What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

[amethist]

I am feeling sad, hurt and a bit disappointed.

My aunt, my mums sister passed away over a week ago. I was told a few days later, by an e-mail from my mum. I did reply saying thank you for letting me know. Knowing also it would be extremely difficult for me to go to the funeral, not knowing if my 2 brothers or anyone else for that matter would say something out of line. This to me would be the wrong time and place to say anything about matters not concerning this day.

I found out that the funeral was to take place today, from my youngest daughter, who told me yesterday morning.

Unfortunately I knew then I could not go due to a meeting we have had arranged for weeks with hubby's support and it was an important one.

I did e-mail my mum last night explaining all this and more. Apologising for not being able to attend and why. I have had no reply as yet, maybe I wont get one at all. I have been told to expect an attacking one if I do. But to not let it get to me, as she will not listen to any explanation, or even wants to know about any of it.

It seems that she does not believe my husband is that bad, and has said, that he is probably not ill at all. Also whatever is wrong with him his is own fault.

So it looks like the reconciliation I was hoping for will not now happen.

I will have to let this go now, for good.

 

[PTSDT]

I also have a very sporadic relationship with my family for the past two years. I have had PTSD for decades. I was the strong one. I was the one who helped solve everyone else's problems. I was the one my mom would call when my sisters or their children needed something. It infuriated them all when I finally stood up for myself and knew I needed time to take care of myself.

Our reconciliations come and go. Over time, I have found I don't like spending time with them. My mom also emails me short emails when someone is sick or dies. So far, it has been an uncle on my dad's side and he was a waste of space. I also sent a short email of compassion for my father and never heard back. They wanted more out of me.

I don't have a husband and sometimes I get very lonely because I put most of my life into taking care of my immediate family. But I do have two friends who have become more my confidantes. I tell them the things that happened to me growing up and they understand why I finally had to give up being the family caretaker and they encourage me for taking care of me.

I have found I would not want my relationship with my family to ever be like it was before. I was their "go to" person to solve problems literally every day. Now, I have some peace to work on myself and decide what I want in life.

My Dad did write in my birthday card recently: I wish we could see you more. I thought, "I'll bet you do. Now you have to deal with the problems I dealt with from the time I was a child." I find myself thinking a solid reconciliation would be the worst thing that could happen to me.

Sometimes I see them when I feel like it. Most of the time I don't. Family times - good or bad- make it complicated and bring on bad feelings. I hope you work through all the complications through this time. I am sorry about the loss to you in every way.

 

[Deleted member 6617]

A deep sense of loss.
Determination to not let it get to me.

 

[Unhinged]

Aside form the normal feelings (anxiety, fear, frustration). Today I feel loved. I feel my husband and I may be able to make this marriage work after all.

 

[externalsmile]

Tired, but there is a spark of fight there that is threatening to turn into a full blazing fire.

 

[Unhinged]

Frustrated. I have been on the phone with doctor's offices past two days and have about as little faith in these people as possible. How flippin hard is it to answer a question or accept that I found somebody better? This is turning out to be worse then a divorce.

Externalsmile, is that a good blaze or a bad anger fueled one? (there can be good ones fueled by anger too tho)

 

[Jade-]

Extremely anxious about going to work today. Not sure why though. I will suck it up and go anyway.

 

[unknown]

Today I feel alone in the world. Having believed as time when on and I started to get to know people again things would get easier, but nope. Alone is the best word to sum up how I feel.

 

[externalsmile]

Externalsmile, is that a good blaze or a bad anger fueled one? (there can be good ones fueled by anger too tho)

A good blaze!

 

[goingonhope]

I'm tired; not so much energetic at this point, yet feeling talented and very pleased with my new technology rearrangement, and all my efforts and work/ambition accomplished today.

 

[Iam]

I am feeling optomistic, energetic and hopeful today..YAY! :cool:

 

[intothelight]

Feeling victimized again. So stupid, it is the normal workings of the judicial system, and not personal. Part of my head is rational about it, but my heart hurts. :confused: