What's Blocking Me?

[Snowflake]

Today I felt a lot of panic and anxiety after my session. Not sure why....it was suppose to be a more calm session due to the holidays. She did say we are taking a break per my request from emdr....(we were talking about a bad memory.) however she also said if I knew why I wanted to stop/take a break I can share it-writing, verbally, or phone message. Ugh... I think I know but do I want to share????? Embarrassment....I don't know why I am posting. I already miss her. See her Monday .

 

[Snowflake]

I am not sure why it's so hard to talk to my therapist. She is amazing-I don't want to lose her by what u say or do.

 

[sun seeker]

Just a guess based on putting together a few things you said. Could it be that you interpreted her suggestion that you could take a break if you wanted (which was probably meant to be reassuring) as rejection, and that caused you to panic?

 

[Snowflake]

Just a guess based on putting together a few things you said. Could it be that you interpreted her s...

Will you explain?? Thanks

 

[shimmerz]

Ugh... I think I know but do I want to share?????

EMDR is really powerful stuff. If you asked for the break she may want to know why so that she can foresee some other issue in the future when you go back to EMDR.

 

[sun seeker]

I could be wrong, it's just a guess. Here's how I put it together:
1. You ask why you are panicking.
2. You say she said you could stop or take a break.
3. You say you are missing her.
4. In the next post, you say you don't want to lose her by saying or doing the wrong thing.

I put those things together as maybe the panic is about thinking you might lose that connection. Any chance that's accurate?

 

[Snowflake]

I don't want to lose that connection! I also don't want her to think less of me based on what I say. I hate myself I don't want her to hate me too.

 

[sun seeker]

Yes, I thought it was something like that. If you can, I'd recommend talking with her about this... just a little, because fear of rejection can be overwhelming. Maybe get some of it out here first if that feels safe. You know what? What you're experiencing sounds very normal. I mean, normal for someone with severe childhood trauma. I don't know your story, but if you are going through EMDR and finding it overwhelming, there is some serious trauma there, and I'm guessing at the rest of it. My apologies if I'm wrong. My point is your therapist is probably either already aware that it is possible you are feeling this way, or has had other clients she has gone through similar issues with. It's not at all unusual. Don't know if that helps at all, but it's true. So this is a bit of an odd thing to say under the circumstances, but you're normal. For PTSD anyway, you're normal. Try and hold on to that, and take it really slow.

 

[sun seeker]

she also said if I knew why I wanted to stop/take a break I can share it

Wait... I think I misread this. So you are the one wanting a break from EMDR, it's not her suggesting a break from therapy. Right?

So I'll alter my interpretation a little bit, but that doesn't change what I am guessing is at the root of your panic. Are you perhaps afraid that she will reject you if you can't keep up with the EMDR? Still, fear of rejection. Very understandable.

 

[Snowflake]

Wait... I think I misread this. So you are the one wanting a break from EMDR, it's not her suggestin...

Rejection is huge for me. I think the break is a mutual decision. She wants me to be safe.

 

[shimmerz]

She wants me to be safe.

So then, can you see that separation can be a thing based on love or kindness or compassion and doesn't have to last forever? Would you be able to email her and let her know that you feel anxiety because of this? I bet she will understand and it may help her to help you.

 

[Snowflake]

So then, can you see that separation can be a thing based on love or kindness or compassion and doesn't...

She doesn't do email...I feel stupid though-can you explain more? Sorry