What To Never Say To A Ptsd Sufferer

[a3a2]

I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard those statements...and every time I hear them I want to crawl in a hole and die. I feel so demeaned. Thank you for letting me know I am not alone in despising them. a2a3

 

[Chris G]

When I was with my girlfriend who Iam trying to get back, my cousin's who she had meet would say so much shit to her it drove me nut's and make her second guess if I was saying the truth or them. It still goes on today :S

This was said to me:
"There's nothing wrong with you Chris, it's just who you are."
yeh nothing wrong with me at all, and I ended up this way because I chose to be like this, just to piss you off...

"Just get over it and stop felling sorry for yourself and trying to make people fell sorry for you"

Expressing how I feel is making people fell sorry me, well damn sorry I said anything, next time you have problem there's the door.

Couple things that have been said to my GF:
"He dosnt care about anyone nor does he really love you" O_o WTF?

"He just uses people to pass time with and that's what he is doing with you now" O_o WTF?


I guess its easy for people how known always to be like this, but have never really asked you if thats the way you feel. More they just presume thats how you are and feel..

Of course when this was said I had no ider that I had PTSD, but it still angers me that this stuff is still being said when Im trying to fix a broken relationship. :S

 

[SunnyBrookFarm]

1. You shouldn't dwell on the past - (I know it's been mentioned alot of this thread - but REALLY - who would choose to "dwell" on this crap!!!)

2. Why are you always so moody? (This is my husband's favorite thing to say - first of all - what emotion is "moody" - second it's about me - not you - so suck it up and back off!!!)

3. But you've been ok - until now....(RIGHT - because I've been hiding my symptoms, feelings and emotions for YEARS - yep that certainly was healthier - but thanks anyway).

4. And yes the golden - "Why didn't you tell anyone" (ummm because I was a kid, and it was in the 1970's when noone talked about stuff like that, and I was warned it would KILL my mother, so yeah - who the heck was I supposed to tell - the frigging postman?)

Wow - it feels good to right down the responses I would love to say.

 

[Gunchief]

My favorite How can you have PTSD, you were not in a war.

Spend 6 years in a Cold War combat line unit and some of the things I have experienced would answer your question.

I just tell them you would not understand if I tried to tell you.

Dave

 

[cat]

My latest:

'It's not like he was a cruel man, you just have to get over it' This from a relative who know only to well who caused my ptsd!

If only it was that simple!

 

[fin]

My favorite How can you have PTSD, you were not in a war.

Been asked a variation on that myself too, its not my favourite but... Hey Dave, some people Just dont want to know, or listen and dont always give a crap either. I believe it comes down gently to respect.

And I try to ask myself can I have respect for me even when faced with some of the rubbish thrown. If I can say yes, I get the feeling I am being true to who I am hopefully, and right now that is enough for me. Baring our souls and facing our traumas is never going to be easy, but we can all do this.

Not everyone is the same thankfully. I sometimes think don't ask me the question if you dont want my answer! generally though I say this in my head smile sweetly and try to be understanding of where they are coming from also. Then I come back to where I am and get back to work on learning to manage me better. Because we can only be responsible for our own thoughts and feelings.

I find it helps somehow to try keeping it real for all concerned.

Wow did I get all deep and meaningful again? rats!!! :)

 

[Gingercat]

Ugh...heard the many of the things in this thread but the hardest ones to hear from my family members are:

"Come on it was five years ago...you should be over it by now."

"If you had more faith God would heal you."

"You are just being negative/selfish/over dramatic."

"Those kinds of things happen when you stray from God's plan for your life."

On a good note, my dad (who was a raging alcoholic when I was a kid but is sober now) said to me the other day on the phone:

"I know you went through hell as a kid and I take responsibility for my part in your issues. I'm truly sorry."

Wow...I was totally amazed that he apologized and it was like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. It really meant something coming from him.

 

[Gunchief]

Thanks Fin,
I will try to use that line of thinking.
Dave

 

[Manic11]

"You probably deserved it."

I got that from a friend who just didn't understand it. He just couldn't get the concept through his mind. When my attacker was finally gone and I told him I'm having trouble sleeping now because Im scared he said "He's 3 hours away. I doubt hes going to walk three hours just to attack you again."
Just doesn't understand...

Manic

 

[mickey_d11b]

I guess while I went in the military time stood still for me, but at home the world kept turning. I missed a lot of stuff, and came home to a lot of friends that had nothing but drama. I didn't want to pick sides, and they had a lot going on so I didn't want to drag them down with how I was feeling about my job.

So I found the coolest thing to ever come out of Tennessee. Jack Daniel's, and drank it a lot. And then a little more.

This of course didn't fix any of my problems. And so I found myself returning back to the sandbox in 2005. When I came home my best friend had become a firefighter. And I thought we could really talk, and maybe he'd understand. But I guess he'd already made his mind up as to my character and mental toughness. Instead of a friend I got a 5 page letter explaining all of my shortfalls and how I was an "emotionally repressed pussy" and most of my actions were done just to get attention. Worst part is, I think he's got the same problem because his dad was pretty abusive and he's been on some pretty bad traffic runs. I don't get it. When I calmed I tried to call him, but he doesn't want to speak to me.

It's definitely made it harder to trust people and let them in. A few have talked about the stigma of being diagnosed. It starts when you're in because you know that if you go for help others will be back pulling double duty to cover your absence. So at first it's easy to just laugh and use dark humor to get through it. I don't know why it continues, maybe when you build up your walls so high it's hard to break them down.

 

[Petchen]

my default response to insensitive comments....

" I know where you sleep...." ;-) I always use a sly grin and cute tone of voice. That really shuts people up. Currently I only use this one on the Boyfriend.

This thread is great. Thanks for all the laughs and wet eyes....you guys are A OK! ;-)

 

[louisa]

Reply

Yeah what about,

'Stop talking about it, Why do you have to bring it up, Forget it and Just enjoy life'! -

When you have only recently been held at knifepoint, battered and raped and thought you were going to die.

Where is even the attempt at empathy?
Louisa :rolleyes: