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What are healthy relationships like?

maybeiamabear

Confident
Notes from Therapy:

Barriers to pursuing healthy relationship and what are healthy relationships?

1.) i abandoned the relationship before allowing other to abandoned me, so i can have agency
2. ) i expect my partner to assume the role of caretaker and myself of a child
3.) romaticism
4.) fear of rejection
5.) committing before being in a relationship (I guess that's the fawn response)

What indicators/markers of healthy relationships? How do I recognize these markers?
Reciprocity
how to recognize it
more consistency then incosistency
more willingness to have tough conversations
 
What indicators/markers of healthy relationships? How do I recognize these markers?
my own chronic psychosis is severe enough that i don't expect to find healthy for me in a neatly organized list. nor did i expect myself to have a neat and accurate roadmap to shangrila at my wedding in 1980. hubs and i are still creating our relationship one day at a time on whatever terms life throws our way. some days that is easier than others. on the days i don't even like the stinky old bastard, i hold the love sacred and trust that our conflicts will work themselves out in the fullness of time.

my indicator that the relationship is moving in a healthy direction is, "the sustainable feel good." when ^it^ feels good to both of us, i trust ^it^ is moving in a healthy direction. we're not done yet, but moving in a healthy direction feels good and makes a dandy brick for our shared path.
 
I've been single for 20 years, so am not the best to help answer your question from experience as I've never had one.
But it is something I've explored a lot in therapy and I've come to the conclusion that understanding how people are with each other in relationships isn't the thing that will help me be able to do that. Instead, I think it's developing awareness and new ways to relate to myself and the needs of different parts.
I think that awareness will help me to navigate a relationship and be part of creating a healthy relationship one day (maybe).
 
A healthy relationship involves:

- Accountability, your partner being able to admit when they have been wrong and to apologise.
- Being able to feel what you feel, without being made to feel bad, too sensitive, wrong or have your feelings ignored or minimised
- Not feeling on edge or hypervigilant in the presence of your partner as a result of how they make you feel (aside from your own PTSD symptoms)
- Your partner listening to you, not talking over you or avoiding talking about how you feel
- Your partner being able to own their feelings and not blame you for their anger, irritation or negative emotions. No "you made me do that" or "it's your fault" kind of comments
- Being able to say what you think, how you feel freely without feeling fearful or anxious about your partner's reaction
- Feeling safe in the presence of your partner (which is massive for those of us who have experienced trauma)
- You being able to reciprocate all of the above for your partner
 
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