What If Helplessness Is Real?

[Eagle3]

That Owl thing is becoming my new desktop....thanks for putting words to what i've been going through alone for years.

 

[sun seeker]

This thread was drawn to my attention again when a new member liked it (thanks @SunflowerHoney!) It was good to reread it and note how much my understanding has progressed in the ten months since I posted it. At the time, the notion of treating depression as a symptom of trauma rather than a separate condition was new to me. Now, I'd almost forgotten that I ever didn't know this, it seems so obvious. I also do seem to have developed some skills to think differently and pull myself out of the dark pit at least somewhat, but what I'll say about that is the thinking skills would have gotten me nowhere on their own. It wasn't until after working through some of the worst of the trauma with a very good therapist that I got to a place where I would be able to use those skills. Lastly, I don't know whether this is necessarily the truth for everyone, but I have come to see my depression as an extension of the freeze response learned very early in life. So yes, it ties in neatly with helplessness, and it's a learned helplessness. Sometimes present circumstances make it real, but working through past trauma really is the answer to gaining the resources to get out of the depression (and other PTSD symptoms). I'm nowhere near cured of any of this, but I can see clearly enough now that to say that this is true.

 

[desiderata310]

I am in the same place @sun seeker
I struggled with suicidal ideation but for the last month and a half that has lifted a bit. It's definitely a symptom of the PTSD. Of course, I won't see that when it comes and smacks me down again necessarily but in some ways it makes it... better? Maybe not ok but a little better.

 

[Mallaky]

“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?”
― Albus Dumbledore

 

[Hatshepsut]

I think life itself is "helpless" and psychiatry/psychology run on the illusion of control. There is no such thing as control...we are all helpless in the face of most of what happens in our lives with the exception of very trivial decisions, which make little difference in the grand scheme of things. Anyone seen the movie Memories of Matsuko? The movie starts out saying something like, " We all dream but only a few people ever realize their dreams". Don't you think everyone out here wants to be happy and pushes hard for what they want in life? But how many actually get want they want in life? I believe control is an illusion and so I just live in the moment of each day and I hope for nothing anymore. If good comes...that's cool. If it doesn't, oh well. It's life....it happens to you. It's not like any of us chose to be born. Chose to have the parents we did. Chose the bad events that happened to us. Who would choose to be unhappy or helpless if they really had a choice?

I'm sick of this society that blames the victims of crimes for not "getting over it" and being "helpless". Of course a victim is helpless in the face of victimization! Of course a person who is tortured is haunted by it for the rest of their lives! Do we really expect that peoples' actions are not supposed to have long term consequences for themselves and others? Do we really expect someone who is treated like dirt and hurt over and over to just keep getting up and saying " well that was fun...I feel so much stronger as a person for getting stabbed again"? really??? Come on, it only makes sense that bad events lead to bad emotional outcomes, and that life events which hurt us, in which we had no control over the situation, lead us to feel utterly helpless. Helplessness seems normal to me since there are no guarantees in life, and only ignorance of that fact would make you feel that you have a sense of control. Hurt creates more hurt. Pain creates more pain. In the same light however, good can create more good in the world. Every action has a consequence. I'm probably going to be torn down for this, but honestly I don't care. No one may agree but it's how I truly feel and what I believe and I'm tired of apologizing for how I feel so there it is.

 

[StephenStevens]

People have become distant. We are no longer able to communicate or simply hang around. Everybody is looking for a personal interest instead of looking for fun, relaxation and socialization. And ye, socialization is one of the most important things that makes us different and which make us tick. Thus, it is logical that we are feeling so depressed about ourselves. We simply do not have basic human needs fulfilled.

 

[stillstanding2]

In the same light however, good can create more good in the world. Every action has a consequence. I'm probably going to be torn down for this, but honestly I don't care. No one may agree but it's how I truly feel and what I believe and I'm tired of apologizing for how I feel so there it is.

Very well said. And I notice that when I'm feeling threatened, sad, or just inert, I can often change that for the better, by even a simple wave and "good morning"
to someone who might need that.

(Admittedly though, it has become harder to do that for people who so often have their ears plugged into some some damned device!)

 

[Laura Carpenter]

Sorry to here that.I will pray everything will get sorted soon.