Supporter What do i need to know about ptsd?

[Catlady4]

My boyfriend has PTSD from being abused as a child, and I’m trying to find ways to help him, and also trying to find a way to cope with this myself. I didn’t realize being with someone with PTSD was so painful at times, but I love him too much to let it destroy our relationship....
His family is no help and he still lives with his mom who is one of the abusers so he’s often triggered by her...
I’m working on getting my own place so I can get him out of there eventually.

Also, he hasn’t been to therapy for his PTSD and I don’t think he can afford it...

 

[littleoc]

If you can find ways to find/fund therapy, I would highly recommend that.

Your plan of moving him out of there would help too. There’s no way to heal while in the midst of that mess

Glad you’re here. People with better advice will be here soon, but I didn’t want to leave you hanging here

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome!

There is so much to know! I suggest reading the forum as much as you can.

My number one piece of advice is to understand the difference between supporting and fixing. Please do not try to fix him and avoid becoming codependent at all costs. You can’t fix him, but you can support his efforts to heal. It’s best if he learns how to help himself. He is the only one who can “fix” himself. I was in a codependent relationship with someone who thought it was his job to fix me. Let’s just say I need therapy to get through the damage done by that relationship. For the longest time I didn’t know if I was coming or going, or which way was up!

 

[Catlady4]

If you can find ways to find/fund therapy, I would highly recommend that.

Your plan of moving him ou...

Thank you so much. I figured once he moves here my insurance might cover couples/family counseling, and that might be a good start, but he lives overseas right now. But I would have to translate for him unless I can find a therapist who speaks Japanese in America...

 

[Catlady4]

Welcome!

There is so much to know! I suggest reading the forum as much as you can.

My number...

I definitely don’t want that to happen... how do I know if I’m doing that or not though...

 

[littleoc]

Thank you so much. I figured once he moves here my insurance might cover couples/family counseling, an...

How good is his English?

You would be surprised what skills some therapists have. Those who did undergrad likely had to learn another language, and Japanese is really popular right now (along with Chinese, Korean, and Spanish... there’s probably a statistic somewhere that’s more accurate nationwide than just what my school does, though). And there are a lot of Japanese Americans who might have the credentials to help.

If not, a translator would be helpful too. I don’t know if it would cost more or not, but you could ask around. A lot of hospitals offer translators at no charge, so maybe start with collecting information from there?

When I trained as a nurse (I didn’t finish), they cared a lot about my Spanish. They would have paid more for it, although there were options to work with a sensitive translator. Keep looking! You might stumble across something helpful. Or someone helpful.

 

[EveHarrington]

Have you met him in person?

 

[Catlady4]

How good is his English?

You would be surprised what skills some therapists have. Those who did unde...

That is really helpful information! Thank you! His English isn’t very good right now. We do go to a Japanese church so I could try and ask if they know of anyone too.

Have you met him in person?

Yes

 

[LuckiLee]

I don't want to be Debbie Downer but I would really think about this. You will be taking on a lot of stress yourself. He won't have any support when he moves to be with you?? Medical. Financial. Mental.

Are you prepared to be all of those things to him? I'm sure you want an easy transition but it will be anything but easy.

Keep reading around the forums. Lots of information here. Good luck!

 

[littleoc]

I’m putting up with the same thing from my boyfriend... he has PTSD from child abuse....

I’ve asked this question before and everyone says there’s no hope...

These comments from another post make me think that you should carefully consider what @EveHarrington has said. Love will not be enough to help/heal him... and won’t be enough to protect you. It sounds like you need support too. Maybe a therapist of your own to help you figure this all out.

I’m just a little concerned

 

[EveHarrington]

Have you spent a considerable amount of time in each other’s company? A minimum of months together at a stretch?

 

[ben1982]

My boyfriend has PTSD from being abused as a child, and I’m trying to find ways to help him, and als...

There are many pitfalls that you have to be aware of. First (somebody already told you) you cant fix him. Second, Dont mother him. He's your partner. You are not his mother. Men who have abusive mothers often look for a replacement mother figure. This wouldn't be a healthy romantic relationship if you take that role. It's not healthy for you or him. He has to come to terms with the fact that he didn't have a good mother. You are not her replacement. You're his partner. As his partner you are suppose to support him. Not carry his full weight.