What Bad Shit Have You Done - Daily, As it Comes To You, Your Past, Lets Be Honest

[reallydown]

I laughed at/made fun of the other kids who were scared during the shelling etc...

 

[YoungAndAngry]

I used to make fun of the girl that lived across the street from me...
but then again so did everyone (parent's and all other neighbours included).
she used to talk really nasally/snobbyish and prance around the front yard in an ill-fitting bikini,
...LOL, my dad couldn't resist imitating her shrill voice everytime he heard her

 

[anthony]

Hope, absolutely for real. This is not a self esteem booster as veiled outlined already. What it is, is a guilt ridding thread that you can dump all your shit that your not proud off, get it out, off your chest, not be judged, just be honest. Nothing more or less with this thread. We have all done bad things, whether it be attempted suicide, picking on kids at school, drugs, stealing, violence, etc etc... it is a guilt ridding thread.

As a teenager, we had milk boxes, as we were all on acreage, and everyone had a milk box or something that the milkman would put the milk in every couple of days. We knew the day he collected monies, so we used to go away from our local properties, and then rip off all the money from the milk boxes / letter boxes. I did this with mates of mine. For once, I didn't come up with the idea, but I certainly participated and spent my share.

 

[Farmer]

Maybe this is the wrong thread but it reminded me of a quote from a Psc. Doc. (I can't remember his name), it goes"there are no inherantly bad people just people who made bad decisions". Don't be so hard on yourselves the most righteous people who have ever lived have made bad decisions, so just learn from our mistakes and try and look to the future it's the only thing we have control of. I know this PTSD thing tries its best to tell you otherwise but you realy can look to the future if you let yourself.

 

[batgirl]

Hmmm interesting thread. It actually made me feel braver to share, after reading some of the stuff you've all written.

Before age 19 (when the murder/suicide/attempted murder happened), I don't have very good recall. I mean I remember bits and pieces but a lot of it is a blur and feels almost like a different life. I do remember though that I could be very mean to other kids, especially kids who mocked me because I was a army brat. I remember myself and the other military kids ganging up on kids who teased us and beating the crap out of them. I also did a lot of vandalism around age 12-13. The worst I think was pushing over a tombstone in a cemetery and smashing it. I experimented with drugs but never got into anything, and I can't drink alcohol as it gives me hives.

After my trauma, I think the worst thing I've done is push everyone away. I was very cruel about it too and I've probably hurt a lot of people in the process. I've also made tentative friends with people several times and then abruptly broke it off with them, with no explanation. I do it because I'm uncomfortable, but that's no excuse. I've also done a lot of lying about my family and background... very few people know what actually happened or who I actually am.

 

[goingonhope]

I've also made tentative friends with people several times and then abruptly broke it off with them, with no explanation.

Hear you loud and clear batgirl! I made a habit of the above, and for far too long now.

In addition, at about 11, 12 yrs. old, my sister and I sold raffle tickets to a raffle that did not exist. And when the police showed up, we ran and found some railroad tracks to walk home on. I'll tell you, up above us was a helicopter, much of our walk home and scared, I thought for sure it was there to catch and punish us. How silly this was, and wrong the sales. And, what makes the guilt worse, is that at the time, our scheme, the money collected and my salesmanship was something to be excited about and feel proud of. Another of my past, very warped and distorted, false views and developing values in life.

 

[Nam]

1. Stole money from my dad's underwear drawer
2. Hid my brother's toys in the sandbox (buried them)
3. swallowed blood pressure medication (the whole bottle).

 

[JoannaG]

Oh shit sooner or later I will have to post here.
Have been trying hard to think of things but like nam and cookie have mostly tried to stay good except dabbling in drugs younger and first marriage, the binging you all know by now. I will think on it must concentrate on docs appointment list for tomorrow.
lol
Been connecting songs to your personalities and seeing things in town which remind me of you guys batgirl in particular. A rememberance day billboard at my fav gas station for Batgirl, won't tell but I am taking my camera tomorrow and getting a pic you guys will get it when I post it on a general chat thread.

I know getting off topic
Once my nefew and I chalked gang logo's(imaginary) only his friend and the two of us in his gang, and then went roof running over ten city blocks in T.O. on Younge Street.

Ran through entire subway line in T.O. in 24 hours with nefew collecting subway transfers at every station in the city. They were chasing us about half way through. Really fun day actually, only 12, sis was pissed as sunshine boy murder happened two days before and she was home freaking from 5:00am till 1:00am next morning before we got home. Same day panned for bus money home realized is was good money maker and made $120.00 before asking same lady twice who yelled for security. We nefew and I did get away with it.

Can't think anything else right now as always hid as kid, protected as mother and wife. I'm sure I can come up with better.

 

[madjon]

im currently a vaguely respectable member of society,doing fairly well, gotme act together and studying at university to be a proffessional archaeologist.

the past is something that haunts me on cold lonely nights, a phrase stuck in my mind somewhere which saw me through, survive to fight, probably got it from some bs poster.

i became a raving drunk, then a stoned drunk, then a homeless stoned drunk who managed to steal insult lie and cheat my way through money like a hot knife through butter, the greatest regret i have is my old mother dieing while i was like that, to drink i would scour the clubs after they shut for bottles, i would do most things for money or beer, i went into the gutter and further to survive was my thought, survival means doing a lot of unpleasent things, destroyed my self my mind my body my morals, i didnt fear walking down dark alleys. i was the thing people feared, beyond the fringe of the world into a spiralling black abyss, took thought time and contemplation to pull myself out and set myself straight,i did many things which haunt me, many things which were wrong. the thing which i think is most outstanding in my mind, i did not value myself or others, no self respect no control no thought, i can think of only the things i did not do i did not rape or murder, i did not beat people for no reason, i did a lot of other things which haunt me still. seeing the fear in someones eyes, that haunts me. feeling the degrading of myself, they are things that i regret.

now i talk with people and give advice, they ask me how i can give advice, because i have been there .this is a tough thread to post on. sorry if i sound too ? , my past is past, and i dont have that life anymore, it is dead to me now,like a nightmare remembered with a shudder. but haunts me as i know it was me somewhere.

 

[nov_silence]

Things I have done that I am not proud of:

-Stole pack of juciy fruit from drugstore when I was about 7 or 8
-stole money from my sister's piggy bank to buy school lunch when I was in elementary school (was so scared to ask parents for money)
-Would steel gum from kids when I was in elementary school
-Stole money from kids desk while they were at recess
-wanted to kill my mother
-when i was little beat my dog with a stick bc he would get off his leash
-Would hold my hand over my sister's mouth when she was a baby until she fought hard for breath
-used to hit my sister alot when she was little (I was so angry that she got away with shit that I did/couldn't have gotten away with)
-made out with my cousin/adopted brother
-fondled a male cousin when I around 7 or 8 (sexual abuse was still going on)
-came really close to shaking the shit out of a child i was babaysitting (while I was in college) that was wailing for a long long long time
-would pull on the tails of cats bc i wondered if they could feel pain
-crushed up anxiety medication and snorted it and smoked it
-have used pot to not feel pain (20's)
-In high school did sexual stuff with male dog
-thought about having an affair with a student that had graduated years before (he was over 18!)
-have fantasized about other men; esp when things are "not happening" with my husband
-have made out with a good friend (gay) when intoxicated
-have been overtly sexual around male friends in the past
-have rape fantasies
-have hit my dogs when they did something wrong (past)
-have hit my dogs when i felt like hitting something (past)
-used to crave alcohol
- had homicidal thoughts about my husband (three years ago); no plan
-re-enact the sexual abuse (current)
- will celebrate when my father's father dies

UGH!

 

[Marlene]

When I was 17, I was home on leave from the army and got pregnant. I didn't know it until I was back in South Carolina (where I was stationed) and everyone involved was back in California. I heard my father say a number of times while I was growing up that there were only two types of women-wives and whores. When I told him I was pregnant, he called me everything but a whore...but the message was clear. It didn't matter too much since a few days later I was put in the hospital with a raging kidney infection and lost the baby. But since I was already a whore in my father's eyes, I decided to live up to his expectations. Didn't matter who, didn't matter where. The men where married or single...I didn't care. I didn't even enjoy the sex. All I was doing was using these guys and tossing them out like a used tissue. There was one guy who came to me the next morning and was almost in tears telling me that he couldn't believe he had been unfaithful to his wife. I laughed in his face and told him I really didn't care and that was his problem.

After I got stationed in Germany (and the self-destructive behavior continued), I offered myself to a friend who wasn't known for being 'choosy'. He turned me down and told me he loved me too much to destroy our friendship for sex. That helped to bring me to the reality of what I had been doing to myself. This was also the man who introduced me to my husband.

I try not to regret things I've done in my life. I try to learn something from everything I do. But this period in my life comes closest to regret for me. For the damage I did to myself.

This is also the first time I've ever told this part of my life.

 

[anthony]

I offered myself to a friend who wasn't known for being 'choosy'. He turned me down and told me he loved me too much to destroy our friendship for sex. That helped to bring me to the reality of what I had been doing to myself. This was also the man who introduced me to my husband.

Just proves that good things do come from bad situations. Well said Marlene.

I broke into my old primary school when I was in grade 8, and got caught. Two friends, or supposed friends, one came up with the idea, and us two agreed; so all three of us broke in to a classroom, we stole some stationary and crap and left. We didn't trash the place or anything, just nicked some stupid shit and left. Ended up in the cop shop a few days later, gave them back the stuff and got a kick in the arse.