What To Look For In A Therapist?

[anemone]

Hi guys.

Well, I want to find a therapist. I have(had?) medi-cal, so a month ago I had some free consultations with some therapists. I ended up not taking any of them because I'm having insurance issues and might be switching to an HMO.

I think it might be a tiny blessing in disguise. Because well, I've never really had any good experiences with therapists, plus I really really don't know what I should be looking for.

I need a good therapist...but I don't know what to be looking for. I know there's different methods for treating PTSD, but I'm not really sure the pros or con's of them. I've heard things about EMDR, but it sounded strange. I definitely have very intrusive dissociation, and I want that to be ironed out first before anything else.

Id love other peoples opinions and experiences about these. I know I must sound silly asking a question like this...I just really don't know much about PTSD therapists, and I figured this would be the best place to get some input. :shy:

 

[Deleted member 28942]

• non-judgemental - someone who will not see you as disordered but as a human being who has suffered a lot.
• compassionated - someone who sees you where you are coming from and has compassion to treat you as a human being.
• open - open to trying different approaches and seeing what works for you. The ones that insist on one approach and believe that their approach is the best are not good.
• tolerates difficult emotions and memory - someone who can tolerate your difficult emotions and memories without trying to make it better.

More info:
50 Signs of Good Therapy

Also bad therapy:
http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/warning-signs-of-bad-therapy/

and this forum is a great place to ask for advice and learn about other people's experiences in therapy.

 

[Virtues]

One thing that is a must for me is the therapist must be young. Old school therapists were not trained in the "recovery model" it's a relatively new concept, but if my therapist doesn't believe that I can get better than I am just wasting my time with them. Again this is just me, but I want someone who believes and was schooled in the recovery model concept.

 

[Justmehere]

I'd suggest talking on the phone with 3-5 of them who are trained in at least 2 techniques applicable to trauma and see who fits the best for what you need. Most in my area will give at least a free 15 minute consult for this purpose.

 

[Hope69]

Someone with lots of experience with trauma and who has seen their clients become whole and well
Someone (for me) who's methods are somatic based and not focused on talk therapy which does diddly squat for me
Someone who is attuned, that is listens when I say this is working, this is not
Someone who I sense actually wants to work with me, is open, patient, and kind
Someone intuitive
Someone who believes I can heal

 

[sun seeker]

For me, two essential qualities are patience and humility. I'm not an easy client. Someone who thinks they have a recipe that will cure me in ten easy steps is going to have another think coming!

 

[Naoru]

After the obvious qualifications & treatment options check and personal preferences in gender & age, I think these are the important qualities I've looked for:

• experience & up-to-date knowledge
• someone who isn't quick to label or diagnose
  
• a good sense of humor and the ability to call me out on any b.s.
  
• a sense of trust and non-judgement
  
• provides genuine, honest feedback and guidance (and is open to feedback in return)
  
• intuitive
  
• relatable and reliable
  
• ability to know when to apply pressure and when to back off
• supports my sense of ability and control
• treats me as a unique individual with respect for my thoughts and opinions
  
• keeps clear boundaries and goals
• clear communication and language

I'm sure there are others, but that's all I could think of right now. Many of the qualities I've listed are what helps me connect and gain a sense of safety. Granted, some of these things you're not able to establish during the first meeting or over the phone, but trust your own intuition as well. Ask questions.

Good luck on your search. :)

 

[Suzetig]

All of the above, id also want someone who has engaged in their own, extensive, therapy and who gues back to therapy when they need to. As well as having rely worked on their own issues, it means they get what it is to be a client with all the insecurities and fears that can being, they know what it is to deeply look at themselves and the importance of the relationship in therapy.

I'd also want someone who accesses regular supervision or consultation regardless of how long they've been in practice.

 

[joeylittle]

Because well, I've never really had any good experiences with therapists, plus I really really don't know what I should be looking for.

You might find it useful to do some brainstorming with yourself about why you didn't connect with any pervious therapists you have seen. For instance, if you found someone too cold, then you know you want someone warm - it all sounds simple, but it can start to make a set of personal criteria for yourself, and what you are looking for.

Other things that can be useful:

• woman or man?
• younger than you, same age, or older?
• spiritual or no?

I'd also suggest thinking about what you are afraid of, when it comes to working with a therapist. When you know that, it will turn into some questions you might ask them, or it will just inform you when you see them. For instance, it was very important to me to have a therapist that was comfortable with discussing suicidal ideation openly, someone that wasn't going to panic and call the police. I have chronic suicidality, and need to be able to work through it, not be hiding it because I'm worried my therapist can't handle it. And in turn, they need real crisis management skills, not just the basics that they got from one semester working the hotlines.

Just knowing that allowed me to focus on therapists who had clinical training as part of their licensure, and I could focus on the ones that had done the bulk of their clinical rotations as crisis workers.

 

[anemone]

and this forum is a great place to ask for advice and learn about other people's experiences in therapy.

Thank you so much for the links ! They're very helpful! :)

One thing that is a must for me is the therapist must be young. Old school therapists were not trained in the "recovery model" it's a relatively new concept, but if my therapist doesn't believe that I can get better than I am just wasting my time with them.

That is a lovely point Florian! :O I wasn't even aware of that...i guess it would make sense ahahh

For me, two essential qualities are patience and humility. I'm not an easy client. Someone who thinks they have a recipe that will cure me in ten easy steps is going to have another think coming!

Oh I feel you there! :hilarious: Ahahah, I got 20 years worth of pent up emotions, ain't no 10 step program solving this shit! xD

• experience & up-to-date knowledge
• someone who isn't quick to label or diagnose
  
• a good sense of humor and the ability to call me out on any b.s.
  
• a sense of trust and non-judgement
  
• provides genuine, honest feedback and guidance (and is open to feedback in return)
  
• intuitive
  
• relatable and reliable
  
• ability to know when to apply pressure and when to back off
• supports my sense of ability and control
• treats me as a unique individual with respect for my thoughts and opinions
  
• keeps clear boundaries and goals
• clear communication and language

Thank you for putting those qualities into words. :) this seems like a good sort of checklist to follow when meeting new therapists. Thank you :x3:

• woman or man?
• younger than you, same age, or older?
• spiritual or no?

I'd also suggest thinking about what you are afraid of...I have chronic suicidality, and need to be able to work through it, not be hiding it because I'm worried my therapist can't handle it.

Thank you so much..those are very important things to take into consideration, and I honestly go back and forth on a lot of them. :unsure: I want someone warm, but not smothering. I don't want a lady therapist because of issues and traumas I've had make it very hard for me to respect women when they're in a sort of "superior position" to me(I know it's an awful way to think - mommy issues), yet I dream often of having a comforting big sister to take care of me. And spiritual, but not to the point of ending up seeing a hippy instead of a therapist. So...idk...I'm so wish-washy. I DEF don't wanna see a therapist that's gonna freak every time I mention suicide ahahhh. Thank you...:shy:

 

[anemone]

Is EMDR good? I know regular talk therapy doesn't exactly treat PTSD, but I'm a little hesitant to try EMDR...it sounds...well....strange. :unsure: Does anyone here have any experience with it?

And, well, I hold up together really well in public n stuff, but that's cause my dissociation symptoms are so strong that I basically block everything out. I can never even say it out loud. Will therapists generally be patient about that?

And another reason I'm worried about therapy is...well...having to open it all up again. I always feel badly and stuff, but the exteme emotions and reactions are bottled inside me. It's how I get by everyday. And it's easy too since I moved away from the physical area where the trauma happened. So going to therapy...I'm worried having to face it again is going to spiral me back down. I know I can't live like this anymore, but I'm also scared to have to face it again. I'm scared it'll destroy the little illusionary life I've built for myself. I don't wanna be like this anymore, but I don't wanna go back to all that pain I felt like when it first happened...how do you guys cope or get through this?

Sorry for asking so many silly questions :(

 

[Suzetig]

Whether talk therapy is right for you depends on a lot of things, not least your trauma. For example, long term relational therapy is recommended for people who have experienced developmental trauma, where something like EMDR can make things much worse. It's worth looking at some form of body work or somatic experiencing type stuff but that doesn't necessarily rule out talk therapy as an approach, in that both can be done at the same time because they address different things.

It may be worth you finding a couple of therapists, explaining your trauma, the difficulties and symptoms you have and see what they recommend in terms of treatment and support. No one way works for every person and every trauma, and something that was ok at the beginning of your journey may really not be ok at another stage - as we grow and develop, our needs in therapy change. A good professional will be able to explore this with you and give you appropriate guidance around treatment.