What's Keeping You Alive?

[Xibalba]

My fear of death. That's pretty much the only thing keeping me alive.

If I ever get over that, then things will certainly get interesting.

I have no support group, no family, no friends, no pets and the meds and therapy don't work. Natural supplements (maca) help, along with some klonopin to keep me from fainting during panic attacks. Other than that, there's nothing. I've lost all interest in my hobbies, not that I have time anyway, and do nothing but work and fight my panic and nightmares.

I do have a chocolate addiction, which always makes me laugh when I order a Death by Chocolate dessert at a restaurant. Irony.

 

[Jade-]

Sorry you're having such a rough time Xibalba.

Have you thought about getting a pet? They have a way of filling that empty spot inside.....

 

[moose]

Belief. I believe in myself, that one day I can be me again. I carry a heavy burden, but I always stand up and fight. I will never give up.

1. My Dog.
2. My Cat.

They give me so much love and ask so little in return.

 

[KP the nut]

What is keeping me alive? There is no other option, I just survive one day at a time and log things to be grateful for.

 

[Xibalba]

Sorry you're having such a rough time Xibalba.

Have you thought about getting a pet? They have a way of filling that empty spot inside.....

I have always had pets, and they helped a lot. When I got ready to move to Peru, I had to give them all up. It's made things very, very worse. But I travel so much now that I can't have a pet, it would just be raised by a permanent pet sitter. But I miss my dogs and cats so much.

This week has been bad (which is why I have been posting) because I am in my house in Florida throwing away things and still packing more stuff to ship, and there's no one here. Not a soul. I think I mentioned it in another post, I have been talking to the spiders, just to pretend I *have* a pet.

I have just been trying to meditate a lot and remember that there is no "hole" to fill, it's all in my head. Or, as they said in The Matrix, "there is no spoon."

 

[Sterre]

Hmm...good question! What's keeping me alive? ( or what is worth living for?)

I didnt know that by becoming a mother I secured my own future. The love I feel for my little girl is keeping me alive. It makes me feel more alive then I ever felt. Raising and enjoying her is worth living for.
The uncomplicated love I recieve from her, that lays in such small and subtle things, is worth living for.
My dogs are keeping me alive. The old ( and odd) smelly couple, and their wet soft noses pushed on the inside of my hand when they need attention, is worth living for.
The fact how life can be unpredictable, is worth living for.

 

[jewel]

My daughter
My family
My hope
Myself

 

[AzureMind]

What's keeping me alive? Let's see.....:confused:
The possibility of knowing that my bro is gonna get his act together (and be happy) one day, I mean, I can't go knowing he still needs me.

videogames, love/romance (or at least the possibility of it: a guy can dream too :inlove:)


I know this last one's a :poop:y reason, but....well...Pot :p lol

Heavenly Haze....:D

 

[Deleted member 6617]

Can't let this beat me. Don't want to let it win. Pure determination to be around a bit longer for all those I love and for myself.

 

[Grace11]

I have too many bills to pay.

 

[Srain]

First I've tried over and over this past week to OD or really just not wake up when I did yesterday there was a video of my Grandson on my phone and hear my DIL(I love her like a daughter) saying "say hi Grandma Rain" and he was laughing and smiling...I wanted so bad to see him and her this year and I forgot through blackness and haze...

my struggles are nothing if I laid that on my boy and his family at this most precious of times.

 

[KP the nut]

there was a video of my Grandson on my phone and hear my DIL(I love her like a daughter) saying "say hi Grandma Rain" and he was laughing and smiling...I wanted so bad to see him and her this year and I forgot through blackness and haze...

my struggles are nothing if I laid that on my boy and his family at this most precious of times.

(((Rain)))

I write moments like this in my 'happy/grateful for' book. During bad times I read what I have written and feel better. All those little simple things, a phone call, seeing first spring flowers, my husband, daughters, even my T. I look at them and I know that even at the worst there are good things. Why not try it? It was my Ts idea and I had to buy a nice book and I went one step further and bought a special pen as well.