I'm feeling a lot of things, and I haven't really given myself the chance to address them.
I'm feeling lonely... In that I feel far away from others, as if there's a long tunnel between myself and them with a thick invisible wall in the middle.
I'm feeling terrified. I'm getting more and more ill, my doctors won't listen to me or take me seriously, and my illness seems to be similar to what my mother went through; she had lupus, and I have some sort of undiagnosed auto-immune disease that I think could be lupus, but my doctors always blow me off when I ask about further testing or mention new symptoms.
I'm feeling very sad... My partner's father died at the end of October; I'm their family, and they are mine so the loss has set my off balance. Yet I feel like the sadness resulting from it is locked up in a room I can't open.
I'm angry because my partner has been messing around with his ADHD medication; taking it on and off, not refilling it when he runs out, lowering the dose without a doctor's guidance. He is so volatile and impulsive when he doesn't take them, and that can trigger memories and/or flashbacks from an abusive ex who also had ADHD and would do the same on/off thing (but for different reasons).
I'm also feeling apprehensive... I generally don't like the holidays; I get even more anxious, jumpy, and moody because of my childhood experience during this time of year. And, with the recent death, I think it's going to be hard because my partner's dad loved Thanksgiving and Christmas. On the bright side, My partner is going to be home for thanksgiving, so everyone will be together. That's one thing I look forward to.
I'm losing steam... I'm frustrated because my declining health and poor circumstances have gotten in the way of college. I'm going to have to take poor grades this semester because I lost track of the last day I could drop classes because the funeral was 5 days prior and there were pressing issues that had been a result of the death. And because one of my professors has zero sympathy for what I'm going through.
I'm feeling lonely... In that I feel far away from others, as if there's a long tunnel between myself and them with a thick invisible wall in the middle.
I'm feeling terrified. I'm getting more and more ill, my doctors won't listen to me or take me seriously, and my illness seems to be similar to what my mother went through; she had lupus, and I have some sort of undiagnosed auto-immune disease that I think could be lupus, but my doctors always blow me off when I ask about further testing or mention new symptoms.
I'm feeling very sad... My partner's father died at the end of October; I'm their family, and they are mine so the loss has set my off balance. Yet I feel like the sadness resulting from it is locked up in a room I can't open.
I'm angry because my partner has been messing around with his ADHD medication; taking it on and off, not refilling it when he runs out, lowering the dose without a doctor's guidance. He is so volatile and impulsive when he doesn't take them, and that can trigger memories and/or flashbacks from an abusive ex who also had ADHD and would do the same on/off thing (but for different reasons).
I'm also feeling apprehensive... I generally don't like the holidays; I get even more anxious, jumpy, and moody because of my childhood experience during this time of year. And, with the recent death, I think it's going to be hard because my partner's dad loved Thanksgiving and Christmas. On the bright side, My partner is going to be home for thanksgiving, so everyone will be together. That's one thing I look forward to.
I'm losing steam... I'm frustrated because my declining health and poor circumstances have gotten in the way of college. I'm going to have to take poor grades this semester because I lost track of the last day I could drop classes because the funeral was 5 days prior and there were pressing issues that had been a result of the death. And because one of my professors has zero sympathy for what I'm going through.
