Hey I really feel for you but I'll be straight up. You have had 3 months together, ups and down's he has dragged you into his turmoil then backed out,which has left you questioning yourself, him and your relationship. You have sought out to educate yourself and get professional help, thats great. However amongst all this confusion he is dangling you like a puppet on a string.
You are wondering if you are together or not, do you have a relationship or not, are you a couple or are you a single woman? How should I move forward with my life in the immediate future, will he be there or not? And now you are prepared to wait and wait another few months for him to sort himself out so you have some clarity. Why are torturing yourself? you deserve someone who is happy to be in a consistent relationship with you and cares enough to communicate with you and show some respect to you and your feelings and the impact his issues are having on you and the dynamics of the relationship. You deserve to know where you stand! regardless of his issues. If he won't/can't make the call then you need to, as he is not willing to make any effort to put things right. He is getting on with his life and telling you about his visiting people, caring for his pets etc. Where do you fit into this?
Being in a relationship with a person with PTSD is one of the hardest things, you have to be very strong and have the patience of a saint, you have to make allowances for their off-days and times, but you should not ever accept verbal or physical abuse from him, or make excuses of justify his actions because he has PTSD. Some PTSD people can be very controlling, they 'need' to have this feeling of power, due to their PTSD. This man is controlling you, from a distance. You may get to a point as I did that you feel like a little puppy dog waiting and craving for a pat on the head, not healthy. He is dangling you a carrot, just enough to keep you there, again controlling.
"to clear the air" to me means he wants to talk about/sort out what has already happened, if he said he wanted to clear the air and lets get things back on track again you would know where you stand, otherwise you are still left wondering if you clear the air, what are his future intentions RE your relationship. Don't be afraid to ask, don't be afraid to put yourself and your needs and expectations from the relationship on the line to him, He may not be able to cope with your needs and may make it all about him and blame you for things that have gone wrong. Don't ever compromise yourself. Hold your own power, you are giving it away by being so loving and patient, he is using it to his advantage.
I started off much the same as you, we had a very strong connection, I loved him more than anything else in my life, he meant the world to me. I endured 7 years of up's and down's, on again off again, run away come back, round and round in circles, mind games, being used,manipulated etc. In the end it was a daily hell, he bought me to my knees, my nerves were shattered, I could barely cope, I was totally drained, the stress was unbearable. When he started threatening me and got physical with me I looked back on all the warning signs I had noted from the past and didn't take seriously enough. I wised up quick and got out, it left its mark on me but I got my strength back, healed and have never looked back. It was a interesting journey and I learnt a lot of lessons, for better or worse.
Please have a really serious think about what you are getting into, i don't want to tar all PTSD people with the same brush but please take something from my words, trust me I know. And if you have read all of this thanks for your patience lol
