What is your favoured mode of reacting? fight, flight, freeze or fawn?

[Abstract]

Just wondered what combo others responses were/are, the ones we go to habitually. And I am interested in any information around it. For example why you think it's this way for you, consequences, changes you have made etc....

It doesn't have to fit Pete Walker's stuff directly but here is a link to his Four F's article in case anyone hasn't thought about this stuff before: http://pete-walker.com/fourFs_TraumaTypologyComplexPTSD.htm
If anyone wants to replace the link with the internal one that would be fine. My brain just isn't functioning well enough for me to find it!

Personally I am a natural Freezer who has had elements of Fawn and Flight at times and almost no Fight. Many bad consequences from that. Gradually and successfully learning Fight at my old age. Its relieving and disconcerting and has taken a huuuuuge amount of work and perseverance. It's fascinating for me to see others who react so differently and comforting to see others who are similar.

 

[Snowflake]

I am a fawn/freeze type. I am already dead...mentally, emotionally, psychologically. Anyone can use and abuse me, rape me, or whatever. I have no strength to fight back or even try.

Not sure I answered the question right -

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I fight but its purpose is to defend myself. Its almost a knee jerk reaction that has gotten in my way here on the site too. I cant think and just have this reaction. I hate it and wish i could change it.

Rage is a first reaction a lot of the time. It also coats all other emotions so i cant get to anything but rage/anger when i know other emotions are there.

It seems im in a minority and ive read here that so many freeze or cowards away if theres a fight. Im the one that "out screams" but in my brain its all to defend myself. I dont know why im that way....

 

[sedna]

Just wondered what combo others responses were/are, the ones we go to habitually. And I am interested i...

I think responses change over time, in my case it did.

I was a fawn / freeze type my entire life until a situation put me under extreme stress for several years without any break.
After that I went into fight responses and dont see any hope of that ever changing. It was really just a build up of a lifetime of rage
from passively enduring abuse and a total intolerance for feeling abused by people, but moderating it and behaving appropriately is a
constant challenge for me.

My neighbor being kind of rude in how she told me my plant fell on her balcony isnt abuse, but my physical and emotional response
was ready for a life ot death fight when she did it. Controlling my temper and trying to hide my anger level takes enormous energy, most of the time I can do it though.

I had a beautiful Alsatian Wolf hybrid dog at one time. He was the smartest and most fun dog I've ever had, he was very loving with his family but was totally dangerous. I spent a fortune training him and he eventually had to be put down, because of his size there was no question he'd kill whatever got ahold of off leash.

I think of him when I lose my temper, his eyes and the way his body changed just before he decided lunge at someone is exactly how I feel inside, and like me he wasnt coming from an evil or complicated place. He was just reacting to his instinct for survival, its simple and natural, there's no malice in it.

 

[sedna]

I am a fawn/freeze type. I am already dead...mentally, emotionally, psychologically. Anyone can use a...

Snowflake, I know those feelings well. I think they always evolve into something a little different eventually, or in my case a lot different. Hope its okay to give you a hug...:hug:

 

[Changing4Best]

I'm the type in the past that has been co-dependent, but in recent years I have not been as bad. I do, do a lot of listening, and a lot less asking for the things I need, though I have gotten better at this in my later years, like maybe the last few years of my life. (I am in my mid 60s now).

I had a good marriage for the most part (he has died now, since 2005) but I was reluctant to ask him for much of anything. I once asked him to play board games with me (this is the old fashioned version of online games, actually played on a physical board with little physical men and the rules were written on the inside cover of the box). Anyway, he refused and so I never asked him again. I suffered through 23 years of his being addicted to watching TV, even though I hate TV because of all the violence on it and I never watch it. I don't even own one now. Anyway, I once asked him to take me somewhere and we got in an accident on the way there, so I never asked him ever to take me anywhere ever again! (Except maybe to the grocery store, but that was understood). I don't ever even recall him taking me to the Dr.s and we hardly ever went to Dr.s until after he had a massive stroke. I would take the bus or when I got my licence, I drove myself to the Dr.s.

Later on, I got attached to 3 druggie or alcoholic types in rapid succession. 4, in fact. The last one died of a drug induced overdose. I almost forgot about him! My husband was a recovered alcohalic, and my father was an alcoholic, he was the angry one that demanded all kinds of things of me as a child. However, it was his father that molested me and abused me physically. My father was just emotionally abusive, but then that is bad too, just not AS BAD.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

moderating it and behaving appropriately is a
constant challenge for me.

Me too! God, I dont feel so alone in that now!

I think of him when I lose my temper, his eyes and the way his body changed just before he decided lunge at someone is exactly how I feel inside, and like me he wasnt coming from an evil or complicated place. He was just reacting to his instinct for survival, its simple and nautural, there's no malice in it.

Great way to put that! Oh and I volunteered at a wolf and wolf dog hybrid rescue center. Great animals and SUPER smart but they are still half wild animal and most dont get they wont be this normal dog.

I came to adore wolves as one of my good friends in high school owned an orphaned Timber Wolf. His name was, obviously, Timber. Her dad was very responsable and didnt allow anyone to come inside the 18ft high fense but man was that animal gorgous!

It was really just a build up of a lifetime of rage
from passively enduring abuse and a total intolerance for feeling abused by people

That sounds about right.

It seemed, to me, to be the minority on the site and I felt rather alone with it. Not that im glad you struggle with it too, just glad im not alone with it as i couldnt really discribe why i had this response, only that i did.

 

[Ronin]

Fight.

But favorite, it isn't.

Favorite is Freedom & f*cking Evade First & Forever.

Also f*ck :D Some times makes evading and freedom possible sooner. Not applicable past a year and something and it's become irritating.

 

[Ronin]

Btw nothing personal but treating these reactions as something biologically given -and- set in stone pisses me off as it's part of the problem.

Biological, they are.
Set in stone, they aren't.

All of them can be trained, untrained, and modified. That it's not an instant or even months of work to change, does not mean impossibility.

 

[Friday]

Fight.

Probably because it was trained in.

Possibly just natural stubbornness. I've always tended to run toward trouble, rather than away. It's possible training & usage just put a polish on the natural order of things.

I'm a total sweetheart otherwise ;) My bite is a lot worse than my bark. I don't really believe in wasting time talking about shit that's inevitable. Nor painting myself as a target by being all intimidating. I'm just a doll until it's time to knock someone flat. There's not a helluva lot that reaches that level. Pisses me off no end when I'm radiating enough edge for other people to pick up on it. Gah. Or worse, mixing up my responses. Just time to hide under a rock until I've got that shit locked down, again.

LMFAO. Evade & f*ck would also highly qualify. Per @Cashew. On the money there. f*ck it, fight it, finesse, & faster are my personal 4Fs.

 

[Enaila]

I use flight when at all possible. If I can't physically avoid the perceived threat, I change the topic or find a way to distract from the threat until I can escape physically. My T and support friends are onto this so not as effective with them, so actually have to face the threat (be it sharing or feeling emotions). When this happens I sometimes switch into fight.

 

[Fadeaway]

Freeze