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General What are they thinking?

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for me this has been the biggest benefit from starting this thread. I had no idea!!! I just assumed it...

I am so hopeful for when my fiancé gets home and we can talk and he might be able to see this too, and I can reassure him that it’s gonna be hard but we can make it through. I think he will be really pleased I found you guys and have been able to educate myself through other experiences.

We have always been such strong communicators and I have found this isolation particularly difficult, but I know through all the sharing we have all been doing that we are not alone and other people go through these situations too. I am definitely hopeful and it is thanks to all of you guys.

I feel so warm and happy about this. It’s honestly made my week! He texted on Thursday he hoped I had a good session with my therapist, which made me feel positive that he still cares. I haven’t heard from him since then and it is now Saturday, but he is away working (his new job is pretty full on And challenging) and I am sure may not have the headspace for anything else as @Freida has often so eloquently explained.

I am learning every day and I hope we can continue this thread because it is quite honestly a little bit of a lifeline for me at the moment.
 
moody moody moody moody! I've been facing some hard thoughts this last couple days and it has left me with a huge hole in my stomach and heart. It's kind of making me look at things from a different angle which was fine -- until it wasn't. Now I'm moody moody mooody! Hubby keeps talking to me and I don't even realize I've walked off until ...oh gee...I'm in another room. why? I have no idea. Am I mad at him? I don't think so...but I'm not sure. Am I mad at me? the world? the dog? Beats me. but I bit his head off over something stupid and I'm jumpy and I feel bad for the poor guy. I was normal for all of 3 days.....now back to our regularly scheduled ptsd. crap.
 
Some big revelations in my feeble little brain this week that are going to have to be tackled in therapy tomorrow. And I don't want to go. Because then I will have to deal with it. And its going to be ugly. So my choices are...

don't go and don't deal with it for now. Problem: have to deal with it eventually and I KNOW if I don't get it dealt with I'm going to be bitch woman from hell until I do

don't go -- take off and pretend none of this stuff exists. Problem: I promised hubby i wont take off. He doesn't ask for all that much of me but this is a big deal to him.

don't go -- allow that numb feeling that is pressuring me to just take over and hide behind it. Problem: It numbs me to everything and I've spent the last few years in therapy trying to understand that for some reason this a bad thing.

go. accept that it is going to be horrible. suck it up and go. Problem: Pain - both emotional and physical. Bitch to hubby and anyone else unfortunate enough to cross my path for next few days. depression that I have to deal with more crap

Not sure what I want to do. Trying to keep hubby in mind because this affects him also. But hard to really care. Crap.
 
Some big revelations in my feeble little brain this week that are going to have to be tackled in therapy...
Hey @Freida i know it’s not the same because i don’t have PTSD but I felt entirely like you about going to therapy this week. I was really dreading it and I thought about Not going so many times. I felt like i hated her because i knew it was going to hurt going and I would have to answer tough questions for myself.

From a supporters perspective and knowing what I know of your story, your Hubbie I think would probably rather deal with the raging, depressed you following therapy, rather than the numb, running away you. Promises are so hard with PTSD. I really do appreciate you posting @Freida. It’s like looking at my fiancé in a whole new light because I see so much of him

Anyway continuing the thought I really do appreciate these posts because I know my fiancé is a really thoughtful man and I can through your posts see the kind of roller coaster he must go through when deciding what he wants to do or say or how to be. It’s just so helpful @Freida so I want you to know that even in the pain of having to make decisions you posting on here is having such a hugely positive effect for me, even though I am still dealing with my partner isolating. Xx

Also on a positive note I felt so much better after going to therapy this week, despite desperately not wanting to go. I felt like I had some real breakthroughs for myself even though I had to confront my fears and it was really scary and overwhelming. I am now looking forward to next week...so that’s progress haha
 
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Some big revelations in my feeble little brain this week that are going to have to be tackled in therapy...

there's another option....
Go, ride the shit rollercoaster that you know will come, be a bitch, get support from all the people who care about you, come out the other side with something positive.

therapy sucks, until it doesn't, or maybe it just always sucks, I don't know. :arghh;:banghead: I hope you go tomorrow.
 
My husband was my supporter until he got very sick and eventually died and I became his full time caregiver. Thus enters my now diagnosed anxiety disorder and has not left since. I live alone without a supporter anymore and have had to be there for myself after thirty six years of being married to a very good man.

It is now up to me how to cope with everything and I have had to go with the flow of my symptoms on my own and the supporters here have helped me so much.

I have days when I can function pretty well and I have my days when I hide away in my home and isolate to do self care. I am not afraid to live alone but everything happening in my life is arranged around where I am at each day and some days that I had planned to go out and do things have had to be postponed for another day and for me this is a very frustrating setback.

I am free to do whatever i want now within reason and do not travel like I used to due to a fixed income and lack of funds and fear of facing the freeways in this area.

If I do not want to do something based on how symptomatic I am I do not do them. I am trying to establish a routine for my days so I do not turn into a vegetable. I depend upon the people here for some advice on what kinds of things are best to do.

I just wanted to say thank you all supporters for being such beautiful people who love their sufferers and support them.
 
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