What To Do

[mightyinkkedone]

I love my wife and she know I have ptsd
We had our ups and downs
What husband and wife have not dealing
With mental illness
So she want to split because we had grown apart that hurt me so much
When she was talking to an ex bf
They both told me that they would not hock up and they did 4 times and we got back together and I feel like shit and get tread like shit
I love her and I want to see it get better
But because of this my mental health has taken the back seat to her because it's about her now and her day never about how I feel what I think I don't know what to do or say just tired of being her punching bag to dump on and talk shit to me

 

[jademegan]

Relationships are always hard with mental illness, try to focus on yourself for a little while, sometimes a break is the best thing!

 

[mightyinkkedone]

We got back together and I don't want to be alone

 

[jademegan]

We got back together and I don't want to be alone

...Not wanting to be alone is no reason to be in a shitty relationship. We may not be the easiest people to be in a relationship with but we deserve love just like anyone else.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

I am SO SORRY that you are having to deal with this! Being betrayed is the hardest thing to get past, in my opinion. It's hard to click "Like" when I SO DISLIKE to hear that this is happening to you!

You DO deserve BETTER!!! You DON'T deserve to be a "punching bag", physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. This affects the CORE of your being. If she doesn't want to stay, and try to work it out, then maybe you should take a stand? How could you ever trust her again, especially if she is not sorry!

Did you have PTSD when you got married? If so, she has no right to use it against you now. There's nothing worse than being in a miserable marriage. If she already went against her word, she should be ready for you to not trust her for a LONG time! It only takes a few minutes to destroy trust, and a VERY long time to EARN trust back!!!

Welcome to the Forum. I hope you will find support here. There is compassion, empathy and complete safety here. We all know painful PTSD is and how it changes who we are, and who we "might have been" without it.

It will be very hard on the children if you have any...but growing up in a troubled marriage, teaches them that it's "normal" to be miserable.

Blessings to you,
AKJ

P.S. I just read above that you have gotten back together with her. It's true that not wanting to be alone is NOT a good reason to stay together. If she feels trapped, and gets upset when you question where or what she is doing. (I think you have a right to do that)

I was married 4 times, when I realized that I ALWAYS chose wrong, and being married made me feel trapped. That feeling COMPLETELY killed my feelings in my marriages.

If you don't already have kids, PLEASE don't have any!!! I don't know if it is proper for me to say that, but children add a TON of stress to the BEST of marriages! They NEVER FIX A BAD MARRIAGE!

If she is willing to go to couples therapy...there might be a chance....

 

[Ka-9]

I'm not sure if having your confidence or self esteem diminished is going to in any way help your condition, it definitely wouldn't help mine.

If you're a loyal type, then you better find the same type of person......and make no mistake.. they are rare. Life's short, makes little sense at the best of times, and I just figure why on earth waste a second on shitty people when you have carte blanche to be with one of the other potential few billion.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I am so sorry you're dealing with this, @mightyinkkedone . I do not have the same problems with my husband, but I (the sufferer) always feel like a burden. So I had a breakdown of sorts in front of him tonight and I asked him to tell me the good things that keep him with me. I said anything from any time of our time together. And he could. We had a conversation about if he would stay with me (though he's never given an indication of leaving, I needed us to be honest). So I asked him straight out. I asked "If this is what it's going to be like for me- cycles of good and bad and a whole lot of bad, will you be willing to stay with me even if it lasts forever?" He said as long as we can keep pulling around for the good, then yes, he is and that he doesn't doubt we'll keep finding the good.

Your situation is very different. Your health is very important. Staying with someone in hopes of things getting better and instead feeling worse inside is not helpful. Perhaps it would work to have a real honest conversation together. You may not get the answers you want. But you are worth fighting for just as much as you have been trying to fight for her to show you love like you've been trying to show her. If you can though, try to tell her how you feel and what effects the current flow of the relationship are having, and ask her feelings and opinions, too. Sometimes risks are hard and sometimes we don't get what we hope for, but either way it might just lead us down a path towards better even if we can't see if from where we are now.

 

[Mytime]

Sorry for all the pain your feeling. It's very hard when trust has been broken. But it can be mended with hard work by both. But to do that, there needs to be respect, forgiveness, understanding. If you want a healthy relationship, you need to be healthy yourself. Working on you, can help work on your marriage.
Their are two people in a marriage, two people with needs. Finding a balance of working on yourself and your marriage a Counselor with PTSD experience can help.
You said your wife is treating you badly.
Has she always treated you this way?
Were you separated, when she started talking to her ex?
Does she want the marriage to work also?
I think at the end of the day, you need to work on you.
If you stay together or part ways, taking care of you is what's important. Are you in therapy?
Here to support you :)

 

[Suzetig]

@mightyinkkedone ive moved your thread to the relationships part of the forum. You'll find folk here will all kinds of experience in negotiating relationships where PTSD is a factor - there's fantastic support around here.

 

[mightyinkkedone]

I've tried to talk talk to her but it's if I'm bothering her
I could tell her I love her and I get complete silence from her I don't know what to do I love her I want to be with her and I want her to be with me as a person
I don't know how much more I can take after his big beings someone emotional punching bag

 

[Gs172003]

I've tried to talk talk to her but it's if I'm bothering her
I could tell her I love her and I...

Honey if she isn't reciprocating move on. It's just going to hurt you worse

 

[Fadeaway]

I know it is easy for us to say move on as we aren't the ones who love her. The truth is that she is emotionally abusing you. Are you in private counseling? Marriage counseling? I would say you need both for this to have any chance of working out.

I am the sufferer in my relationship and I can honestly say my marriage went to shit there for a while. He left for a little while, came back because being apart was too expensive. Struggled through a lot of things, but honestly, he is trying. Both people have to be trying once things go bad.

The thing is, you have to become ok with being alone. When you are ok with being alone, the other person can't go out and hurt you if they want to keep you. That doesn't mean you stop loving her, it just means you are working on becoming more comfortable with yourself. Yes you guys are technically together, but reality is you ARE alone inside of the appearance of a relationship. OUCH!