Exhaustion and trepidation
Me too! And more than a bit apprehensive. Also a little proud of myself! (I am even proud that I could say that).
While addressing my trauma I have learnt that the neglect and abuse that I was subjected to as a child is still impacting on my thinking and emotional processing. Following from this I have become aware that I smoke due to fear - anything from minor anxiety to full flown terror! So, to address this I need to develop my ability in two areas:
1/ have my "inner parent" accept that the feelings, joys, dreams and emotions that my "inner child" expresses are acceptable - and then to offer reassurance.
2/ Allow my "inner child" to express the fears (and there are heaps of them) knowing and believing that it is safe to do so. And to also be able to be happy, sad, joyful, playful, hopeful, and excited
Hopefully the discussion between these two will allow me to learn to cope with fear and distress. I will also be doing my usual "adult" self soothing activities, as I think that doing these has allowed my "inner child" to accept that emotional expression can be met with kindness and has given rise to hope that my repressed emotions and fears can now be expressed safely.
Once I have gone through this I might (I will!) be able to process the "fright" from my trauma, and truly begin to heal and recover from it. I say this because from all of the reading that I have done I think that much of PTSD is an injury from fright - the trauma is not a disease or a disorder, but an injury caused by fright.
I have faith that once I have readdressed my childhood traumas I will be able to address my adult Trauma successfully using CBT and perhaps some of the other therapy types from Anthony's list of the treatment types that produce results - I will make a decision about that when I am ready to start on this part of my recovery.
