What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

[Ayasha]

do wish I knew how to talk to people without making it sound like I'm thinking I'm better than everyone else, because I'm not. I'm just a screwed up female that is lost most of the time this time of year.

I'm sorry you feel this way, I too have been told I think I'm better than everyone else. It's not true for either of us, and someone who says that really just doesn't understand, try explaining it to them? And you're not screwed up, I promise. :hug:

 

[Ayasha]

Be careful Ayasha. Don't let them have a chance to knock you down. Perhaps show your emotions when you are at the park with your nieces and nephews so you can't be squashed?

It's okay. I express being excited and happy around the kids, those really aren't forced when they are around because I'm so happy to see them. I don't let my family tell me to be quiet (if we're too loud the kids and I will just go outside and get louder). I show them how to express anger and frustration too, rather than internalizing it the way I've done most of my life (this is easy to do when we play video games, I pretend to get frustrated then take a deep breath and say I'll try again).

My problem is trying to be myself around the older adults in my family, like my parents. They won't let me be myself, which makes me really angry.

That's my emotion today: angry, coupled with a few underlying levels of happiness after seeing the kids last night. :happy:

 

[timid_flower]

I'm ok today. Excited to see my sister in a few days :)

 

[Cufflinks]

sad because of all the bad memories that I have at this time of year. My abusive mother certainly made her mark.

Ditto. I dread Christmas. My mother was an alcoholic and just about every Christmas was ruined when I was a kid. I've had girlfriends dump me on Christmas Eve and now I have a divorce on my hands.

Joy!

Hugs to you Traumagirl.

 

[Let It Be]

For the last several days, I have been waking up with a sore throat and feeling achy. I have an humidifier going on in my bedroom all night, it's so dry now.

So don't know if it is a combination of going to Walmart too many times, it is getting very close to Christmas and my body is processing those memories of my past Christmases which were very unpleasant. Also, there is the fact that this is the first year, ever, where I have not had any contact with my brother nor sister.

So, maybe, my body is feeling, a new normal, although I'm still alone, I'm trying to get used to it and accept it!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am feeling ok. Husband is still angry. I slept in so I could not go to church today. I am getting ready to go and get frappes. I will do the best I can today.

 

[GreenFrog2]

Feeling helpless and hopeless. Each day is too much for me to cope with, I spend the tiny bits of energy that I have trying to help myself to recover, and it always leaves me exhausted.

My feelings of loneliness are heightened at the moment because it's Christmas and my closet friend is a couple of thousand of miles away! Face book is great, but definitely not the same as being with people.

Had 6 hours of sleep last night, which is pretty good, but does nothing for long term exhaustion.

Terrified that work wont pick up after the holiday - if it doesn't them I will have no job, no income and following from that no where to live. The thought of having to move into share accommodation is terrifying as I am in no condition to have to get used to living with a stranger, and i really would not expect a stranger to put up with me in my current state.

Promise to self: as tomorrow is Christmas day I am going to drive to a state park with a picnic, my ipod and a book. I will find a nice quiet place to relax and when the waves of emotion start to take over I will practice my mindfulness to help me cope.

 

[ms spock]

I express being excited and happy around the kids, those really aren't forced when they are around because I'm so happy to see them. I don't let my family tell me to be quiet (if we're too loud the kids and I will just go outside and get louder). I show them how to express anger and frustration too, rather than internalizing it the way I've done most of my life (this is easy to do when we play video games, I pretend to get frustrated then take a deep breath and say I'll try again).

My problem is trying to be myself around the older adults in my family, like my parents. They won't let me be myself, which makes me really angry.

That's my emotion today: angry, coupled with a few underlying levels of happiness after seeing the kids last night. :happy:

You have really good strategies with the kids Ayasha. They are lucky to have an adult modelling appropriate expression of frustration and anger in front of them. Imagine how much easer your life would have been if that had been modelled for you?

It is a tought one managing your parents. I don't know what to say about that. I never managed with my parents.

I am glad that you have your anger and your happiness. This is good to read.

 

[Pinkcake]

Today I feel really, really sad and lonely. I feel sad that my marriage wasn't the fairy tale, rose colored glasses marriage I wanted it to be. I feel sad that my dad is gone and he's not here to give me advice.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am feeling good. I am lonely because my husband is so closed off. So I have kept my self occupied in other things. Tommorow is christmas eve. I will have to call his doc tommorow and try to get some ideas of how best to cope. I sure hope he will be able to help me. I am optimistic. I sure hope the doctor will call back himself. That would be wonderful.

 

[ms spock]

I was feeling grief and sadness and I cried.

My ex came over today with a couple of drinks from McDonalds. (I sipped a couple of times politely and put it in the fridge when he left - will throw it out later - there is no point to drinking all that sugar).

I broke up with my ex about two years ago now. I was in a relationship with him when I originally joined this forum. I have only seen him a couple of times this year. He was pretty manipulative and unnecessarily mean at the end of last year when I had a car accident. He said he would mind my pets and to take my time getting better and then threw a nasty hissey fit over me not ringing enough - I rang him more than anyone. I had broken up with him a year before this because of his manipulation and rewriting things as they happened to suit his version and history of events. The relationship had its good and it bad parts.

He came to say goodbye as he is moving to Queensland in two days. I have seen him twice this year and not encouraged contact. I, of course, am nice about his daughter as I had a lot to do with her when I was in a relationship with him. But I didn't buy her a birthday present after we broke up - she was over me. She just wanted to have her Dad to herself and it worked out well for her, in that sense.

I am disappointed that he didn't stay until the end of her university degree - it's only another two years - after the terribly disrupted childhood that she had. But that is his choice, I guess.

Anyway so I haven't had much contact with him except a few smses and a seeing him a couple of times. He came to M's funeral, which was a bit annoying but I decided not to get into it. He came and sat next to me and my friend there so I guess he was trying to be nice.

So he is leaving and I got teary. I cried after he left. I felt really sad. I don't know if that is because it is another person leaving my life. Or for the losses I have had or what. Maybe it was just sad that he left and I knew him and it is another person gone. I was crying going "I don't know why I am crying."

 

[GreenFrog2]

(((Ms Spock)))))

I have been doing a lot of the "don't know why I'm crying" crying lately. It's confusing and upsetting, but also a relief. Hope there is some small positive in it for you as well.

Also hope that you have a peaceful Christmas day tomorrow. GF2.