Finding out this morning that the priest I've known for a very long time & used to see nearly daily 20 years ago died. Had been very ill but I had no one to ask how he was doing. I tried to say a prayer for him every day. He was intimately aware of ptsd & post-deployment issues, he had been a military chaplain & I think told me he had served in every major war zone that was relative to his lifetime.
I remember dates usually, and I thought in the 3 year period of 1993-96, I moved out of province 4 times, I had 2 sisters & my mom all diagnosed with terminal cancer, my mom (my heart) died after a sister & I provided 24 hour care (& she had all but 2 sh*tty quack/ unethical Dr's (one who outright lied, would have caused immediate death, confirmed by another Dr-"paying off a pool" he said as explanation) Dr's who gave her nothing, Tylenol & finally a couple of blood transfusions & one antibiotic she responded to after our demands, they treated her like a guinea pig with 43 scans-all negative, but there was no treatment for them if they had been positive- in the coldest winter on record until we stopped it); we were uninsurably-overland flooded & lost furnace/ water tank/ washer & dryer/ structural & landscape damage twice, we had to fight Emergency Measures for 3 years (won, but it's not much more than the basics). In that time ended a 9 year abusive relationship (thought he was my soul mate), dropped out of University with 1 i/2 elective courses only to finish (my identity), worked on the structural repairs & dug out the foundation with my sister morning-night, mostly cold & wet, got sexually assaulted (violent) (he ended up jailed), got stalked twice (by him & a man with unmanaged schizophrenia, both threatened death, the first directly the 2nd indirectly), & was totally financially screwed. I never told him any of that, or anyone else except for those with a need to know or who knew already. He himself had to battle cancer back then, shortly after I think. He used to say at morning mass, "let's check our worries at the door for one hour". I sure needed that. He used to say a Hail Mary too (Roman Catholic). He was always very balanced, non-judgemental/ matter of fact. When he made it thru the cancer (then) he said to me "I guess I did because you prayed for me!" Which was sweet because I never said I did, I don't think.
About 15 years later he forgot who I was, lol. However, he still offered to come through when the chips were down to help my aunt in a crisis, even gave me his home phone number to call. I'm glad I got a chance to give him a hug when I last saw him after Easter. I could have talked to him about ptsd or abuse. I didn't, but he would have 'got it'.
I'm sorry for the long post. It made me cry. :( It feels (physically) like a knife in my chest. I feel sick.
I remember dates usually, and I thought in the 3 year period of 1993-96, I moved out of province 4 times, I had 2 sisters & my mom all diagnosed with terminal cancer, my mom (my heart) died after a sister & I provided 24 hour care (& she had all but 2 sh*tty quack/ unethical Dr's (one who outright lied, would have caused immediate death, confirmed by another Dr-"paying off a pool" he said as explanation) Dr's who gave her nothing, Tylenol & finally a couple of blood transfusions & one antibiotic she responded to after our demands, they treated her like a guinea pig with 43 scans-all negative, but there was no treatment for them if they had been positive- in the coldest winter on record until we stopped it); we were uninsurably-overland flooded & lost furnace/ water tank/ washer & dryer/ structural & landscape damage twice, we had to fight Emergency Measures for 3 years (won, but it's not much more than the basics). In that time ended a 9 year abusive relationship (thought he was my soul mate), dropped out of University with 1 i/2 elective courses only to finish (my identity), worked on the structural repairs & dug out the foundation with my sister morning-night, mostly cold & wet, got sexually assaulted (violent) (he ended up jailed), got stalked twice (by him & a man with unmanaged schizophrenia, both threatened death, the first directly the 2nd indirectly), & was totally financially screwed. I never told him any of that, or anyone else except for those with a need to know or who knew already. He himself had to battle cancer back then, shortly after I think. He used to say at morning mass, "let's check our worries at the door for one hour". I sure needed that. He used to say a Hail Mary too (Roman Catholic). He was always very balanced, non-judgemental/ matter of fact. When he made it thru the cancer (then) he said to me "I guess I did because you prayed for me!" Which was sweet because I never said I did, I don't think.
About 15 years later he forgot who I was, lol. However, he still offered to come through when the chips were down to help my aunt in a crisis, even gave me his home phone number to call. I'm glad I got a chance to give him a hug when I last saw him after Easter. I could have talked to him about ptsd or abuse. I didn't, but he would have 'got it'.
I'm sorry for the long post. It made me cry. :( It feels (physically) like a knife in my chest. I feel sick.
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