What happens when you mess up and can't fix it?

[bearwood]

My trauma comes out in extreme people pleasing and codependency. My entire self worth is wrapped up in my ability to be "good." Being wrong, doing the wrong thing, hurting someone by accident - those are all things that are highly triggering to me because they feel so unsafe.

So, how do you handle it when you mess up and can't fix it? You've just messed up. How do you recover your sense of self worth?

 

[Joy Palmer]

My trauma comes out in extreme people pleasing and codependency. My entire self worth is wrapped up in my ability to be "good." Being wrong, doing the wrong thing, hurting someone by accident - those are all things that are highly triggering to me because they feel so unsafe.

So, how do you handle it when you mess up and can't fix it? You've just messed up. How do you recover your sense of self worth?

It's understandable that messing up and not being able to fix it can be triggering and challenging for you, especially when your self-worth is tied to being "good." Here are some steps you can take to recover your sense of self-worth:

1. Practice self-compassion: It's crucial to show yourself kindness and understanding when you make a mistake. Remember that everyone makes mistakes, and it doesn't define your worth as a person. Treat yourself with the same compassion you would offer a friend in a similar situation.

2. Challenge negative self-talk: Notice any negative thoughts or beliefs that arise after making a mistake and challenge them. Replace them with more realistic and positive perspectives. For example, instead of thinking, "I'm a failure for messing up," remind yourself, "Making mistakes is a part of being human, and I can learn and grow from this experience."

3. Focus on growth and learning: Shift your mindset from viewing mistakes as failures to opportunities for growth and learning. Reflect on what you can learn from the situation and how you can prevent similar mistakes in the future. This allows you to reframe mistakes as valuable lessons rather than personal shortcomings.

4. Seek support: Reach out to trusted friends or loved ones who can offer a listening ear and support. Sharing your feelings and experiences with someone who cares can help alleviate the burden and bring perspective and encouragement.

5. Set realistic expectations: Recognize that being "good" all the time is an unrealistic expectation. It's important to give yourself permission to be imperfect and accept that making mistakes is a normal part of life. Setting realistic expectations for yourself can help prevent unnecessary pressure and promote self-acceptance.

6. Focus on strengths and positive qualities: Remind yourself of the positive aspects of who you are. Identify and appreciate your strengths, talents, and positive qualities. Acknowledging your strengths can help counteract feelings of inadequacy or worthlessness.

7. Take constructive action: Once you've acknowledged your mistake and learned from it, take constructive action to make amends if possible or prevent similar mistakes in the future. This helps you regain a sense of control and proactive resilience.

Remember that recovering your sense of self-worth is a process, and it may take time. Be patient with yourself, and don't hesitate to seek professional support from a therapist or counselor who specializes in trauma and self-esteem if needed.