What's Keeping You Alive?

[heidi]

You know in all honestly I just live to see if I can find a way to live.

 

[Taven Carlsen]

The childish idea that I might get along again with all the people I've left behind. And the realistic idea, that I'll get along with a new crowd and new life once my head gets back together.

 

[Bubba]

My children and my dogs :D

 

[BloomInWinter]

For my kids.

...and out of spite.

 

[Let It Be]

Good question, probably has to be my "inner strength."

Also the fact that I so need to change and update my Will. I definitely need to figure out what I'm going to do first, so that keeps me waiting for the answers to come. Right now, it includes my brother and sister, whom, that's another story, but it definitely needs to be changed so until then.

 

[Tinyflame]

Because I promised. Because I don't think it's indicative of healthy thinking, or perhaps even just what you're 'supposed' to do, and therefore I fear it would result in bad things.
Because others tell me that its' 'good' I should, and seem to have more confidence in that than I do.
Because I am trying.
Because I also know there are times I don't feel that way, it's the stress and pain and exhaustion which are difficult.

Mostly when I can't 'think', I guess I would still say because I promised God and a person, and going more by others' words or faith that I should.

 

[greycloud24]

Because a friend has tried to help me too much, and if I died his efforts would have been in vain. I can't do that to him.

 

[HëllaBubz]

out of spite!? :D Me likes that one a lot.

I always know that a few seconds beyond now could be the spot where something happens, and I start feeling a little better, and considering I don't know where those spots are, I shall trust the 'Ceiling Cat' (see icanhascheezburger.com or google it) to know that soon will be a better time than now.

 

[catjudo]

Tonight I think the one of the main things keeping me alive is the fact that my house and personal affairs are such a mess and I can't leave that to someone else to deal with. I don't have enough energy to get my affairs in order, therefore I'll continue to suffer. As much as I want to feel better, it almost scares me right now. I'm afraid that if I got a sudden burst of energy it would be just enough to get my affairs in order and make sure that plans were in place for my daughter and then I wouldn't have anything standing in my way of ending things.

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear catjudo, (((Hugs)))

I remember you talking about your sweet daughter Mother's day. She needs you, more than any house.

I don't think loved ones could ever understand how difficult it is, to hang on for them, but it is a great gift of love you give her. (In so many ways, not just that, of course).
I hope you feel joy and hope very soon.

 

[Srain]

I LOVE chocolate chip mint!! It's my favorite and then of course real vanilla!

I have stayed alive this past several years especially because my husband saved me during a time my blood pressure dropped scary low and did everything in his power to revive me, including driving me himself to the local fire department just to make sure they wouldn't get lost finding our home. He championed me and stuck by my side the whole time telling them all I did NOT try to kill myself (I surely didn't!!) but it was a bad reaction to one of my migraine meds.

I stay alive because my Son tells me how important I am to him and wife, how he knows he can tell me anything and especially since his father has recently been diagnosed with cancer. I love him more than life itself and his wife is one of my favorite people, the kids are nothing but pure joy!!

I stay alive because my older brother who sufferers PTSD and chronic pain/depression is barely able to make it and he is only a year older than me and he put 23yrs of Military Service in and I am just now getting to know him. I don't want to let him down.

I stay alive because my fur babes love me and depend on me and when I hurt they are ALWAYS here for me.

 

[Sammy]

I stay alive because I promised I wouldn't do anything to hurt myself to some people I love. I couldn't hurt them. One in particular has worked so hard to help me - it would hurt him too much.

I stay alive for my dog. My boy would have such a hard time if something happened to me. He is always there for me and I can see the love in his eyes when he looks at me. I couldn't hurt him because he has given me a reason to live when I didn't want to.

I also like "out of spite." There is more than one person I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of knowing they won.

I stay alive because there are moments when I feel hope. I know the depression and hopelessness is the PTSD and I don't want to let it/them win.

I stay alive because I think there are still things I am supposed to do - even if I don't know what they are.