What's Keeping You Alive?

[popeye]

I have seen this thread for awhile now and I never knew what to say.
1. My children, even though there are days I wish I could trade them for a case of beer, I live for those little moments when they do something funny or sute.
2. My wife,even though we have our issues, I stay breathing because she asked me to.
3. My search for a service dog. I am putting alot on the line that this dog will be able to help me.
4. My dream of owning a 4 wheel drive again to take the kids 4 wheeling.
5. A video game called bloons tower defense 3 because i will not got into the night without beating that final level.
6. My father, any man that can raise 3 kids, deal with my mother, survive a heart attack that should have killed him, and still have a smile on his face deserves to have his son around.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

my ipod, because of its days of music. The sun, even though I don't go outside very much. Sun is life, and hope. I just wish my eyes weren't so sensitive to it.

 

[intothelight]

The hope of a better tomorrow.

 

[atl22]

My fiancee. Without her, I would go straight back to my old neighborhood where I got this dang PTSD in the first place.

I moved out to her side of the Bay to be with her but I really hate it here. I am alone without the friends that I grew up with.

Her mother had a stroke, so I need to be here to help her take care of her mother.

Dealing with PTSd is so difficult but I must stay strong for her and her mother.

 

[deer_in_headlights]

Hi Jadebear,

Thank you for this thread - it helps, a lot.
My animals: no matter what I need to live for them. The mutual love and bonding is deep and healing to all of us.

I'll never forget my dog, from 50 ft away, he somehow knew I was going to go out of sight to kill myself. I have NEVER hear a dog scream before. I will never subject him to that again.
Angels: at my worst moment, (before my dog was born) was pushed powerfully up against a wall, couldn't move, until I became present enough to stop my headlong rush to off myself in the middle of horrible flashbacks. No one was home at the time. I got the message very powerfully that I'm not supposed to end my life by my own hand...
My beloved trauma therapists: They'd "kill me" if I offed myself :-)

I should put my loved therapists first, and they've sure put in a lot of care and hard work into me; but my animals need me. I do some animal rescue work, and for some that have been dumped, injured, traumatized there aren't many places in my area they can be placed. Once they come to me, they're "home". Gives me a way to love with all my heart; and receive amazing love, as well, from priceless creatures that others have harmed or blindly discarded. I gotta live for them everyday, even if, on some days, I can't for me.

 

[Jade-]

I love animals too deer_in_headlights. I took in a chow/lab mix a few years ago that had been abused. I had planned on keeping her long enough to find a good home for her. I ended up feeling so connected to her that I still have her.

When she first came to my home, she was scared of everything and everyone. If I tried to pet her, she would hunker down. If there were loud nosies, she jumped and yelped. She was a dog version of me.

Now she is calm, happy and very loving. It's amazing what a little TLC can do.

 

[atl22]

I meant to write about my doves, too. They keep me alive and give me peace. I rescued two Cinnamon Ringneck Doves about 6 years ago, a brother and sister pair. The female was a runt and she was abused by the rest of the flock. It took months and many Vet visits to get her back in shape. They both ground me so much. I'm so stressed most of the time and overwhelmed with work and family obligations but my little dove doesn't care. She just wants to hang out and have a little millet spray. She's an elegant and graceful dove. I call her the "Audrey Hepburn" of doves. She likes her house neat and clean and a bath in the afternoon.

When I started this PTSD Workbook stuff and I was going through the different exercises, it said that I should find a safe place to work in. I immediately thought of the bird room. I always try to be calm and kind to the birds and never show any anger that might scare them, especially her because she was so abused when she was young. She might have PTSD, too. Her brother is a typical male and a bully that steps on her tail if we let them graze together, so we have to keep them separate.

It doesn't matter how freaked out I get, when I am with them I can put everything aside and focus on making them happy.

 

[Kiskit]

The biggest things keeping me alive:
definitely my 2 Siberian huskies, Kiska & Juneau. My other husky Yukon died in Feb but she was the best friend best service dog ever so I have to mention her!

My mom, she & I have gotten a good relationship now as adults, she was abusive to me growing up so I am so glad we were given this chance to not only make amends but to become close friends & allies. She needs my help too now that her twin died & my dad still basically ignores her (better than old times when he was abusive to her).

Having a few good friends I've made while gaming on xbox 360. Heck being able to still play video games is a great thing I'm thankful fir after a dog attacked Kiska my current service dog; & in the attack my L hand, wrist & 3 fingers were fractured in 5 places & now those fingers are fused & unable to bend at all.

My best friend from my medic days on the ambulance service.

Finally, to quote Matt Damon's character in "Good Will Hunting" when asked about his abuser, "Cuz f*ck him, you know!"

 

[Sammy]

Very little.

 

[James B.]

Very little.

I always hate to admit that I hurt. I always hate to admit that some days suck. I always hate to face my truth. Sammy, reaching out to you... Please keep posting. I and everyone everyone I can think of accepts you, and your pain. Because we have all been there.

 

[Jade-]

Enjoying the forum upgrade is keeping me alive today.

This forum not only looks so much better, but it' so easy to navigate and communicate with others. I'm a happy camper right now.

 

[James B.]

Me too Jadebear! :)