slower means, but I hate how we barely talk about anything else. I think it’s the process I hate. She makes me do a relaxation that never really relaxes me, then talk about the day or wherever I want to start. I might try and see if I have to do it in that formatted way. The more “serious” it gets, the harder it is for me to do it. I think I hate that it’s therapist led. I want her there, but I want to do it. I have no clue what that looks like...if that makes sense, I guess. The way we are doing it now is just building my anxiety

 

[Deleted member 541]

So, if you were allowed to do this.... What timeline would you use???? Would you use jump into it, or kind of sit there and not say much????

 

[joeylittle]

I want her there, but I want to do it. I have no clue what that looks like...if that makes sense, I guess. The way we are doing it now is just building my anxiety

So it sounds like the thing that would change is, you would be completely choosing to do it, with no prompting whatsoever from her. Is that right? Not so much that you want to go slower, just that you don't want to do it at all right now? (Which is totally valid, I'm not criticizing - just trying to get at what it would look like to you, if you were able to shape how it was happening).

 

[Stephernovas]

So, if you were allowed to do this.... What timeline would you use???? Would you use jump into it, or...

No I’d talk about it for sure. I have questions and stuff, but I want it to be more conversation like versus me having to do this relaxation and have her then me do this weird storytime thing where I don’t last long and it ends.i don’t feel like it’s working or doing anything. I start getting worked up when she tells me it’s time to relax, so that’s probably an indication to try something else

 

[Deleted member 541]

Then bring this to your T’s attention. If you can’t verbally, print out what you just said to me and give it to her. Therapist are there to help. They do what they do best, and especially without guidance from us. If they have some kind of up front help from us, then they give us the lead. They want to help, they don’t want to hurt us or hinder our healing, they need to know how to approach things... just tell her....

 

[Stephernovas]

So it sounds like the thing that would change is, you would be completely choosing to do it, with no...

I mean, I think so. Maybe it’s a control thing. It ducks because when she’s not pushing me I’m like okay, next session we will talk about this and that regarding the accident. But when she assertively says this is what we are doing now, I start freaking out and then I’m so overwhelmed I shut down

I tey

Then bring this to your T’s attention. If you can’t verbally, print out what you just said to me and...

I plan on it. I’m trying to do my best to do things in the meantime to change my perception. Is this just the process and others are like this too, or can I be doing something differently or better

 

[Deleted member 541]

Good for you..... Just start the process of talking openly with your T and discuss how you’d like to approach this. I bet that your T will appreciate your opening this conversation......

 

[Stephernovas]

Good for you..... Just start the process of talking openly with your T and discuss how you’d like to...

Luckily because of my education and how I like to keep relationships, I am extremely open with her. As long as I’m able to articulate what I’m thinking/feeling, she knows.