What do you really need from your so/loved ones after an isolation period?

[Serendipity84]

Hey,
So my SO is recently starting to come out of an almost 3 month isolation period which has been really rough leading up to and during this time (severe personal stress and triggers).
The last time was 6/7 weeks and less rough as the circumstances were different ("just" personal stress).
I use the terms lightly in quotes above and really, nothing can describe what it's like to battle and be there for someone battling this B*tch!
My question is simple, really, after a period of isolation, what do you really need/want/wish you could tell your SO? My BF is awesome but it's still so hard for him to open up sometimes, I can preempt and follow my gut a lot with how to react/deal with things but also, I know this impacts everyone's lives differently.
Just interested to see what other people need/want/do.
Thanks so much and keep fighting, you guys all rock! xx

 

[Kintsugi]

I need complete re-acceptance. No "I really missed you" or "Wish you would have talked to me more" or "I could have been there for you." I just want it to be like I never "left."

To clarify, he isolated from you as well as others, right? I usually isolate from everyone (whom I can--still do school/work) except for one person, either an SO or my bestie depending.

 

[Serendipity84]

Is that hard to achieve in practice though? Because with my bf, I find he's suspicious, tests the water and take a long time to feel safe again even though "logic" would say "she's ok, she's not mad" you know?

The first time, was just isolation from me but it was around the time of a "next stage" talk about us; a few months later he was profusely apologetic and like he couldn't believe he had done it.
This time, it was from everyone, as in complete deletion from everywhere to the point where I feared the worst (we live long distance atm) but now it's slowly coming back - he's back on social media, he's unblocking me etc. but it still seems to be the mistrust with me. To be honest, this time, he was meant to show up for something pretty "big" for me that we'd planned but he just bailed - I was shocked but not angry. There's been 3 death triggers and other severe stresses too.

Thanks for your input :)

 

[Kintsugi]

Because with my bf, I find he's suspicious, tests the water and take a long time to feel safe again even though "logic" would say "she's ok, she's not mad" you know?

Yes, I'm still always suspicious. It takes me a couple of weeks or more to get back in the groove with my BFF, even though she has never ever been mad or judged me for my months of being MIA.

That being said, in my limited experience long distance is much harder when it comes to mending fences.

 

[Serendipity84]

That's helpful - thank you :)
Yes, totally much harder. It's temporary at the minute but yes, it is harder to "bounce back"

 

[OneBloodyMoment]

Because with my bf, I find he's suspicious, tests the water and take a long time to feel safe again even though "logic" would say "she's ok, she's not mad" you know?

To be honest, this time, he was meant to show up for something pretty "big" for me that we'd planned but he just bailed - I was shocked but not angry.

It could be that he's angry with himself for bailing on that thing he knew was important for you. He's upset with himself and may fear you harbour a resentment over it, regardless how much you show him you don't.

That's how I am after a period of isolation, especially with an SO. In my head, I'm chastising myself for not being able to get beyond my own need to isolate. I feel really sad; like my heart hurts because I feel badly for her that she has to put up with such a miserable shit of a man. "Logic" actually tells me that she should be mad, you know?

Today's a perfect example - I know my SO is going to be having a tough time of things today. She's strong, and a beautiful optimist. I know she'll get thru today alright but I also know it'd be much easier on her if I could be there. I want to be very badly, but I know that I'm barely holding together with some weak sellotape. If I somehow managed to be there it would be worse in the long run because I'd end up isolating for a longer period (to put myself back together).

My point, and perhaps your bf feels this way too - she's far more understanding of me than I am forgiving of myself.

 

[Deleted member 40995]

Hi :) You already are doing the most important-caring and being understanding :) That is so important. Just making sure the person feels loved and cared about, not overly so, just making sure they know you are happy to have them around :)