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My name is Heather and I am new to this forum. My husband has severe complex PTSD.
His therapist say's it's the worse case she has ever seen and its rooted in severe severe child abuse, but also many other events such as a friend run into a room with him in it and committing suicide by gun in front of him. His brother was paralyzed from neck on down last November in a drunk driving accident with his nephew driving after leaving his mother house partying who is also in the end stages of alcoholism. He had 14 surgeries and had last rites read twice after a doctor left a metal clamp in his bile duct. He was molested by his cousin and a neighbour. His dad severely abused him physically, mentally, spiritually, and his mom did nothing due to narcissism alcohol and drugs and a crack addiction, and to make it worse he called his father on his death bed and asked him to come see him in the hospital and his dad said f**k off, never spoke to him again then died four years later.
He should have been a professional athlete. He was a person that excelled in every single sport he ever did based on having to keep himself in shape to deal with dad. His dad was even afraid of him when he was about 14 because he was so built from abuse. In the past 9 months alone, he had his brother's and nephew's car accident, his aunt was murdered, his granma died, his uncle died of cancer, his mothers dying, his best friend is dying from severe alcoholism and a heart transplant, his son is addicted to roxies and has been homeless off and on and criminal at times, I mean he has I think at the last count, 13 major tragedies in the past 9 months alone.
In regards to our relationship, he is a nightmare to deal with and yet I love him deeply with all my heart and I have empathy because I recognize for him to act out like he does it must correlate to the severity of child abuse he endured, let alone everything else over his lifetime.
He is in therapy and EMDR which is really working very well. but when he snaps its HORRIBLE! I have been beat up, spit on and pushed. food smeared all over my face and hair, like oatmeal and scrambled eggs. I have many many items such as computers, stereos, etc destroyed and thrown. the house gets destroyed, my belongings get thrown all over, I get bank cards taken from me, I've had severe bruises and bumps on my body, my thumb has been broken, blood vessels popped, my shoulder dislocated, etc. Constant terrible vulgar insults regarding me in all ways of my person, walked home in the middle of the night and slept outside on my patio and in my car and this list goes on.
It may sound like it but I am NOT A COMPLIANT VICTIM. I have faith and empathy for the human spirit and believe all can be overcome if a human truly wants to but it will require a severe overhaul mentally physically spiritually or body mind and soul. He knows this and is working truly very hard and his therapist says he is the best patient she has due to his fervent desire to heal and to not allow it to rule, or the ghost of the past to rule his life any more.
So, my question to all of you or any of you, how do I not take it personally, I keep my mouth shut and try to let it run its course but often its really hard because no human should have to take this. Once he is locked in I cant do anything until it runs its course. He cant be persuaded to think logically. I need help. I am not scared of him.. I can protect myself when needed and have friends in place to call upon. but how do I learn to not walk on eggshells, lashing out when I cant take anymore, fighting back. anybody have anything to tell me to help myself, help him, any coping mechanisms for me?
I dont want to hear leave the relationship here at this forum. He has been abandoned all his life and I don't shoot my wounded
Thank you
My name is Heather and I am new to this forum. My husband has severe complex PTSD.
His therapist say's it's the worse case she has ever seen and its rooted in severe severe child abuse, but also many other events such as a friend run into a room with him in it and committing suicide by gun in front of him. His brother was paralyzed from neck on down last November in a drunk driving accident with his nephew driving after leaving his mother house partying who is also in the end stages of alcoholism. He had 14 surgeries and had last rites read twice after a doctor left a metal clamp in his bile duct. He was molested by his cousin and a neighbour. His dad severely abused him physically, mentally, spiritually, and his mom did nothing due to narcissism alcohol and drugs and a crack addiction, and to make it worse he called his father on his death bed and asked him to come see him in the hospital and his dad said f**k off, never spoke to him again then died four years later.
He should have been a professional athlete. He was a person that excelled in every single sport he ever did based on having to keep himself in shape to deal with dad. His dad was even afraid of him when he was about 14 because he was so built from abuse. In the past 9 months alone, he had his brother's and nephew's car accident, his aunt was murdered, his granma died, his uncle died of cancer, his mothers dying, his best friend is dying from severe alcoholism and a heart transplant, his son is addicted to roxies and has been homeless off and on and criminal at times, I mean he has I think at the last count, 13 major tragedies in the past 9 months alone.
In regards to our relationship, he is a nightmare to deal with and yet I love him deeply with all my heart and I have empathy because I recognize for him to act out like he does it must correlate to the severity of child abuse he endured, let alone everything else over his lifetime.
He is in therapy and EMDR which is really working very well. but when he snaps its HORRIBLE! I have been beat up, spit on and pushed. food smeared all over my face and hair, like oatmeal and scrambled eggs. I have many many items such as computers, stereos, etc destroyed and thrown. the house gets destroyed, my belongings get thrown all over, I get bank cards taken from me, I've had severe bruises and bumps on my body, my thumb has been broken, blood vessels popped, my shoulder dislocated, etc. Constant terrible vulgar insults regarding me in all ways of my person, walked home in the middle of the night and slept outside on my patio and in my car and this list goes on.
It may sound like it but I am NOT A COMPLIANT VICTIM. I have faith and empathy for the human spirit and believe all can be overcome if a human truly wants to but it will require a severe overhaul mentally physically spiritually or body mind and soul. He knows this and is working truly very hard and his therapist says he is the best patient she has due to his fervent desire to heal and to not allow it to rule, or the ghost of the past to rule his life any more.
So, my question to all of you or any of you, how do I not take it personally, I keep my mouth shut and try to let it run its course but often its really hard because no human should have to take this. Once he is locked in I cant do anything until it runs its course. He cant be persuaded to think logically. I need help. I am not scared of him.. I can protect myself when needed and have friends in place to call upon. but how do I learn to not walk on eggshells, lashing out when I cant take anymore, fighting back. anybody have anything to tell me to help myself, help him, any coping mechanisms for me?
I dont want to hear leave the relationship here at this forum. He has been abandoned all his life and I don't shoot my wounded
Thank you
