When Are Friends Enabling A Disorder?

[candor]

I love Bere Brown!.

Her message is not for the light of hearts. She says that in order to truly connect we need to go out of our comfort zone and go out on a limb and have courage to do the things we fear most. That applies to all of us. It means we need to love no matter how much we fear rejection. It means to have courage to say our own truth and not the cliches every conference attendee has repeatedly heard.

So today I did two brave things. I told my boss that I had mistakenly come to work on my day off and that I am having trouble following my ever changing work schedule. Potentially this admission could get me fired but I trust him to help me find a solution to the fact that my collegues keep asking me to come without informing him. That was causing me too much stress. Of course, I talked to the collegues first and then involved them and the boss. You can't solve a problem if you hide it.

Then I called my friend (which always makes me leave a message). This triggers fear of rejection. Happily, he called back. I explained that I was extra stressed and if he could give me some tips on what to do. He mentioned getting out in the sun. I responded "and on those dark days a lamp light and orgasms. Maybe you can supply the service in that department." My fear went away when I heard him laugh and call me "clinical"(There is that word again). I told him that I just talk about things that interest me. Then much to my surprise, he asked, if I had never learned to ask permission to talk about things before I spoke. "Well I am pretty clueless as to what you want me to ask permission about. Maybe you can help me in that department as well." I said. We usually have a hard time talking about "us". Ice broke and we both felt better. I really lack the courage to tell him that he affects me negatively. It sucks.

Point being: from fear came the courage to connect and better opportunities to solve issues with the people that matter. I want to share that I woke up with my first panic attack in years this morning. I think it was a wakeup call that change is around the corner. My body is saying something and I am trying to listen. It was scary. The only thing that is certain is that we cannot be certain about the future. We can lessen the fear and train to speculate less. I know that I have been letting everyone call the shots and that soon I will have to take much better care of number one. That is scary. Looking forward.