What Are You Thinking?

[BlackbirdSinging]

I'm thinking about something I read on facebook. It said that we have 70,000 thoughts a day. And it said 95% of our thoughts are subconscious and 5% of our thoughts are conscious. And I'm thinking no wonder being mindful is so hard. And no wonder we PTSD sufferers get so overwhelmed impatient and angry so easily sometimes. Being mindful of 70,000 thoughts a day especially subconscious thoughts is HARD.

 

[Britt.f7]

I am thinking that I will never get rid of this depression completely, despite the meds. I can't imagine feeling any different then I do now.

 

[DharmaGirl]

Hugs, Britt. You are powerful, though, and can beat this, but you can also take a break from fighting.

I'm thinking that I'm emotionally numb. I have a therapist appointment and I don't want to go, I don't have anything to say. I'm thinking I look like an ugly old man, so I am wearing makeup and nail polish. I'm thinking I look stupid now.

 

[Britt.f7]

@DharmaGirl I felt like a big slob today, not that I necessarily looked like one, but I felt huge. Then the receptionist told me I looked younger then I was. Our perceptions of ourselves can be so distorted.

Have to find a new therapist. Not looking forward to this.

 

[EverOnly358]

What am I thinking? :cautious:

Life is pretty f-ing unfair. I hate colds. I hate this stupid fight to feel better with the entire deck stacked against me. I am frustrated and annoyed with life. :confused:

I hate that it's so embarrassingly clear that I vacillate from manic to tired to depressed back to manic with no stop in the land of normal. It's annoying. :wacky:

I'm seriously pissed at my husband. :mad: It's like... we come to an agreement on how to change things and do things from this point forward. Things play out once, he follows through on his part of the agreement. It's great. And then, that's it. He's done. The next time it's his turn to follow through on our agreement, it's like he totally forgets what we talked about. Because he did it ONCE, it just gets checked off his stupid mental checklist. But we had an ONGOING agreement. Every time. Not once. Really... if he wanted to change the agreement we had, fine. That's fine. Just talk about it. But don't pretend like doing it once and then forgetting about it counts for anything good! It's a total cop-out and causes a severe lack of trust. It's annoying and frustrating! :meh:

I'm just glad I have somewhere to vent. Until I started typing here, I didn't realize exactly how upset and pissed I am at everything. I'm really upset and frustrated. :unsure: I'm still having trouble actually writing in my personal journal or my trauma diary. I really hope it's okay to write this here. :x3:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am thinking of what a total jerk my daughters ex husband is. He keeps twisting the truth and lying and playing so many twisted head games that causes her to do so much paperwork. Me and my daughter think that he wants to see her homeless. He has been very quiet and when he does this he is up to more head games.

He was the one who filed for the divorce and he has dragged it out over a year trying to break my daughter down and give up. I am so relieved she has a team of excellent lawyers on her side to help her. I worry about her because she is so mentally drained and exhausted.

He has lost everyone of his demands so far. Her next and supposed final court date to finalize the divorce is next month. I understand that it always gets darker before the dawn, but this is crazymaking and insane what he has put her through.

I am also thinking how happy the girls will be when they find out that their singing and dancing to Counting Stars is posted on U Tube and getting views. They were so cute.

 

[Britt.f7]

That I need to get back into therapy. I need to find a new therapist because mine has decided to stay home with her baby. I don't know how I'm going to go about doing this. I hate starting over. However, this med is not going to work on it's own. It will need help. I need the help. I can admit it.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am thinking how blessed I am to live with my family. It is a very happy home with so much good talk and laughter and I am listening to music again.

 

[DharmaGirl]

this

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Are you doing ok? Does your insurance company have any suggestions?

 

[DharmaGirl]

am also thinking how happy the girls will be when they find out that their singing and dancing to Counting Stars is posted on U Tube and getting views.

Can you let us know which video on YouTube so we can see, and like it? I know that is kind of private so no is a perfectly acceptable answer.

 

[DharmaGirl]

Today I'm thinking that I am depressed over the fact I fell again, hurting my hamstring again, but nowhere nearly as bad as the last two times. I'm depressed because of some other reason I forgot now, which is silly. I'm angry at myself because I bought the wrong sized bed at Ikea, returned it, but was in such a rush I bought the wrong bed in the right size. Now I have to return that and get the right bed in the right size.

 

[Britt.f7]

@DharmaGirl I haven't asked my insurance. They are the one's who pointed me to this clinic. I'm hoping that my old therapist will send out a letter with a recommendation on it. I believe that is what my med nurse said. I think I will wait a day or so, and then call the clinic.