Totally get this. I had these feelings when I was younger. Don't let him abuse you further. My first husbAnd beat me up all the time, really bad. I lost one job that would kill me forever ( career wise) because of coming in with bruises or having to call in. He's dead now.. We were divorced for a long time. He died at 44 years old. Looked like he was 108.If my husband cared as much as he says, he would be supportive but he only adds to my triggers. So, I’m on my own and it makes me feel less human every day.