Went To Aa Meeting Last Night, First One, Does It Really Help Any?

[Ellabella44]

pretty much spent the first meeting saying to myself .... omg im at a freaking aa meeting... somewhere i never thought id ever be. since this started, ive been places i never thought id go. This has just made a mess of me. running away from home to a beach to not drink... who does that ? sometimes this is just too much to fit into my head like theres not enough room for it all.

and i end up having done things i thought id never do (on the bad end) To just take drinking as a solution, and a whole mess of things that came with it and this. some days i just wonder when it will end , and can i hold on long enough till it does. I honestly go back and forth on do i need aa. sometimes i hate that ive been so honest in therapy that she has to suggest this or suicide hotline because of how bad drinking got for me.

I hate that this is me, that i have ptsd, that i became an alcoholic, that i harmed, that i ended up even considering ending things for any ammount of time, really what is wrong with me that this is where i am now? Tonight I want my supression button back , but its broken.

 

[TonyG]

I stopped drinking four months ago and avoid going to clubs, I didn't have a drinking problem as I drank to get numb, now I take medication best of luck with AA I went once and thought it was rubbish.

 

[darrenS]

i must admit i did not feel AA helped at all , nor did NA ...i am not saying they not a great organizations, i just couldnt get into the whole meeting thing and just hearing many many war stories. As another person stated there are many unsafe people and sick people within these groups alongside many safe people. It is something you have to be very aware of and was one of the things that directed me towards supervised support groups. My addiction was heroin, i used for 16yrs with many clean periods and have been clean except for a minor relapse for 30yrs.

I found other support groups a great resource and therapy. In fact i found the best thing of all was do a stint in rehab - yes residential rehab and after you leave ensure you have a good therapist and support group lined up. I attended many support groups and like any group they all have their issues , cliques etc, it really does rely on how good the group therapist is, but i found them very helpful in dealing with many issues and gaining support.
I also felt safer with supervision.

Any system will work, its just a case of you yourself wanting it to work and being committed to it. Its only through trying things and searching will you eventually find what suits you. And like anything ,,,do your research, there is a lot of information and misinformation about addiction.

Im also a strong believer in harm minimisation and if it gets to the point that you drink , dont throw the whole exercise out , treat it as a slip in the right direction - dont beat yourself up, dont drink yourself into oblivion believing you failed ..minimise any harm or damage....get up dust yourself off...and keep going forward, treat it as a hiccup not a disaster.

To some this may sound like bad advice, im a realist and know that relapse is part of recovery.

Good luck and i truly wish you all the best in taking these steps - any step forward is a step in the right direction

 

[StellaBlue]

If you prefer a secular approach (I used both for a very long time) try SMART Recovery online? I benefited from a lot of the materials that were in their "tool box" and their approach is more REBT/CBT/ACT/DBT. They do have a peer check in section.

I went to a Smart Recovery group for a while and really liked the approach. I don't consider myself an alcoholic (as in I'm not addicted to alcohol), but rather used binge drinking as a coping mechanism, so the CBT/REBT approach made sense to me, since I considered the binge drinking a choice that I made. I also liked the group leader and the people in the group. It was, for me, very non-shaming and practical.

 

[StellaBlue]

that was nearly 5 months ago that i was drunk and suicidal, its the will to not go there again that has me where i am now, and some times its a fight to not go back, after that night strongly think that if i get drunk again ill be back there.

This was me...except, after my drunken suicidal crisis, I had what I can only describe as a "sunyata" experience. It was very profound and has stuck with me (so far).

 

[Ellabella44]

looked that word up... that would be being at the tree in my avitar picture. I cant go there right now, too cold outside to make the trip. so flying without a net and looking for one in between now and when its spring.

 

[Recovery4Me]

Too cold to drive, eh?:whistling::clown:

@Ellabella44 ...hmmmm:cautious: It works if you work it. ;)

"AAOnline.net has open "facsimile" real time AA topic meetings for Alcoholics on the WWW. It has 38 Online Alcoholics Anonymous meetings per week and plans to add more. Approximately 55 to 85 people flow through the room during any one meeting. Average attendance per meeting is 62. All recovering alcoholics, or anyone with a desire to stop drinking with a Flash 7 (or above) Enabled Browser can attend the Meetings."
http://www.aaonline.net/

Hello, my name is Recovery4Me and I am a grateful alcoholic in recovery....20+yrs.:hug:

You have to really want to stop...no one else can make the decision for you. Peace and blessings on your choice.

 

[Ellabella44]

cant go there right now because i have reactive asthma... cant be out there in the cold, breathing is a priority somehow lol, so yes its too cold to drive there and take the walk down the pier and a ways on the boardwalk to the spot. ive stopped for 5 months now, drinking that is, thing is i may need some help staying that way right now. Thank you all for options to consider.

 

[Recovery4Me]

AA folks often call that "white knuckling it" when someone stops it on their own. Congrats. Just remember the on-line is available and therefore is always there if needed and desired.:hug:

 

[Changing4Best]

There was a movie out about a year ago called God's Not Dead. I found it to be very enlightening. I think it is on DVD now.

 

[Ellabella44]

dont think ill be going back there. think i need some time to insulate and get stable before i do anything face to face group related. Ill do what im doing at home for a while longer.

thoughtful suggestion sheila, but if you'd been through what i had, really turning to religion wouldn't be an interest for you. My parents decided it was best for one of my traumas to "make up for my sin" in a way that made my trauma experience worse. So I'm more comfortable without religion personally right now.