What's That Thing Where Life Is Perfect And You Are Really Happy Then..........????

[Fargo1]

I am feeling this right now. Every thing was going great. One setback and now I am at Level 11 and have been for days. I am looking at all of the other aspects if my life and saying. I'm messing that one up, and that one, and the other one... Why not just trash them all and start over. Or not.

 

[Ned]

‘Sometimes when Fortune scowls most spitefully, she is preparing her most dazzling gifts.’
Winston Churchill, 1931

'He's right, you know'
me, 2011

 

[william]

ptsd can sometimes mimic bipolar mania. Up one min, down for ten. I was almost misdiagnosed with bipolar. The thinkg with me seems to be exactly the same.

 

[Wagon]

Its been one of those...... 15 to 20 days for me. Very little ups. Many downs. And a whole shit load of anxiety. I watched a movie alone the other night "Punch Drunk Love" About a guy with some psychological disorders. Bi-polar maybe. Has Adam Sandler in it. I didn't expect much, but some of that damn movie hit home so much I near jumped out my skin. At one point the main character is on a date and says something stupid.....then he gets so angry at himself that he goes to the bathroom and beats the shit out of it. I mean just destroys it. That combined with the music made me freak out. I actualy failed to see any comedy in it. Seemed pretty real to me.

The good news these days is that REM sleep has made a pleasant return. Without the night mares. Getting about a good 5 hours in a row per day now. Then another 3 or 4 on top. I say "per day", because the internal clock is all screwed up. Gotta work on that one.

Ahh well, back to the anxiety hour. I'm going to kill these yapping swedes next to me in the library. And would someone please stop torturing their child. Bloody hell. It's a f*cking library.

 

[Shadowtao]

Ahhh anger, it is always with me. My therapist tells me that anger "...is a reaction to a perceived threat to ourselves, our loved ones, our property, our self-image, or some part of our identity.
She keeps telling me that I need to find the cause of my anger. Like I am scared or threatened stuff. I think she needs to read up more on PTSD.
I believe that my PTSD anger is due to having spent way too long in a state of constantly being fully alert, ready to fight, that it is ingrained in me to be on-guard and react quickly. That then like when on patrol when anything happens that is not in that 'combat' norm I react with anger as a substitute for what I would have done if in an actual combat situation.
'Course my therapist pisses me off too.

 

[Jimmy1]

JP, your right in a way.

If you read the articles Anthony posted on here about the Stress Cup, I think its called understand PTSD, it talks about the difference between a normal person with PTSD and a veteran.
We are conditioned that when things almost get the better of us that we turn it into aggression and push through.
Think of a bayonet assault course. You can be nearly totally exhausted yet anger is your friend and gets you over the line.

The military also teaches us to withhold all our other emotions. We are not allowed to grieve for a buddy who goes down, we have to push on. You are not allowed to laugh and joke when on a drill square. So we end up with only one emotion we are allowed to exhibit (Anger).

All our other beliefs that we were taught as children like be kind to one another, respect women, love thy neighbor etc etc are all shot to shit when we see the horrors of conflict. Our only belief system that worked was the one the military taught us.

So, when we come home we and fall to the demon we call PTSD, we feel all alone. The only emotion we really know how to display is anger. Anger can save our life.

They don't deprogram us, they just chuck us out like a mangy cat and hope we can fend for ourselves.

Sorry for getting all passionate, but it pisses me off too.

Your therapist is right in a way. What she does not understand is that we view nearly everything as a perceived threat. The bloke cutting us off in traffic is a threat, the other guy staring at our woman, is a threat, you name it, if we are not in the mood its a threat. Its our response that we need to change.

I have to stop before I get too wound up. Will talk more if you want

 

[Sarg]

Angry, bitter old man. Didn't understand why until this thread. Pretty simple, really but for some reason it never occurred to me.

Thank you,

Sarg

 

[dirtdobber]

For myself I see every thing as a life or death situation without thinking. Thank you Jimmy.
Our minds, memory, has 3 parts. first part is the conscience state, the 2nd is the unconscious state-this is where some things seem to drift up to the conscience state, we use this for protection, the 3rd is the super conscience-this is the main computer of our brains, everything we have seen, touched, smelled in life is there.
This is our wall we have built to protect ourselves from traumatic experiences.
A persons speech-how they talk or attitude that we see, or what ever it is at the time. This hits a spot in the brain which allows certain pats to be remembered by shifting it from the super conscience to the sub conscience to our consciences state. This happens in a split second. Problem is only parts of it makes it through. This trows up a red flag instantly without thinking or knowing it has happened. PTSD is a over dose of stress. It's like hay fever, once you get a over dose it only takes a small amount for it to cause a problem. PTSD is the same way. Once we get a over dose it only takes a small thought to kick it off.
Hope your with me on this.
Like Jimmy said we had to keep things under control so we can survive and carry out our duties as needed. 24 hours a day every day seeing, feeling the same ole crap. DEATH.
Now we are home with no war to fight but our brains doesn't know that in the super conscience or sub conscience state.
In order to compete with this we have to recognize this when it happens. It takes a lot of work and time to learn to control our feelings. We held it back in the battle field, we had to to stay alive. Now the conscience says no more war but the sub/super conscience allows us to have just enough of the memory to become over whelmed for a split second. Now all in one second you went from being happy to defending our self, which is our anger.
It took me a long time to recognize this. Myself and a drug dealer had a disagreement, he want to rob me. I was getting out of my truck and all I seen was a large hand gun. I did not hesitate, I shot em. It happened so fast I did not realize what I had done for a few minutes. Well I spent a lot of time though a lot of years finding myself. I had plenty of time for that.
They called it rage, I called it self preservation.
I read a lot of books and went through a lot of programs. I finally understood it and worked hard to control it.
After 20 years now I am a better person by being able to control my feelings, nightmares and flash backs and know this will only last a split second.

I really hope this makes sense to y'all.