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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

So grateful and relieved, so much more peaceful and fun than I expected it to be. Even got surprised by a photo birthday cake, cojoint with the dog's birthday lol.

And a funny thing- choked (EDS) but didn't need 911 lol. Bit mortifying but thankfully not in that company so much. And wasn't shamed for it.
I find it very hard to remember to take only really small bites and chew alot. I eat more like the puppy. 😉

So so so relieved!!!!

Except, boy, do I have a lousy boss. Made it hard today, near-impossible tomorrow. Though someone not as crappy is supposed to let me know tomorrow.
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Exhausted physically, mentally, spiritually. Very weary and tired. Not intent to hurt myself though I seem to have a lot of Suicidal Ideation at the moment. Guess that is pretty normal. This time of year is difficult for me. The 3rd is my sister's heavenly birthday. I am missing my family...big time. And looking back over my life I can't help but to wonder WTH is going on??? ....for real!
I feel numb. It's another year I'm doing my best to be optimistic. My T wants to start going though my childhood trama and I want to but just so scared to dig deep into it. I need to and I will but gosh how to start and not go crazy. I just want to start over. I don't know if I'm pushing people away or there the problems.
I am RAGE, and sadness, and revenge.

It will pass.

It’s simply a consequence of remaining calm, and cool headed, today.

Or I’ll lean into it and raise a little bit o hell long coming.

But it will also pass. As long as I let it burn me alive from the inside out, first. As I will. As I’ve long given up any pretense of self respect, autonomy, or pride.

Pain, & pain, & pain. Burnt out. Never remembered. Never was.

Nothing. & No One.

Is all that is.
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I just feel like there is a dark hole in my stomach area were I store my emotions. I been trying to do what my T says Invision stuff but it works for a little and I'm back to feeling nothing. People say eating more helps I been eating a meal for the past week and nothing. Still no energy and I want to cut everyone off no matter who they are. I care for people but I don't care I don't have to talk to people and I can cut anyone out my life. It's just a mess that seems to never be fixed. I guess that is why I can't eat and my stomach hurts cause I'm storing other things in it. 🤣🤣