What Does This Tell You?

[ironbird]

The girl I was seeing (sufferer) once told me this:

We were talking about dating etc and how many people we've seen in the past. She told me that before me she had seen a lot of guys. She couldn't remember how many but she said it was over 10. She told me that she only slept with one of them and she didn't even like him. She said the only reason she slept with him was to see if she could do that and therefore wouldn't need therapy. Before him, she had only even gone as far as kissing and when the guy would try to escalate things, she'd tell them "no". They would tell her to f*ck off and call her a tease or something. I asked her why she has been out with so many guys in the past and she said she can't see how anyone would be attracted to her and feels she has to give everyone a chance even if she isn't attracted to them. She told me she found them all boring and this dating period would never last longer than a couple of weeks and a handful of catch ups. This has puzzled me how someone can think like this.. For those who don't know, she was sexually abused by her brother for 3 years.

 

[becvan]

Again I will repeat that you need to let her go. She left you and no matter how much you try to find a reason to make her wrong it's not going to change anything. Starting 20 threads with the same thing over and over again is not going to get you the answer your looking for.

bec

 

[amethist]

Hi ironbird.

Maybe it is now time to go back and read all the threads you have started asking the same question. Maybe in different ways, but basically the same.

Read and take notice of what most members have already said and given you advice on.

As you have stated many times since you joined this forum. She broke up with you, she finished your relationship, she has moved on.

I really do no think there is any other way of saying this, and as we try to be as honest as possible, here goes.

Now is the time for you to listen and move on yourself. You are only 22 years old, maybe that is the problem, you are young and think you can fix this girl and the world around her. You can't, no one can change how she feels or how she acts just now, not even you.

She has told you she does not want to know, so do the right thing by her now, and leave her to live her life her way, not yours.

Amethist

 

[Reclusive]

Ironbird - I am saddened to see you still posting about this. It sounds like this relationship has really struck you deeply. I'm afraid, though, that it is in your past and it is time now to look toward your future. If you're finding yourself having unwelcome, intruding, and obsessive thoughts about this relationship that you are unable to control, it may be time for some personal exploration with or without a third party. We truly wish to see you move on into healthier and happier relationships.

 

[ironbird]

I was over this but then a guy who was seeing her messaged me asking for advice.... this stirred everything back up for me! It bothered me because I thought she didn't want to see anyone. Turns out she only saw him as a friend. I messaged her telling him this guy had come to me out of distrust for her and expected me to just tell him everything about her. She sent him a message that told him they will never be more than friends and she isn't looking for anything more than that etc etc, so he has left the scene now but her and I have exchanged a few "how are you doing messages" latley so thats why its on my mind! Since breaking it off with her I have been lonley but have enjoyed the stress free living. I think when she messages me back I'll tell her that is enough contact for the time being and we'll chat again in a few months.

 

[Reclusive]

I think that's a good idea. Even though she's the one with PTSD, this is not a healthy relationship for you.

 

[ironbird]

Yeah well she gave me enough emotional abuse for one lifetime. Constantly telling me she didn't care about me, wouldn't be bothered if I left, she felt nothing for me, flirting with other guys in my presence to get a reaction out of me, lying to me when she would need to avoid me... most marriages wouldn't withstand that... I can't see her changing. After all that, I don't take it personally, if anything she did all of that because she felt the opposite and that scared her so she would try to push me away by doing these things.

 

[ironbird]

Also, I have been really angry at the thought of the injustice that I was dealt by her. I actually cared for her yet all the guys/friends shes known are all still in her phonebook and on her facebook yet I' am ignored and tossed away like trash. I was the only f*cking one who has tried to help her and has even come on this forum to do so. That pisses me off so much to think she'll probably just be used by guys who just want sex and her lack of attachment will cater for them well. The only thing that makes me more angry than someone being dealt injustice is someone dealing it to themselves...

 

[becvan]

You can not help someone who is not willing to help themselves. I really think if you stop focusing on the all the why's and start looking at what you may have learned from this you will go far. All things are for a reason or a season. Look for your reason (as in what you learned from all of this) and move forward so that you will get to a healthy place.

bec

 

[Reclusive]

Well, I think you need to defriend her from your facebook - you're keeping open that door still and for your own health, you need to shut it.

 

[TLight]

Really, I mean I know break-ups are hard for anyone and the experience may take a long time to process and understand, but for crying out loud. I have seen a lot of 'carers' on here processing their break-up, unable to let go, and going on and on about it.
For me, it is really like a slap in the face for those who are really suffering from severe PTSD. For you to splatter your heartache on here again and again feels totally demeaning and disrespectful to me.

I know I'm sounding harsh and I'm real sorry she isn't giving you what you need, but for crying out loud, try having PTSD or getting your arms blown off or something.

Go find a site where dumped lovers can whine, don't do it here.

 

[ironbird]

Get over yourself.