What Switches That Cut-Off Feeling Back to Wanting Support?

[Deleted member 93]

Is it possible he genuinely does not want me to do things for him so he doesn't have to feel like he "owes" me anything?

Simply by going off what you have written, yes. I would still do the pack and just drop off on the porch right now. Leave a note saying "just in case" and leave it at that. I would really not worry about an ulcer right now, though it is possible it will likely be at the bottom of his list of concerns. Trust me you both have bigger fish to fry. Look for things beyond probiotics, look for the "old people" and malnourished kid's drinks. Being malnourished will not help his symptoms and attitude.

A GP will honestly have no clue how to handle PTSD. Once mine figured out this may be the issue he had me on 10 mg xanax a day and was a year later. Hubby says 12 mgs but I do not recall it and if I was on that much it is a no brainer why I do not! A GP is not trained for this at all no matter how intrigued they are. Real training comes from living it. I am willing to bet Kathy has learned more than she knew was possible on it and she has mental health background.

Ummm being alone, I think from how you describe he would be... Too much working and puking for the other nonsense.

Just do not "swallow" what he says though. You internalize things and can make yourself ill. There is a huge difference of being capable of letting things slide off to swallowing them. Remember you are not a door mat. That will help you later and now plus him. Just because one is not a door mat does not mean they cannot be supportive and patient. If my hubby does not come here to clarify maybe Kathy can help you with that aspect. Guess that part is best suited for the carers. As I have stated before it takes a very special person to deal with this. I have no choice... Not sure why the hell my hubs puts up with it!

 

[Bella78]

Seems to me your hubby puts up with it because he recognises an intelligent and truly caring person who is worth it!

I will do the care pack thing, but maybe in the morning as it is raining now andif I have to leave it outside (no porch) it will all be ruined.

And I am not worried about an ulcer at all. I would be happy to hear that's what it is to be honest. Easily treated. But I did call the Dr's and our GP wasn't there but I spoke to the Sr there who knows us well. She said my hubby was in today and she took a blood test for him. Seems they are checking for an ulcer. I just wonder whether hubby went of his own accord (great if he did) or if the Dr called him 2 days ago after I spoke to him and told him to come in.

He was on 15mg of Xanax a day for about 6 weeks at first. He really doesn't need them anymore (so he says). He began to hate them as he said they made him feel "dumb" when he called people by the wrong name and stuff like that. Eventually he was only having one (5mg) or a half when he needed them and when he was dpoing that they would makew him VERY drowsy, to the point he would start to pass out and jolt out of it as he did. No problems at all going off them.

I will try to let things slide off me rather than swallowing them. I think I kind of already do. I just tell myself, for example when I ready today him telling me that I "make his life hell" that he does not mean it and he can't help it. It hekps, but still hurts. My colleagues at work know not to say anyhting anymore when they hear me sniffling and reaching for the tissues. It just makes it worse.

 

[Bella78]

What about adding some feeling?

So I think I am pretty clear on the whole gently feeling my way with conact with him. Completely leaving him alone if he has had a blast at me, for a bit, or gently continuing to show my love and support as long as he is responding, but what about a bit of feeling?

I mean, it all seems so strictly business and there is no personality to it. Is it a nice idea or a bad one to drop in a real little bit of chit chat if he seems receptive. For example, "hey, got another payrise" or " you'll never believe that the dead ond tomato bush in the vegetable garden has not even got any leaves but has 4 tomotoes on it!" ? (- it really does!!):rofl:

Comments like these thrown in every now and then might help him remember he enjoys my company again. Or will they just seem annoying to him?

 

[Bella78]

Is he in treatment and what sort?

I can now confirm he is receiveing Hypnosis and Neurofeedback in cominbination.

But like I said, he has only had one session and that was weeks ago. He said he plans to return to it in the New Year, so fingers crossed.