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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

I feel like I'm beginning to get a grip on things, or rather the very end of the right thing. I've got the doctors at ten which is probably why I'm awake at 5am but also I'm feeling positive and for some reason if I lay in bed I try to hold onto it like I might lose it, then I start to worry and I can feel the tension and agitation building, so I got up. Less than an hour ago I felt like I want more people in my life, I feel able to share warmth, tentatively, a bit shy but open.

I have physically been through the mill since spring 2011 and I'm just getting over it. Cognitively I'm starting to show signs of improvement. I can concentrate without freaking, I did a crossword with my mum over Christmas, I managed of read a book calmly and smoothly without a plume of pressure clouding my brain and making me trip out (The book was Going Solo by Roald Dahl, short and easy but very engaging). I can't remember it in the detail I'd like but enough. I made a list of things I need to do and could contain the forward planning o he realistic without spiraling off into future scenarios. I booked to go to a seminar and a gig in April. I saw some friends and I'm working on a unpaid commission.

It's funny that when I was first off work after a while I tried to force myself back and I couldn't. My boss said to me, in a friendly sort of way..'Do you know why you can' handle reality?'. Well actually he reason I got like his is because nobody could help me cope with mine. I'm finally got a bit of solid ground and the doctor better back me up. I'm on the CFS clinic and Trauma centre waiting list but I've got this odd sense of calm that even if I have to resign , it would be worth it.
 
Have had some most necessary, busy, accomplished days leaving me feeling increasing success and hope.

There has been recent serious disappointment in our community and directly affecting one of my children, this has me feeling disappointed, powerless, worried and wishfully competent to manage my feelings, though unhappy with needing to do so, and hopeful to help him manage his feelings and needs regarding a significant change for him.

The neccessary marathon work loads I've been doing have sometimes left me feeling frustrated and even my frustration has been 90% manageable with approx. only 10% whining. (lol)

It's hard to say how I feel, because sometimes I feel such a variety of emotions, while other times this is not so, but whether its one or the other way for right now I seem to be managing generally good but not without addictive substituion like smoking packs of cigg's for a few days and starting and stopping and starting and going without again.

What I do know is that this recent journey is a good one. And, more often then not I feel at peace and balanced,

....with the exception of when getting triggered by the news of sexual abuses, (like today), the missing children and all the exploitation of our children. Then is when I feel very sad, disgusted, worried, very frustrated, angry and I become overly talkative, (as if wired) when I am feeling so, so, hurt and afraid concerning that which is happening increasingly and seemingly everywhere throughout the world.
 

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