What To Never Say To A Ptsd Sufferer

[Marlene]

Fighting Lily...thanks for starting this post. Being able to respond to the stupid, sometimes cruel things that come our way (even if it's only in a post) is a very needed thing for a lot of us.

Lisa

 

[kers]

"It was ____ years ago!"

"You're fine now, focus on that."

"I thought you dealt with that."

"It could have been worse." That one, by far, is one of my most hated. At what point have I been hurt enough for my pain to matter?

 

[2quilt]

Oh gosh, this is a great thread. I have heard every single one of these. They are painful, but I do like the humorous replies.

 

[sunnydaze]

Wow, I too have heard "get on with your life, put it in the past, it was so long ago". If, "I could put it in my past do you think I chose to live like this" is my answer.
I do not like myself when I go through set backs. Does anyone that doesn't like themselves chose to think that way? Not, I. I chose to giggle, laugh and tell jokes but when I get down nothing happy comes to mind. I want to be alive. I want to enjoy my life with my family and grandson whom I adore.
People are just down right out stupid. They do not think. I suppose if it was them they would be worse than ourselves and want self-pity. Nobody knows until they have been there but again everyone deals with this kind of stuff different. Good thread!
sunnydaze

 

[FightingLily]

Thank you everyone. Hopefully some Carers will stumble across this thread.
Keep adding more no-nos as you experience them. Get them off your chest when needed.

 

[Seychelle]

"It was in the past, get over yourself".
Uh huh, don't you think if it was easy to get over I would have already done so?

I'm sure there's others but that's all I can think of at the moment.

 

[ga yankee]

Are you sure?

I told my friend about a flashback I had and that was the response: "are you sure?" It was so incredibly stupid I was shocked my husband wasn't saying it. He has officially said every phrase on this post. My therapist finally told him to zip his mouth and show his support with silence. It's actually working very well.

 

[BassistKara]

"You're not even trying to help yourself!"
So stopping drinking,drugs, promiscuous and risky behaviour, as well as making sure i eat 3 decent meals a day and actually showering and doing mundane things like brushing my teeth and actually seeing a good counsellor and actually opening up to them isn't helping myself?! So what else do you suggest i do?!

I've also heard pretty much every other thing said in this thread, in particular, "Just get over it" and "Just stop thinking about it"...yeh like i actually choose and enjoy feeling like/seeing that i'm being raped or molested by my mum's boyfriend! And waking up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat and shaking from nightmares.
Geez some people are just so clueless!

 

[Moonshadow]

"You need to focus on the present"
That's easy for you to say. Try focusing on the present, when Most Traumatic Home Videos is constantly playing in your mind. There is no Eject button.

"You shouldn't let yourself get so stressed out"
Oh, so it's lack of self-control that causes me to be a stress case, not the endless barrage of stressful events and memories.

"That sounds like something your mother would say."
Don't EVER compare me to her. That is just about the worst insult anybody could ever say to me.

"You need to exercise more."
You try exercising, when you feel as if you're wearing concrete boots and leaden mittens.


I, too, have heard all of these, and more.
I realize that it must be frustrating for others to deal with someone who has PTSD, when they don't understand.
That's what I try to remind myself, THEY DON'T HAVE A CLUE!
How fortunate for them, that they don't have to live in this Hell.
Now, if they'd only shut their pie holes, and stop giving advice on something they know nothing about.

 

[Marlene]

Now, if they'd only shut their pie holes, and stop giving advice on something they know nothing about.

Amen, sister! Amen.

 

[FightingLily]

How about this one:

"Really? You have PTSD? You seem so normal..."
I think they thought this comment was a compliment. It reminded me how abnormal I can be. I was immediately self critical. What would have been better is " Really? You have PTSD? I never knew..."

 

[2quilt]

I seem normal? Wow, I guess my cover is not yet blown. Either that or PTSD is so widespread that -you- seem strange. Now, here's the part where you show me some compassion. Try it.