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What's Keeping You Alive?

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nothing. there's nothing.

(((Innordinate))) I feel like that when I'm really struggling, but later (if I wait) I realize that there actually are things to live for, I just can't see them when it seems like everything is falling apart. I hope it's like this for you and that you feel better soon.
 
HOPE - that it's not always going to be like this.
This is absolutely the key for me, I firmly believe know if I lose hope, it will be the last straw. I have been close enough to see it.

198088083580014525_4CWNFldb_f.webp my hope seems so fragile right now ....
 
I feel selfish saying this but it's my faith in God...

My parents try to be supportive with everything I go through, I just graduated from a masters program so I have a lot to be grateful for but yeah none of that helps...bc I still want to escape but won't do it....
I had one attempt when I was first diagnosed with PTSD
 
1.My children
2. My girlfriend, if she stays with me after my recent outburst
3. My little dog Alfie
4. To make something or do something my kids and my girlfriend will be proud of me for
 
I donlt know...and that is the sad part...I ask myself and do not get a response...

In the past I would have said that my faith in God keeps me going, but I do not know or feel anymore...

But on a humorous note, I do not want to die a virgin...but not until I get married...but not until I am healthy and emotionally and financially stable...which requires time...I already have a lovely gf who is sooooooo supportive and kind, and patient as can be.
 
the thought of giving PTSD to my children
..yes, mostly...and those that are fighting so hard to keep my head above.

Today? The tiniest glimmers of hope that this grip on me will loosen and is once again a passing wave of internal horror. This pain is not present, it is not permanent, I do matter.
 
Today I'm clearer, yesterday was one of those breaking points. By the end of the day I was clear again it was love and laughter, if even for a moment, somehow it's just enough to get over the wake.
 
My best friend is incarcerated and I am his life line to the outside world. It would absolutely crush him if I wasn't here anymore. So that is what is stopping me right now.
 
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